The other day I heard my dog who is roughly as smart as a deck chair crunching busily on something. When I arrived at the scene, he spat out what looked like a partly-hollowed-out black claw. I checked all his feet, yet every claw was present and accounted for.
This is a medical mystery. I am stumped. I think he ate another dog, but his lawyer denies all allegations.
It's one month from Valentine's Day, my friends! (Unless you're like me and the most prominent male figure in your life is your dumb dog, in which case it's almost Singles Awareness Day, booo.) I want to take the opportunity to remind everyone that giving puppies as gifts is a BAD idea. No. Bad. Don't do it. If you're a guy, just tell her you respect her ability to make decisions independently of you enough that you want her to pick out her own dog, if she even wants one. That's like two gifts at once. Then tell her to get back in the kitchen.
I also want to say that if any males out there would like to give me a Panda Dog for V-Day, that would be okay.
PETA's new campaign is to change the name of fish to "sea kittens". I can't make this stuff up! Go to the website secure in the knowledge that this will never ever happen and I can guarantee you'll be giggling for days. They want to make fish sound cute enough that we won't want to eat them, but they are overlooking one fact that seems very vital to their campaign. Fish are not cute, ever.
Have you seen a fish lately PETA??
I can see another flaw in that I, personally, would delight in the opportunity to tell people that I eat kittens.
They have a bunch of facts ready that are supposed to endear sea kittens to us, like, "A University of Edinburgh study found that sea kittens can retain information that they learned up to 11 months earlier, which makes them cuter and smarter than the president of the United States!" Oh no you di'n't PETA! "Like their surface-dwelling cousins, the land kittens, sea kittens enjoy being petted. Their lack of arms makes it difficult for them to pet back, but they often gently rub against each other as a sign of affection." And I know they are lying about this one because when I was six and tried to pet my goldfish it shat itself and hid in its castle. You are not selling me on sea kittens, PETA.
The sea kitten stories need no commentary, they speak pretty loudly for themselves.
PETA I love you. You brighten my chilly winter days. But seriously, look at a fish. I think even you will agree that ocean sunfish need to die. And then? we need to perform a Latin ritual to ensure that they never come back.