Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween, MoT-style

Well, it's that time of year again. Those up north know what I'm talking about. That time of year when the trees go from 'fiery glory' to 'deader and more depressing than those frozen halibuts with the staring eyes in the grocery store'. Every light, ominous snowfall is met with a dead-eyed, thousand-yard stare until the sky goes back to raining like it's supposed to. The first hint of a sneeze from the cage in the corner of my bedroom means I'll be turning on my space heater and boiling to death in my own juices every night until spring so my beloved guinea pig doesn't catch a cold and die, and before then I'll be shivering all night long.

But if there's one holiday to brighten this dark and dismal stretch until Christmas, it's Halloween! (Unless you prefer football and stuffing and crazy relatives in cramped quarters - in which case, hang tight till Thanksgiving.) Here at MoT I've decided to get into the spirit of the thing, and I've personally scoured the 'net for the most beastly, monstrous little muttpuppies I can find. Here they are, for your viewing pleasure, hopefully making your Halloween that little bit more special. If not, 54 days until Christmas...
#10. Sheesh, would ya look at the dog on those ears? This little shih-poo is masquering as a piece of roadkill - or as something that's been chewed up and digested by a larger dog already - I'm not quite sure. I can't help it, though; my eyes are always drawn straight back to those ears. What happened there?? They look like wrinkled potato chips. With fuzz. ...Ugh, way to ruin potato chips for me, dog.

#9. Okay. So this little Staffy/Shar pei cross isn't so bad. Well, I guess we won't know till he's grown up, but he's cute now. Still, he gets a mention because the honest-to-God first thought in my head when I saw him was "THRIL-LER!" That's the spirit, little dog!

#8. This Shi-poo or Shorkie or I don't even know anymore just plain freaks me out. His eyes follow me all around the room. And that underbite will give me nightmares for years to come.

#7. MORKZILLA ANGRY! MORKZILLA SMASH! (Yes I did just cross two horror genres.) It looks almost like somebody's photoshopped in two angry eyebrows. I love it.

#6. Little Willie is also a Morkie and he's here to remind us that not all Halloween costumes need be scary. Some just give us a laugh! Poor muttpuppy, he looks more like a mix between a Schnauzer and a Furby to me. Or maybe a satellite dish. I bet he gets great reception.

#5. Frankenmorkie? All she needs is bolts in her neck to complete the look. Aw, man, I'm almost starting to feel bad. Being a Morkie is unfortunate, it seems.

#4. Oh God, this one gives me the willies. He looks like he IS wearing a mask. That's a puppy! Am I the only one seriously freaked out by this dog? Anyone?

#3. Chinese crested/Japanese chin mixes produce some of the fugliest little bastards known to dogkind. But I picked this jaunty little fellow because, as weird-looking as he is, I think he's kinda cute and I like him. Also he looks more like a mix between a koi and a crested duck.

#2. Ah, that old crowd-pleaser, the Chihuahua/chin. Warning: has been known to knock over small children just by turning her brick head. I wonder which celebrity adopted this dog?

#1. Just to prove I'm not completely designer dogs-ist (you know I am), I went out and found a purebred. ...I found a hell of a purebred. Give yourselves a moment to make sure you're on an empty stomach and that nobody unsuspecting is behind you to get sideswiped by the image you're about to see. In all seriousness, it looks like the goddamn Cryptkeeper and its image will burn itself into your retinas and blaze in all its hideous glory in your mind's eye when you're trying to sleep. Not for the faint of heart. You may want to restore down your window so you don't get the full blast all at once. Ready for this? Meet Sam, the Chinese crested.

I hear he was actually quite a cuddly dog. (And yep, he's for real.)

Phew! Go back and look at that duck for awhile if you need to bleach your corneas. Have we all recovered? Great. By the way, this little mixed-breed pooch gets an honourable mention for making me smile.

Have a great Halloween, guys! Enjoy all the leftover candy, because I know I will!

EDIT: Shoot, Blogger sucks at uploading pictures.


GoLightly said...

