Muttpuppies on Trial

PSA Time!

2010-07-04T16:18:00.003-04:00

Hello all! I know I've been a horrible blogger and I stopped blogging and broke all your hearts and asked for my toaster back and left you all alone. Life has been very busy and exciting over the past year - working with groomers and vets, and now at a wildlife sanctuary! The many animals in my life always come first, and it's been hard to find the time for things like blogging. Maybe if something changes I'll be back. I still spy plenty of breeders that make me want to concuss myself...

Anyway, the reason I bust back in now is to give you guys an update on one of our favourite BYBs, Mileen Coulter! She still has a million websites and breeds a million breeds (toy poodles, Yorkies, "teacup poodles", miniature poodles, Maltipoos, cockapoos, schnoodles, Morkies, Shorkies...). Still has the same weaselly NuVet health clause. Still advocates hybrid vigour in her Shorkies, and throws in this gem: "Hybrid Vigor means, "Physical or mental strength, energy, or force."AKC used this method to create the different breeds that we have today." Yeah, the AKC just loves that hybrid vigour!

Oh, and she's a confessed drug dealer. Yeah.

Look, I'm not here to judge, I'm just here to inform. And who am I kidding? Of course I judge. Dealing drugs says an awful lot about the kind of environment you live in! I wouldn't buy a puppy from a home like that. But then, I guess I'm just a cyber bully. [sad face] So, you make the call!

On a different note, I do want to say I've kept in touch with Steffy White of Priceless Pups, and I think it's fair to say that she knows how designer breeding SHOULD be done. She does health checks on all her dogs instead of relying on magical hybrid vigour, she clicker-trains her puppies, and she'll take back and rehome any dog she's bred if the owner should want to dump it, which she states explicitly on her website (compared to the standard NuVet health clause seen on so many other designer dog sites). One could get nit-picky, but the point is that she's producing happy and healthy family dogs. Which is, after all, the whole point, isn't it?

And, ya know, she's not dealing pot. That's a big plus.

Hope you enjoyed this PSA! MoT out (for now)!

HR 669

2009-04-08T15:53:00.004-04:00

Where did I go?

Was I kidnapped by Serbs and held for ransom? Did the Angry Pig finally smother me in my sleep and escape to South America with the inheritance money? Has the Large Hadron Collider opened up a wormhole that sucked me up and spat me out in Narnia?

Well, no (much as I wish for that last one to be true). I just have not had either the time or the energy for blogging lately. Hopefully things will change, but - we'll see.

Anyway, there is one thing I had to post here. I wish it were something happier!

On April 23rd, the Natural Resources Committee of the US Congress is going to hold a hearing on HS 669, also known as the Nonnative Wildlife Invasion Prevention Act. This is a resolution that, if passed into law, would ban the adoption, purchase, selling, transporting, breeding and private ownership of nonnative pets. This is virtually every reptile, bird, fish, and small mammal commonly kept as pets. These are the animals that WILL NOT be banned:

any cat (Felis catus)
cattle or oxen (Bos taurus)
chicken (Gallus gallus domesticus)
dog (Canis lupus familiaris)
donkey or ass (Equus asinus)
domesticated members of the family Anatidae (geese)
duck (domesticated Anas spp.)
goat (Capra aegagrus hircus)
goldfish (Carassius auratus auratus)
horse (Equus caballus)
llama (Lama glama)
mule or hinny (Equus caballus x E. asinus)
pig or hog (Sus scrofa domestica)
domesticated varieties of rabbit (Oryctolagus cuniculus)
sheep (Ovis aries)

This means the pets that WILL BE BANNED include reptiles, tropical fish, birds, hamsters, gerbils, ferrets, and guinea pigs.

Because guinea pigs will destroy our frail ecosystems (or the economy, what?), but keeping a llama is A-OK.

I know what you're thinking. It's probably along the lines of "WHAAAAAT". Or "IS THIS A JOKE?". Or even possibly "FINALLY! I TOLD THEM THE IMMINENT HAMSTER INVASION IS NIIIIGH."

If it was anything like the former two reactions, anti-HR 669ers are urging people at this point to not panic. This thing is still way off from being a law. The hearing on the 23rd is only the beginning of what would be a long process. "Nonnative" animals you have currently won't be affected (though if it goes through, you will be prohibited from breeding or transporting them across state lines). And this is just in the US for now.

But if you want to help nip this thing in the bud, here are things you can do to help:

Contact members of the subcommittee (their names and contact info can be found at the end of this document)
Contact your representative in Congress (here's how)
Start organizing a Rodent Underground Railroad to Canada (haha, wouldn't that be kind of cute though?)
TELL PEOPLE! Friends, family, coworkers, yell it from the rooftops! This effects everybody who likes snakes, small pets, beta fish, parrots; everything but the kitchen sink (though the kitchen sink isn't on the Approved List either)

And remember to stay civil if you do contact anybody!

More information can be found here, and here. And again, the full text of the document can be found here. Aaand MoT out!

Unicornoodles For Sale

2009-03-01T14:04:00.004-05:00

This immortal CL ad lampoons everything we love about dog AND horse breeding!

Unicornoodles for sale...

I have one of the rarest mixes around. These are NON sheeding Unicorns, and keep their horns all year round. They have wonderful coats and are hypo-allergenic.

Champion lines and european bloodlines (One of the unicorn's grandpappy's actually won something one time or something like that when yugoslavia was a country)
Designer Breed - so they gotta be healthy right?
I'll be charging $3500 because I want them to go to good homes only.
These are the smartest and brightest around. You won't find anything smarter!!!
These are CKC registered (since the CKC will register anything with four legs)
Raised with kids, cats, imps and fairys.
Grandmother owned by Paris Hilton's cousin's ugly step-sister.

They are GUARANTEED to keep your tweens and teens virginal until their prince arrives. Don't waste your money on the countless badly bred purebreds, and mix breeds... instead waste your money on a unicornoodle and be the envy of the universe.

In less fun news, it sounds as though the Obama family is leaning ever further in the Portuguese Water Dog direction, and I'm not the only one with some consternation. Hmmm.

Sorry for my absence of late, all! I've been working on another project that's eaten up some time. But no worries. I'm still here and cynical. :)

10 Strangest Mutts

2009-02-25T21:43:00.003-05:00

Longtime reader Ala sent me this adorably funny article: 10 Strangest Mutts (part 2). Hands up, who totally wants to snuggle that second pooch! Mohawks are totally going on my list of features I love in a dog, right up there with beards and shaved butts, y'all. :) What a great way to promote the mutts they have up for adoption.

Now hands up, those who find the last dog on the list to be the freakiest-looking muttpuppy they've ever seen!

The Pedigree Dogs Debate Continues

2009-02-23T10:54:00.003-05:00

Check out this report by the RSPCA!

Because each breed has its own problems there is unlikely to be one cure-all solution. However, the authors have suggested a number of possible ways forward. The four measures considered to be of greatest priority are:
Systematic collection of data on the diseases all dogs suffer from and causes of death.
Changes to current registration rules to prevent the registration of puppies born from the mating of close relatives.
Changes to current registration rules to allow new genetic material to be introduced into breeds. Currently a dog can only be registered with the Kennel Club if both its mother and father are registered members of that breed’s studbook.
Monitoring of the effectiveness of any changes to breeding strategies.

Essentially, quit linebreeding and open the registries!! Yes!

Will it give the Kennel Club any food for thought? I sure hope so. In the meantime, I hereby call the role of president of the Mark Evans Fanclub. Who's with me??

Jon and Kate Plus 10

2009-02-17T17:19:00.004-05:00

This just in, the Gosselins have adopted two puppies.

The Gosselins - just in case you live under a rock - are the family whose lives are televised in the hit show Jon and Kate Plus 8.

Through intrauterine insemination, the couple first had twin girls, and four years later Kate gave birth to sextuplets. That's two 9-year-old girls, and six 5-year-olds.

Two 9-year-old girls, six 5-year-olds, and now two puppies.

Okay. I am not totally anti-Jon-and-Kate. They're a cute family.

BUT WHY DID THEY ADOPT TWO PUPPIES?

Not even any puppies. German shepherd puppies! This is a breed that is
a) very active
b) very SMART
c) up to 100lb full-grown
d) sometimes aggressive in the wrong hands.

Did I mention that they're PUPPIES?

This is not using your head.

When you're in any kind of unusual circumstances, it is ESSENTIAL before adopting a dog to do all that thinking ahead. With a purebred you usually know what you're getting into.

Are Jon and Kate going to have the time to socialize two puppies, what with raising EIGHT KIDS UNDER THE AGE OF TEN? Do they have GSD experience? Do they have time to devote to exercizing both dogs? Are they certain their children and puppies will get along? Will they be able to train both litters to respect each other? Do they know if any of the kids might have dog allergies?

Taking all this into consideration, the obvious answer is that they shouldn't have a dog at all. I wouldn't entrust a guinea pig to most nine-year-olds, and apparently these children couldn't even keep hermit crabs alive. But if they must have a dog, why not a whippet from a rescue? I swear whippets are the sweetest dogs on the whole planet: they're notably good with children, healthy, low-energy, and it couldn't possibly be that hard for such a high-profile family to find a mature, already trained dog. Or how about a greyhound (also low-energy and low-shedding)? Or a beagle (cheerful and friendly and great with kids)? Or a Golden retriever (calm and trainable, nonaggressive, and also great with kids)? Why get two German shepherd puppies??

When you're in the public eye like this, people do tend to follow your example. This is not only disappointing; it's ridiculous. Jon and Kate Gosselin, here's your sign.

*The episode Puppies! is set to air next week.

First Dog-watch '09

2009-02-13T16:11:00.008-05:00

It seems like half the dog world is waiting with bated breath to see which breed of dog President Obama will adopt into the White House: Portuguese Water Dog, or Labradoodle?

As something of an, ahem, critic of muttpuppies - or at least of the ideas that surround them - I feel obligated to share an opinion. Mine may surprise you.

First we have the PWD, also known as "those shaggy dogs with the shaved butts". Fantastic! They're purebred and low-shedding and holy crap they have shaved butts. What's not to like?

The Labradoodle, on the other hand, is equally shaggy and sadly lacks a snappy trim, but is also low-shedding and quite intelligent. Hmmm.

In one corner, a smart, hypoallergenic, hairy monster. In the other corner, much the same.

Doodle and PWD. Or is it PWD and doodle?

I would pick the Labradoodle.

I will not lie. I love a dog with a shaved hiney almost as much as I love a dog with a beard - and I love a dog with a beard. But there are several other, indeed more important factors to consider, some of which may be known to the president and his family, some maybe not. Health, for instance.

The PWD is not a healthy breed. They're terrifically inbred, for starters. Long story short, the Portuguese Water Dog Club was founded in 1972 when there were 12 known PWDs in America. Ten short years later and the number had hiked to 650. Around this time, PWDs were registered with the AKC, both officially submitting them to the closed registry system, and causing their numbers to soar. And ever since then, the gene pool has been strangled more and more. God forbid the AKC ever entertains the notion of admitting an outcrossed dog or open registries! So the breed gets sicker and sicker. Thanks a lot, Snidely.

This isn't my real concern since the Obamas probably aren't planning on breeding the First Dog. Probably. But we are talking about a nation who apparently caused a rise in breed popularity not only after 101 Dalmatians was released, but also following Beethoven. BEETHOVEN. The movie about the dog that slobbers and sheds and eats his owners' belongings (and probably fantasizes about eating them too, oh my God!). Some people just have no idea what breed they want when they get a dog, till the first one that looks remotely interesting drifts into their line of vision. Well, if it's good enough for the president ...!

And of course, with demand, comes supply. The last thing PWDs need now is a spike in popularity.

The AKC and Westminster, of course, wholeheartedly back the idea of a Porti First Dog. Health issues be damned, they'd love to see that resulting registration money, and I imagine they'll be crowing enthusiastically about how President Obama endorses purebreds after all the flack they're gonna be taking. Sort of like that time-old playground defence that that other kid can't be mean to you because you have an older brother in the sixth grade who'll beat him up. Did that ever work, by the way?

In comparison, there are a lot worse dogs to select than a Labradoodle.

I yammer about unpredictability a lot, and before you stone me, I'm not backing down from that conviction. But this is one of the many reasons why getting a designer dog from a shelter, as the Obamas plan to do, is so much better than going for a breeder. Labradoodles can be low-shedding ... they can also shed quite as much as their Lab parent does. When you adopt from a shelter, for one thing, you don't have to pay the exorbitant sum that (what amounts to) mutts are going for these days, and secondly, you're probably getting a mature dog. There will probably be people there who can tell you about his temperament and they may even know whether he qualifies as "hypoallergenic" or not. And there's no shame in taking a shelter dog home for a trial run.

And let's face it: Whether the mutt's got hybrid vigour in its favour or not, a Labradoodle is bound to be vastly healthier than a PWD.

So there we are. MoT is championing a muttpuppy over a purebred. Don't get used to it. ;)

Besides, it's all about public image. I feel a snooty purebreed will not be well-received by America. No worries... I hope.

Everybody Wants a Pug

2009-02-12T10:58:00.003-05:00

But nobody wants to take care of one...

Oblivuary

2009-02-10T15:52:00.008-05:00

Apparently February is a month of general obliviousness. Oblivuary is a sister occasion to Opposite Day, where down is up and boy bands play instruments. Unfortunately, while this month also features down as up, the difference is that nobody notices.

And you know what brought this on: dear old Westminster.

Take, for example, the Dogue de Bordeaux, finally recognized as a breed by the AKC in July '08 ... and decried by the UK KC several months later. If you've been following the doggy dailies, you know of the BBC's ultimatum to Crufts, Westminster's British counterpart: Remove 14 disease-riddled breeds from the show, or be booted off the network. Crufts was dropped like a hot potato. And can you guess who featured among those 14 at-risk breeds?