OMFG, that ChineseCrested!!
That's the ugliest dog I hope I never see, again. Looks like a real sweetie:) Trying to chew off his own leg, like in that Stephen King book. I will have nightmares.
The Chow/wtf was that?? I know we've been trying to push their faces in, get rid of those oh-so-ugly doggie noses, until they can't breathe, and look like primates, but Human Eyes???
Please, please, tell me that was photo-shopped.
Thanks for the fright-night.
Commented, and out.

OKfine said...

I personally find the designer dogs just not right. Some are cute, I will admit. But I'd never buy one, ever! As if there isn't enough wrong with dogs, people have to go mixing them all up. So many breeds have enough health problems, they sure don't need to add another breeds problems on top of their own. It's not fair to the dogs.

GoLightly said...

I wish I was more internet/code savvy, i.e. the time and patience to learn links. I'd love to hear your guess on what my old mix was. She stopped people in their tracks, wondering WTF she was, but in a good way, she was Beautiful...
She looked like a fox, foxed would stop to look at her again. She looked like a coyote. She looked like a short-haired sheltie, but without that too skinny face, and no white, and mostly erect ears.. She was called "Rusty", because her coat was a beautiful, red/gold/tan/black saddled. 30 lbs at her trimmest. A scrawny starved 19 lbs when I got her as a rescue. A corgi with legs, and a regular/normal build. A teeny tiny, short haired, red/tan/black german shepherd. Her "ruff" grew a bit as she aged, but not much. My DVM best friend said she was the epitomy of the description of a feral dog.
Sorry, it's been four years since she passed, and I wanted to send her 'scrip out into cyber-space land, to honour her memory this year.

water_bearer said...

Proof for the heartless idiot bastards who are crossing breeds based on looks that you don't always get what you picture you'll get from the best of each breed. Now every time you think you'll get the loving temperament of some great family dog breed, and the non-shedding coat of another when you cross them, let these pictures be the visual reminder of the mess on the "inside" that you can create with respect to health and temperament when you don't know what you're doing.
Poor flugly pups. And yes, I mean to put that "l" there because "fugly" doesn't quite cover it. These dogs are fucking plug ugly.

muttpuppiesontrial said...

WB: Exactly what I was going for! People always have some adorable outcome in mind when they breed designer dogs, but there's never any guarantee... Mind, some generally are pretty cute. I have a soft spot for Maltipoos. :)

GL: I warned you! That Chow puppy was actually an Ori Pei, I think pug/Shar Pei? Bizarre!
Your Rusty sounds beautiful. :) I'd love to see a picture. Your description put me in mind of a Finnish Spitz at first, but she sounds like a real Heinz 57.

water_bearer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
water_bearer said...

Oh no... Maltipoos! Not a fan, myself. In fact, I was watching Dogs 101 on Animal Planet the other night and on this episode they did the Newfie, Beagle, Bichon and a couple others. It's a show really for dog beginners, but it's ok. Personally, I was always more of a fan of Breed All About It, even though it had its flaws too. Anyway... they had a litter of Bichon Frise pups and I was thinking to myself, "Wow. I thought ALL puppies were cute. Guess not." I'm sure Maltipoos look the same.
I'm a fan of big dogs. The absolute cutest friggin puppy I ever saw that I could not take my hands off of, was about a 4-5 mo. old Anatolian. Anything really fuzzy, with that goofy puppy hair, or anything with an exaggerated feature that looks like it's already reached adult size even though the rest of the body hasn't, makes me crack up. Leonbergers, Berners, GSD's, Bloodhounds... I'd have to admit that anything that resembled any of those breeds closely would be so cute that I'd want to squeeze it until it shits.

muttpuppiesontrial said...

Leonbergers! That is my dream breed. I can't wait to have one someday. :) (No more dogs right now..) I love puppies from the big breeds, their tails are too long for them and they wag in every direction. That'll be the highlight of my Leonberger puppy-owning experience.

Not all Bichon puppies are so bad! ;) This little guy makes me laugh every time I look at him, he looks just like a Muppet, bless him.