Duh, says Brickface McDewlap.

Not only does the AKC not even acknowledge the studies by the Kennel Club across the pond - they can't wait to show off their new breed.

Sigh.

Don't even get me started on PETA.

Actually, do, because this still makes me laugh. PETA takes a stand against purebreeds by dressing up as the KKK outside Westminster. For real!

"Their goal, according to a post on the PETA website, was to draw a parallel between the KKK and the American Kennel Club. "Obviously it's an uncomfortable comparison," PETA spokesman Michael McGraw told the Associated Press.
But the AKC is trying to create a "master race" when it comes to pure-bred dogs, he added. "It's a very apt comparison.""

Okay, that is definitely not the message I got. Just me, or ...?

Moving past this bizarro-world logic, PETA once again shuts its eyes to the real issues: Genetic health disorders and inbreeding. Nope, the AKC is trying to cleanse its - er, race of dogs. Because all purebreed breeders want, of course, is to see the mutts of the world gassed or machete'd or lynched or enslaved to serve the conformationally perfect dogs! (Wouldn't that last one be just a little bit cool to see, though?)

And so once again we tiredly realize that PETA cares far more about publicity than it does about animals.

I hereby counteract fueling this loonie-bin fire by proclaiming Adopt a purebred if you want to! and Buying from a breeder does not make you a bad person/a shelter-dog killer! Also, EAT A SEA KITTEN! They're delicious and they have no soul!

As for the AKC... Well, there's not much to be done there until they open their eyes, take their hands away from their ears and stop humming loudly. Ho hum.

"Puppycide"

2009-02-05T12:14:00.002-05:00

This week has been busy! And now I'm afraid all I've got time for is to bring you all down with this unhappy tale.

I'm sorry. But seriously, holy crap! Even worse than the fact that cops are killing dogs is the underlying idea that BSL will not work to lessen the fervour whipped up by "vicious dogs" (several of the dogs mentioned were not pit bull types). But we knew that already. So what next? Is education the real key here? Of course it is, but how to spread it? Suddenly those licenses aren't looking like such a bad idea. (Please please at least make a license mandatory to breed. To breed ANYTHING. Human babies included!)

I am such a downer. Here's a Panda Dog to cheer you up.

Shorkie Time

2009-01-31T13:57:00.008-05:00

At the request of Steffy from Priceless Pups...

Meet the Shorkie. That's a Yorkie/Shih-tzu - not Sheltie. ;)

(Where are all the plus-sized muttpuppies at? Somebody find me a nice big hybrid to pick apart. They get a bonus point in the pros section if they're big enough for me to wrestle with.)

Anyway, the Shorkie. While they're not a poodle hybrid, they are rapidly taking off as a designer breed. In fact, they seem to be selling like hotcakes... Let's find out why!

THE PROS: God help me, they're so cute. Look at the cute! Look at it!!

They are low-shedding, and this we can say with some degree of certainty as both parent breeds are also relatively low shedders. Mind you, since I've never met a Shorkie myself, I'm not sure how this works out, as the Yorkie sheds so little because it has hair, and the Shih-tzu can thank its double coat. I'm struggling to imagine how these come together, but I'm sure it works out okay for little Shorkie.

Yorkies were, of course, working terriers before they hit the show ring; but Shih-tzus have always been companion dogs. A well-socialized Shorkie should be content to curl up in your lap with you, and just chill out and be affectionate.

Oh, and they should be quite brave. Which, let's face it, is better than timid.

THE CONS: Okay, a redaction: Shorkies are cute, except when they're not. (YOWCH at that last one!)

Some owners are saying their Shorkies were easily trained, but both parent breeds can be somewhat difficult, so that's a look-out as well.

That fearlessless can be an issue, too. Sometimes it's good for a dog to know that he's small enough to eat in two bites. This is actually a problem you see in writing, too - when a writer is trying to make out that their character is all buff and manly, they call him fearless. "Fearless" actually means "stupid".

But on the other hand, a fearful dog is even worse. And this one can happen a lot in toy breeds. It's extremely important to socialize a small dog young so that he isn't afraid of things later. Get him accustomed to children, other dogs, small animals, and both men and women. Let him be a puppy and run around and stick his nose in things and get into mischief. I can't stress this enough! The trouble with being a small dog is that you are so very small - small enough to be tucked under Mummy's arm whenever the whim strikes her, or to make her think you need protecting, or to be treated like a purse. When a puppy gets the chance to sniff butts and make friends with a bigger dog, he learns that bigger dogs are okay. When his owners are always snatching him up the second another canine appears on the horizon, he never gets the chance to learn on his own, and fear of the unknown can cause some major aggression later. Fear aggression is the worst to break a dog of. Worse than dominance aggression. Ever notice how the smaller the dog is, the snappier it seems to be? The smaller a dog is, the less it gets treated like a dog. It's not a breed thing, I promise. It all comes down to socialization - this goes for all breeds. Every puppy needs to wrestle and play and explore and get into trouble.

That said, the Shorkie does not necessarily require a dog-savvy owner. I imagine that they can make good family pets, which is what we like. BUT, people who are interested in a toy dog should know what special considerations toys need in order to raise a balanced dog. Because nobody likes an ankle-biter.

HEALTH ISSUES:
You breed small, you risk patellar luxation. Health screening is always good.

Shih-tzus are brachycephalic. Yorkies are not. But this doesn't mean that the puppy won't be. (Don't make me show you the underbite again.) Another problem we get with Shih-tzus is exposure keratopathy syndrome - when the eyes are particularly prominent, the dog can't blink properly, and their eyes end up exposed and uncomfortable. The outcome can be nasty. As with the jaws, there's no guarantee of breeding this feature out, so you certainly want to steer clear of parents with exaggerated facial features. Both breeds come with their share of eye problems, though, including entropion, that nasty turning-in of the eyelashes, and cataracts.

And lastly, another trouble of breeding small: hydrocephalus, which can hit up both parent breeds.

So, all things considered, the Shorkie is not a bad hybrid. But it is fairly superfluous, considering the Shih-tzu (and a half-dozen other small woolly breeds) can serve every function the Shorkie can. From my perspective they look like another fad breed. That being said, they do possess some unique appeal, and if you can find a breeder who does all the health screening and that oh so important socialization, you could wind up with a very pleasant and lovable lap dog.

Because Doodle Is So 2008

2009-01-26T15:12:00.003-05:00

I hope everybody had a lovely weekend. The Angry Pig's mystery ailments continue to puzzle me, and you wouldn't believe how much time has been taken up by monitoring and examining and researching and double-checking that research and scrambling to confer with any vet within reach. And, mostly, worrying. But I can breathe a little easier; I don't think she's dying. (And I'm not sure this is even possible anyway since the AP was probably never alive to begin with, being that she's more likely the manifestation of a violent malevolent spirit taking the form of a two-pound rodent in order to throw everybody off its trail until it's amassed all the knowledge it needs to mount a full-scale attack.)

So the Shorkie post is in the works, but I'm afraid all I've got today is this hilarious list Shoshannah posted in the comments:

New Dog Cross Breeds
-- Have you heard about the new dog cross-breeds?

They crossed a Collie and a Lhasa Apso. The new breed is a Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport.

They crossed a Spitz and a Chow-Chow. The new breed is a Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot.

They crossed a Pekingese and a Lhasa Apso. The new breed is Peekasso, an abstract dog.

They crossed a Labrador Retriever and a Curly Coated Retriever. The new breed is a Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of laboratory researchers.

They crossed a Pointer and a Setter. The new breed is a Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet.

They crossed a Irish Water Spaniel and a English Springer Spaniel. The new breed is a Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean.

They crossed a Newfoundland and a Basset Hound. The new breed is a Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors.

They crossed a Bloodhound and a Labrador. The new breed is a Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly.

They crossed a Malamute and a Pointer. The new breed is a Moot Point, owned by....oh, well, it doesn't really matter.

They crossed a Collie and a Malamute. The new breed is a Commute, a dog that travels to work.

They crossed a Deerhound and a Terrier. The new breed is a Derriere, a dog that's true to the end.

They crossed a Bull Terrier and a ShihTzu. The new breed is a uhh, I'll get back to you on that...

If you're feeling creative, see if you can come up with your own. How about an Anatolian Shepherd and a Dalmation ... an Anamation, the breed that loves Saturday morning cartoons.

A Great Dane and a Scottish terrier would be a Great Scott!

A Jindo/Lowland sheepdog? Let's call it J-Lo (you could name the dog Jenny From The Block).

And for kicks, a Yorkshire terrier/Labradoodle/Dandie Dinmont Terrier ... a Yorkie Doodle Dandie, why not!

Not Dead/Kidnapped/Amnesic

2009-01-24T11:19:00.004-05:00

Sorry for going MIA! Let's just say that if there's one thing the Angry Pig is getting good at, it's needlessly scaring the pee out of her mummy.

I'm back with only a news story, I'm afraid, and an old one at that, but it really jumped out at me.

(WARNING: Graphic images.) Great Dane starved down to 75lb last year.

The dog was seized by animal control who said the dog could barely stand, it had sores on its hindquarters where it hadn’t moved, and they could count every notch on its spine from the base of its neck to the tip of its tail. There is also a huge swelling on its front leg that they don’t know what it is yet.

[...] The dog’s owner is currently in rehab and the owner’s aunt was supposed to have been feeding her. The dog has been starved for months but right next to her kennel in a covered trash can were bags of dog food meant to feed her.

As for the people that did this, Animal Control Officer Carl Bolton promises action, soon.

Well, "justice" was served five and a half months later in the form of a 90-day home incarceration and two-year probation. (Small graphic thumbnail image.)

“It’s one of the few, if not the first, convictions that’s happened in Knox County for abuse of a dog,” said Knox County Animal Control Officer and Constable Carl Bolton. “I’m tickled with what we got. It’s a start.”

But not everyone was pleased that Whitaker could avoid any jail time.

“I am very disappointed in the Knox County court system,” said Knox-Whitley Animal Shelter Manager Amy Young. “I feel like they let the dog down, and us down, and all the people who cared for her, all the people who came out to support her. I think I can say on behalf of them that we are all disappointed.

“It just bothers me that this guy can get up off his couch and get something to drink whenever he wants,” she said. “If he were in jail, he’d have to ask for it.”

Princess, the Dane, knew two months of TLC before being euthanized due to cancer.

So much for Romeo's Law.

Oh, America. When can we rally all the states, drop the slaps on the wrist, and really throw the book at these people? Preferably a really big, heavy book. And maybe not throw. Maybe smash The Complete Works of Shakespeare into the face of Princess' deadbeat owner. And then starve him down to 75lb.

BAM. The sweet sound of justice.

Taking the Spark Out of Sparky

2009-01-19T17:19:00.008-05:00

Sweden thinks your dog is dumb.

Whoa, whoa, hold the phone! My dog may lick bookshelves as a hobby, but who are you scientists to call him stupid??

Actually, I kind of have to agree.

No, it's not like what the cats have been telling us for years. Not every dog is dimming down. When you think about it, you can guess the likely culprits. You got it - that parade of primped-up pooches who trot around the show ring every year at Westminster.

Look at it this way: If Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline had babies, and we bred those babies to each other, you wouldn't exactly be expecting rocket science from those offspring.

Also, the study did only cover 31 breeds, out of about 158 registered with the AKC. But they took care to examine some of the breeds that were once prided for their working ability, now too dull to investigate an unfamiliar object when they find one. Yikes. This is why we fought so hard to keep Border collies out of the Kennel Club!

Pete the Vet ends the article on an optimistic note: "Will we now start to see a swing towards healthier, smarter pedigree dogs?" I certainly hope so. But the road to healthier, smarter pedigree dogs might prove too strenuous for the AKC. After all, we're talking about abandoning that tired old "we're just a registry" excuse, breed standard revisions, opening the closed registry system, and now, perhaps, asking for working performance from our show dogs instead of just good looks. Madness!

(Poor breeders. I know some of you out there are rockstars ..!)

Too Sexy

2009-01-16T17:11:00.007-05:00

Here is my dog Tip bumming around on the stairs.

What a hottie.

And here is the coolest picture I have of him (taken through glass), blasting through the snow in my dad's backyard.

Uncharacteristically intense!

So there we have Tip being Tip, and the picture I show people when I want them to think I have a supercool action-figure sheepdog and not a mentally challenged kitten in a dog's body.

This is my semi-subtle homage to Food Lady from Three Woofs and a Woo, and OMG I am disowning you all for not pointing me to this blog sooner. Border collies? Photography? I am there! I want to steal her life, honest. Some day when I have the time I'll work on my photography until my shots are actually presentable, and own a pack of wicked-cute Borders, and foster on the side; until then I am stuck with just Tip, photos taken through grimy glass, and old TWaaW posts, through which I trawl and love on Mr Woo like the crazy dog-stalker I am.

IN OTHER NEWS I got a strongly worded email from the Shih-tzu Club of America telling me that the Imperial Shih-tzu is not, actually, a purebreed dog. And I am not really sure what to do with that information except tell you all, in case somebody's been spreading the word behind my back that MoT totally thinks Imperial Shih-tzus are a breed. LIES. (Maybe they should forward that email to Sherry Carter, though, hmm?)

Speaking of, post on the much talked-about Shorkie coming up! For now, just look at the Woo. He's my new happy place.

SAVE THE SEA KITTENS

2009-01-15T11:43:00.001-05:00

In Other News!

The other day I heard my dog who is roughly as smart as a deck chair crunching busily on something. When I arrived at the scene, he spat out what looked like a partly-hollowed-out black claw. I checked all his feet, yet every claw was present and accounted for.

This is a medical mystery. I am stumped. I think he ate another dog, but his lawyer denies all allegations.

---

It's one month from Valentine's Day, my friends! (Unless you're like me and the most prominent male figure in your life is your dumb dog, in which case it's almost Singles Awareness Day, booo.) I want to take the opportunity to remind everyone that giving puppies as gifts is a BAD idea. No. Bad. Don't do it. If you're a guy, just tell her you respect her ability to make decisions independently of you enough that you want her to pick out her own dog, if she even wants one. That's like two gifts at once. Then tell her to get back in the kitchen.

I also want to say that if any males out there would like to give me a Panda Dog for V-Day, that would be okay.

---

PETA's new campaign is to change the name of fish to "sea kittens". I can't make this stuff up! Go to the website secure in the knowledge that this will never ever happen and I can guarantee you'll be giggling for days. They want to make fish sound cute enough that we won't want to eat them, but they are overlooking one fact that seems very vital to their campaign. Fish are not cute, ever.

Have you seen a fish lately PETA??

I can see another flaw in that I, personally, would delight in the opportunity to tell people that I eat kittens.

They have a bunch of facts ready that are supposed to endear sea kittens to us, like, "A University of Edinburgh study found that sea kittens can retain information that they learned up to 11 months earlier, which makes them cuter and smarter than the president of the United States!" Oh no you di'n't PETA! "Like their surface-dwelling cousins, the land kittens, sea kittens enjoy being petted. Their lack of arms makes it difficult for them to pet back, but they often gently rub against each other as a sign of affection." And I know they are lying about this one because when I was six and tried to pet my goldfish it shat itself and hid in its castle. You are not selling me on sea kittens, PETA.

The sea kitten stories need no commentary, they speak pretty loudly for themselves.

PETA I love you. You brighten my chilly winter days. But seriously, look at a fish. I think even you will agree that ocean sunfish need to die. And then? we need to perform a Latin ritual to ensure that they never come back.

Ever.

Sorry, Please Try Again

2009-01-15T10:22:00.001-05:00

On the revised UK KC breed standards, RSPCA says not good enough.

The Kennel Club has ordered strict new rules affecting 78 different dog species to stop incestuous breeding which can cause the animals ill-health.

Among the breeds targeted by the move is the British Bulldog, which would lose its trademark jowls and wrinkles in favour of smaller faces, longer legs and leaner bodies.

However, the RSPCA has said that the revised standards are not enough to significantly improve animal welfare.

RSPCA chief veterinary adviser Mark Evans said: "We haven't yet had the opportunity to look at the Kennel Club's reviewed breed standards in detail, but our initial concerns are that the changes don't appear to be radical enough to really make a difference.

"We also question how the standards may be interpreted in the show ring."

Meanwhile, the British Bulldog Breed Council says already the revisions are more than enough, and threatens legal action.

On this side of the pond, MoT pulls up a seat in the cynical corner and says give me a break breeders.

Fugpuppies

2009-01-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

This should be the posterchild of MoT.

It's a boxer/Basset hound mix, dug up by our resident American in Copenhagen. Altogether now, let's just put our heads between our knees and be grateful the image doesn't get any bigger than that.

I have a mission, should you choose to accept it. Next time you've got a spare minute, hustle over to Google and dig up the weirdest, most random mix you can possibly find. I can kick things off with Samson here, a Great Dane/Newfoundland so out of proportion there are virtually no words.

And if you ever wondered what a Dalmatian/Shar-pei would look like, well...

For once I can't say what was in my head was worse than what it actually is. (It's a Sharmatian!)

And let's not forget PANDA DOG.

(I'm sorry! I just can't stop looking at it!!)

Well? Get cracking! Shock me. ;)

The End of an Era

2009-01-13T11:38:00.000-05:00

I'd like to call it the end of the Dogs With Dewlaps era, because while that doesn't begin to cover the deformities of the pedigree dogs, the dewlaps really do embody all of that which appalls me.

I could give my own cheer about the [UK] Kennel Club revising breed standards and tossing out inbreeding (nothing about linebreeding though), but I'll just pimp out this post of Terrierman's. Because I'm lazy and T-man is very concise and cynical.

The revised standards are definitely worth a look - check out all the revisions under English bulldog. And here's what I like to see:

Shar Pei
Head & Skull: Moderate wrinkle on forehead and cheeks. [Delete ‘continuing to form dewlaps’].

Neapolitan Mastiff
Characteristics: Some loose fitting skin over body and head permitted, not to be excessive. [Delete ‘with a double dewlap’].
Neck: Fairly short, stocky, very muscular. [Delete ‘dewlap from lower jaw reaching mid-point of neck’]

Bloodhound
Characteristics: Skin relatively loose. [delete ‘especially noticeable about head and neck and where it hangs in deep folds’].

(Seriously. Dewlaps = gross.)

They've also tossed out screw/twist tails, the removal of dewclaws, and such ridiculous statements as (under Chihuahua), "If two dogs are equally good in type, the more diminutive preferred".

So have a look through, pick out your favourite amendments, and cross your fingers for the AKC to get its act together. Knowing Canada, we will probably wait a week to assert our independence, and then do whatever Britain's doing.

The Changing Tides...

2009-01-10T16:41:00.000-05:00

Did you ever see that movie North County? And the end, when all the women stand up one by one alongside Charlize Theron in agreement on men in the mines being gross and sexist?

Well, I stood up - now, entering the New Year, I think I'm seeing others stand up too...

Here's a well-written article by an Atlanta dog trainer about adopting a new dog into your family, and the points the not-so-dog-savvy class don't always consider. This is what she has to say about designer breeds:

"Intentional mixed breeds, or "designer dogs," are trendy, though that trend seems to be cooling a bit. Think long and hard before plunking down a lot of money on the same mixed breed you can adopt from the local animal shelter. Intentional mixes are generally no more healthy or allergen-free than any other breed or mix, they just cost more."

From the mouths of the savvy!

Now another article about "hypoallergenic" dogs. Who'da thought even the selection of Obama's dog could get so political? We know he's never gonna go with a purebreed, because that would make him out to be an oh-my-God-elitist, but this person has some suggestion anyway.

""Designer dogs," often mixed with poodles, are not recommended for allergy suffers due to their unpredictable coat.
Each dog in a litter of mixed breeds is unique in its size, coat type, temperament and energy level, making the high prices unjustifiable and the claims these dogs are ideal misleading at best.
A "designer dog" lacks predictability and could pose a problem for Obama's allergy-suffering daughter."

For what it's worth, I do agree to some extent; though bear in mind that this writer's main source is the AKC, and we know they've got an agenda...

There is another big war kicking up in the dog world, my friends! And it started with Pedigree Dogs Exposed. But it's not as cut-and-dry as the Kennel Club vs. dog people. There are all kinds of groups getting wrapped up in this.

There's the Kennel Clubs and conservative breeders who don't think there's anything wrong or don't make it their business.

There are the purebreed breeders who accept that something's up with their dogs and want to help - though they run the risk of being practically booted out of the parent club...

There are the "abandon ship" breeders who give up purebreds as a lost cause (or as a cause no longer bringing in enough cash) and move on to mixed breeds.

There are the designer breeders who, unintentionally or not, take advantage of the insecurities being whipped up by promoting the hybrid vigour effect.

There are responsible breeders out there who, regardless of breed, just want to produce a happy, healthy pet, and do their best to do so - unfortunately, they seem to be underrepresented in this war...

And of course you've got the dog owners - the oblivious (who will probably dump their puppy as soon as they buy a new carpet), the uneducated (who don't know about this "war", or else just buy into whatever breed they think looks attractive). The "elitist" breed devotees and the others who stoutly swear by their muttpuppies. And, of course, that group I affectionately refer to as the dog-savvy, who do their homework and don't need designer breeders or the AKC to make up their mind for them.

I suppose all we can do is wait and watch and wonder. I've no idea who's going to win this war, if anybody can "win". But I will predict this: I think we may be about to see the extinction of a couple old breeds. Soak up the Neapolitan mastiff while you can...

The Breeder Wars, part 3

2009-01-10T11:10:00.000-05:00

[buries head in hands] This is getting bizarre.

Take a look at Sherry Carter's revised slander page.

First she links to my post on Fuzzy Wuzzy Pups.com to back her point about the Shorkie Club brokering puppies. Then she drops the link to my blog all over the page and (I think) insinuates that I either A) am on board with Priceless Pups, or B) am a sock puppet of Priceless Pups.

I get the feeling she didn't read my whole post.

Ladies, my blog is not about you.

My blog is about purebred dogs and designer dogs and how one group is neither better nor worse than the other. As an offshoot of that, my blog is also about the health problems in purebreds and why mixed-breeding does not eradicate that. And sometimes, to demonstrate how dog owners can be taken in by this belief, I complain about breeders who promote the idea. Cindy, you do this. Sherry, you do this too. (Stefanie from Priceless Pups, you don't do this and I think I love you for it.)

This is getting absurd. It's been fun, but I am done here! I'm not taking down anything I've said about either of you until you can prove that it's untrue. And since I haven't said anything like that you select one pup from every litter to drink its blood during the autumn equinox, or even that you don't care about your dogs, don't expect those posts to come down any time soon.

To my readers, we'll be back on track with a proper MoT-style post this afternoon.

And to Sherry, well, thanks for pimping my blog. ;)

EDIT: Revised again! I can't keep up with you people!

The Breeder Wars, part 2: MoT Makes a Name For Itself

2009-01-09T15:12:00.000-05:00

It's not slander if it's true, Cindy! [NOTE: Has been edited since I put this post up, but didn't look much different; just said "mutt puppies blog" instead of the more vague "a website", and that I can't be contacted.]

She didn't even link me. I linked her. Rude.

TRUE: Yes, your health warranty covers five whole years. Also true is that it's more questionable than green eggs and ham. Just look at all those loopholes. Puppies are not something to be fobbed off on people. My dog has a lifetime warranty regardless of health, and by that I mean if for some reason I couldn't keep him anymore, my breeder would gladly take him back and rehome him or contact a BC rescue on my behalf. Why go to the trouble? Because she'd rather see her former puppy placed back in good hands than imagine him winding up in a kill shelter. I couldn't buy from someone who'd have it any other way.
TRUE: You promote NuVet and your own brand of pet food. You know, some of us believe that breeding isn't about making a profit.
TRUE: You STILL have at least four litters on the go.
TRUE: Your puppies are ugly, Cindy.

FALSE: I have nothing better to do than talk about you and your breeding program? If that were true, Cindy, we'd be here all day.
FALSE: I can too be contacted. I have an email address. It's located on the right-hand side of the page.
FALSE: This is not a mutt puppy blog, you silly woman. Muttpuppy. It's one word here. I am not MPoT. The M-Pot sounds like a chic new club name.
FALSE: You have nothing to hide? Are you sure? Then why are you taking your name down from your sites? (Note: Cindy Miller's sites include, but are not limited to, Fuzzy Wuzzy Pups, Love Puppies 4 U, Shorkie World, Home Raised Babies, and TLC Shih-tzus. She breeds Chihuahuas, Shih-tzus, Yorkies, Shorkies, Chorkies, Morkies, and probably others.)

"THERE ARE SHORKIE BREEDERS THAT SAY WE MASS PRODUCE PUPPIES. IN 2008 WE HAD ONLY 8 LITTERS ALL BY DIFFERENT MOM'S. WE BREED OUR MOM'S AT MOST 1 TIME A YEAR." How many dogs do you freaking have?!

Anyway, while scheming my response to her slander page, I started to notice something weird about her websites. It dawned on me gradually. Now, when I started digging into the whole Sherry Carter/Priceless Pups mess, the word 'Fuzzy Wuzzy pups' on Priceless sent off little alarm bells. Trust me, I hounded high and low for a sniff of Cindy Miller, but she's nowhere to be found on that site. But Sherry's dutiful digging brought up this. Notice the email address that pops up with almost every hit. You got it: cindy@shorkieworld.com. And Googling that address, guess what I found (apart from even more puppies)?

The smoking gun. (Click for large view.)

Yep, first tip-off was the rant about two Shorkie breeders just under the rant about me. Second was Priceless Pup's stamp of approval. Cindy Miller is affiliated with Priceless Pups (PLEASE tell me this is a mistake, Priceless, you are the lesser of two evils here). And Sherry Carter is backed by Mileen Coulter (found anywhere muttpuppies are).

I think I may be in over my head here.

To Be Continued, I'm sure. Excuse me while I go find myself a convenient bunker.

EDIT: Just wanted to add that the founder of Priceless Pups sent me a very reasonable email today re: my blog post yesterday, asking for my thoughts on her breeding practises. It made me very happy to think of a sane designer breeder out there, and I hope very much that she was being honest with me and will take some of my advice. But on the other hand, knowing what I do about Cindy Miller, Puppy Shiller (on top of everything else, somebody claiming to have bought a puppy from her tells me she wasn't allowed to see Cindy's house, which we know screams puppy mill), I'm feeling a bit wary and a little like I'm in the Twilight Zone...

The Breeder Wars

2009-01-08T11:54:00.000-05:00

(EDIT 01/11/09: After corresponding with Steffy from Priceless Pups, I am glad to say that she is making changes to her site and her practises. She's improved the front page and has added this to her warranty:
"That for any reason under the sun you cannot care for or keep one of our priceless pups contact me immediately and first so are we able to help in re-homing or take the puppy back. We never want one of our puppies past around from home to home or at worst ending up at the pound because our puppy parents did not want to call us or bother us. We are always here to help with any puppy no matter if it is to answer questions or concerns you may have or unforeseen situations that may arise.
Our commitment to our puppies DOES NOT end once you get your puppy home. You cant get rid of me that easy!"
I also have her word that she'll look into clicker training classes, and, hopefully, further socializing her puppies before they leave her.

I am MAJORLY impressed with the way Steffy has handled this. It takes a very mature and responsible person to see criticism as an opportunity to learn and improve. Best of luck, Steffy!)

My mind has been repeatedly boggled over the past few months as I delve deeper into the mysterious world of designer dogs and breeders. But I have to say, of all the mind-blowing nuttiness we've seen running rampant in the world of breeders, this takes the nutty cake.

Innnnn this cornerr: Sherry Carter! Seen here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, over here, aaaand here.

(That whooshing sound? That was your mind being blown once again.)

Sherry offers us Shih-tzus and Shorkies of the Imperial, teacup, and "fuzzy wuzzy" variety, and "teddy bear" Shichons. She lays out each red flag on her sites with loving care:

Flashy, weird graphics.
Shipping. "I ship puppies with Continental Airlines year round because all other airlines stop shipping pets when the weather is over 70 degrees." How 'bout that. I wonder why that could possibly be? "After all our year of shipping puppies to all parts of the United States such as Alaska , and to Canada , Switzerland . I also have a puppy in the Bahamas . We Are The Experts on Shipping your new Shorkie puppy home!" Sister, that sure makes you something and the word isn't "expert".
Christianity. It's a very small reference, but I caught it, sneaky. [fingerwag] However, we'll let this one slide, since it's not something I'd have even noticed if it weren't for the fact that every bad breeder out there seems to feel the need to tell us they love Jesus on their websites.
Misplaced quotation marks, the bane of every satirical blogger. "I did not keep cross breeding because of my "Love " for the Imperial Sized ShihTzu's . I was strictly into the " PURE BRED " Toy breeds and have spent Many years " Perfecting " the Imperial ( Sized ) AKC ShihTzu." Ookay.
NuVet Vitamins.

Damn you, NuVet! This is a conspiracy on an international scale! What is going on here?? The more I find The NuVet Clause in breeders' health warranties, the more curious I get, yet there is no information on NuVet, at all, anywhere. Using Sherry Carter's order code (since you can't access the order form without one) and the alias Kenny Rogers, I tried to slip behind enemy lines to do some reconnaissance, and discovered ... absolutely nothing. That place is sealed tighter than Fort Knox in deep space. It'll tell you what you can buy and how much the product is, and nothing else. I feel like I'm negotiating with a drug peddler on the corner of Fifth and Main.

Every weird breeder tells you to go NuVet and they all give you the exact same spiel about it and how your health contract is null and void if you fail to buy it. You only get an order code from a catalogue, wherever they're hiding those (in the stomach of a Brazilian mule on a charter flight north, I assume) or from a breeder. And only the weird breeders have these mysterious codes. Bemused, I turned to C, my dog guru and veterinary consult. She was able to confirm what I'd already guessed: there's nothing sinister in the NuVet products, but they are only vitamins - forget the turds testifying that NuVet is responsible for preventing hip dysplasia in their dogs or that NuVet cured their dog's infection without any help from antibiotics. Most can't stop raving about how much shinier their pet's coat is, but any good diet could do that. (C forever pushes for veterinary diets like Medi-Cal over store-bought food, as, she says, it's the most balanced and consistent diet you can offer your pet.)

What a tangent. My point is, you don't need NuVet to keep your pet healthy, so it's painfully obvious to me that breeders are somehow profiting from this scheme whenever somebody uses their order code to buy a product. Right? I'm not crazy, right? And since NuVet gives its order code to the weird ones regardless of standards, in a roundabout way we can say NuVet supports irresponsible breeding and even puppy mills - right?

Whatever, just boycott NuVet with me. Now let's get back to Sherry, who tells us about hypoglycemia in her dogs and what to do if your dog has an episode. She also tells us that this can be brought on by stress - like, just throwing out there, being flown to the Bahamas - and a lack of TLC. Hypoglycemia happens in very small puppies, Sherry, like teacup toys, as if they don't have enough issues already; but you know that.

And there's some drivel about the AKC and how people who line-breed (inbreed) know what they're doing so why can't we leave them alone. "Beware of anyone that is cutting down AKC pure bred lines when they are cross breeding . One has to Ponder "What " they are really breeding." What are "you" breeding, Sherry?

I'm sure there is even more nuttiness littered throughout her eleven other websites, but let's swing the focus over to thee challenge-ahh!

In the blue corner: Priceless Pups.com! Found here, here, here, here, and here, breeding Shorkies, Morkies, fuzzy wuzzy Shichons, and Shih-tzus.

Flashy graphics. Shipping. Christianity. Strange spelling/grammar errors. ("The Shorkie Club Of America is the only group ever established that is dedicated to the ethical development of the Shorkie breed? It is free to everyone and any shorkie breeder can apply! ???" I don't know? Do you?!!) Aggravatingly, an inflated sense of self-worth ("Your Master Shorkie Breeder", "Shorkie Queen", whatever). Also - a first for MoT - brainwashing. ("We count on the experts in our everyday lives. I know I do. We count on them to tell us who to vote for, what to eat, how to raise our children. ... So why should it be any different for your Shorkie adoption? Shorkies Are Our Area Of Expertise!") I'm told Priceless Pups is a collaborative effort by 17 breeders, but the only one we get a glimpse of is Stefanie (no last name) and the illustrious "we" she makes mention to, unless I'm missing something on one of their five websites. Their health warranty is identical to Sherry Carter's, demanding that you buy their food and oh my God NuVet! Oh my God! I knew I'd find you here! (NuVet: Hahaha! MoT, we meet again!)

But Priceless isn't all bad. For one thing, look at how cute this guy is. (What? Some muttpuppies are seriously unfortunate-looking!) They haven't dressed him up, or Photoshopped the image to say something like "I Woof You" in sparkling pink letters, and even the black velvet background is pretty tasteful. Yes, having been exposed to some of the worse photo-ops Florida has to offer, this matters to me.

They DO NOT believe in hybrid vigour, they announce in proud 75-pt font! "The only way to be a responsible breeder is to complete genetic testing to ensure the offspring are healthy!" I won't sweep my hat, but I will concede to tip it.

Now here's where things get really strange.

If you checked out any of Sherry Carter's dozen sites, you may have spotted something - well, even more out of place than some of their graphics. For instance, you may have been innocently scrolling this page, when all of a sudden, this leaps out to punch you in the face: "PUPPY BROKERS & PUPPY PUSHERS THAT SLANDER TO SELL THEIR OWN PUPPIES". Say what? Before you can say "What did you just call me?!", she moves on peacefully to display the next litter, while, elsewhere, slipping in a covert "PUPPY BROKERS THAT SLANDER TO SELL THEIR OWN PUPPIES". Or, like on this page, she sneaks in snippy little remarks like, "Note : WE don't sell puppies or Broker puppies for other breeders." See what she did there? "I have "NEVER" been turned down by ANY mixed breed puppy club or any club for that matter. I am in good standing with AKC." And right-clicking on certain graphics brings up, "JUST SAY NO TO PUPPY BROKERS AND PEOPLE THAT SELL FOR BUDDYS!!!" Okay, you bipolar psycho! We get it.

And, of course, clicking on the caps-locked link brings us to ... you guessed it ... a giant rant on every way Priceless Pups has ruffled her feathers. In fact, she's so angry, there are two rants. I'm not even sure what happened here. As best I can tell, Priceless stomped on the bucket-shaped sand castle she was building on the playground at recess (by which I mean one site stole the other's stupid creepy blinking-dog image, and maybe their health warranty), and after that all hell broke loose. Now she's hurling accusations left and right. And though her sources seem sketchy, the phone numbers she lifted from Priceless (1-877-4ABUDDI and 1-888-9SHORKIE) do pull up more breeder ads on Google than Priceless lets on.

However, this was my favourite part: "REAL BREEDERS DON'T OWN 300 WEBSITES AND HAVE TIME FOR ALL THIS . THERE PEOPLE BROKERS PUPPIES AND HAVE SO MANY WEBSITES THAT IT'S ASHAME."

Priceless Pups enters the ring swinging and counters with this and this (and gets one brownie point for also dragging Mileen Coulter's name through the mud). They too drop seemingly insignificant comments all over their plethora of sites, such as, "THE ONLY OFFICIAL SHORKIE PUPPIES are those breeders registered with the Shorkie Club Of America." Wading through this mess, it becomes apparent that Priceless is extremely offended that Sherry Carter would dare describe her Shorkies and herself as "official". Well, I hate to say it, Priceless, but no breeder has to be "official", especially when we're talking muttpuppies and made-up parent clubs. Look at it this way: you're as unofficial as each other!

And the glaringly obvious war tactic: They're both slapping copyrights over everything remotely visible to the human eye. On all their websites.

This is amazing. This is every bitch-stole-my-boyfriend catfight you ever witnessed in high school. This is pulling hair and scratching each other's eyes out. This is Godzilla versus Mothra, except not (because I would have to reserve that for if Mileen Coulter and Cindy Miller ever got into a public designer breeder smackdown. This is more like the Cloverfield monster versus the Iron Giant, if the latter weren't so heartwarming).

For once, let's not get mad. Let's get appropriately bewildered and amused, and sit back while these two ladies do my job denouncing each other for me. And in the meantime, ladies, ladies! You're both bad breeders. Okay?

Muttpuppies in Disguise

2009-01-06T21:17:00.000-05:00

"..." I hear you say.

I know what you're thinking.

If it's not an endless screech of "EEEEEEE", then, like me, you're thinking, Oh, you crazy Japanese. What will you think of next.

They're dyed. (And only that last one is a muttpuppy, because I'm a cheater. The other two are Chows.)

I ... I think I'm against this. I mean, you know people are going to be lining up to adopt Chows, solely for the aesthetic appeal of Panda Dog. But I'm kind of speechless at the moment. I don't know which is causing my brain to melt: The absurdity of the idea, or the indescribable amounts of cute.

However I draw the line at Chicken Poodle.

Grim Outlook for '09?

2009-01-05T11:36:00.000-05:00

Pete the Vet shares his predictions for 2009:

Bizarre pets will become more popular. In the past year, I have come across people keeping sugar gliders, Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches and Pacman frogs. In 2009, there will be more of these weird and wonderful pets. I've no doubt that they're often bought to impress, yet I also know that their owners become very fond of them and are generally in complete denial about any other pet-keeping motive than affection.

MoT: Bemusingly, true. We've been seeing this for a number of years now. When I was younger my family had a pet hedgehog (we were trend-setters, presumably). I've seen sugar gliders and degus for sale at the pet store I used to buy from, and heard of the sale of prairie dogs. Which makes no sense to me, since if you want a cuddly rodent companion who is longer-lived than a hamster and when put in your lap will lie there and make adorable noises, you cannot go wrong with a guinea pig. People are breeding Fennec foxes as pets, and even more bizarrely, in North America, we're seeing people buy red foxes (which reek and are anti-social - that site's a doozy, by the way), domestic skunks (which ... well), and even capybaras (which are 120lb guinea pigs, a prospect that delights and terrifies me equally. Also they require a pool to defecate in).

These animals as pets is a little weird, I must say. Even weirder are the people who want them. But people will always be weird.

Pedigree animals will continue to decline in popularity. The trend started by the BBC programme "Pedigree Dogs Exposed" shows no signs of abating. Many animal charities now actively discourage owners from buying pedigree dogs, as this over-the-top video from the USA demonstrates.

Noooo! No! It isn't too late to save our purebreds, people! Quit abandoning ship and start bailing out the water! Besides, just look at that video. It's from PETA. 'Nuff said, amiright?

Designer dogs are not the answer. We can save our purebreds. I liked Pedigree Dogs Exposed, but it's whipping up an awful lot of insecurity, and there are plenty of irresponsible muttpuppy breeders who'll take advantage of that. Bailing on your breed doesn't fix a thing - educating yourself on it does.

Animal rights will continue to move up the political agenda. Despite the recent conviction of animal rights activists for conspiracy to blackmail, there is a continuing surge of interest in the ideas that are typified by the concept that animals should be called "non-human persons". Pete Singer's book Animal Liberation was published in 1975, and since then, there has been a continual growth of interest in treating animals as sentient beings rather than as "dumb creatures" to be used as objects for use and abuse by humans.

We like animal welfare - which did gain a lot of momentum in 2008 - not animal rights. Dogs are dogs - not "persons".

Legislation to control pet ownership will increase. In 2008, Switzerland enacted legislation that means that prospective dog owners need to pass theoretical and practical tests (even vets aren't exempt from this ruling). The new Swiss laws also take a firm line on animal welfare in other ways, insisting that "social species", including guinea pigs and budgerigars, must be kept in groups of two or more because of the suffering induced by solitude. In the same way as smoking bans have become a worldwide phenomenon, the Swiss example could be part of a new trend.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up a minute. You want me to do what now?

I'm not saying education isn't important in dog ownership, but is this taking it a little too far? Will it really deter irresponsible owners, or will they slip through the cracks while better owners become reluctant? Why does this have to hit every dog breed, from Yorkie to Great Dane, all at once? Are things really this bad??

I feel a bit muddled on this one. I was in favour of breed-specific legislation in Ontario initially, because I expected it to weed out all the irresponsible owners of pit bull type dogs, but later changed my stance to: Screen the prospective owners! In fact, screen prospective owners of all "high-risk" breeds. I don't mean at risk of biting people - I mean at risk of developing a bad temperament due to poor ownership. Though it sounds cold, a Golden retriever will generally respond to abuse more passively than a bully breed. Why not check out which breeds are most likely to end up in rescues, and target those owners? I'm invested enough in the welfare of Border collies that I wouldn't mind writing some kind of test, but who's the government to say I can't adopt a family dog from a shelter without some kind of permit? More horrifying, what if I somehow fail the test? What does the practical test entail anyway? Going into a room with the dog and not beating it with a leash? (Actually, you have to walk a dog and react to certain situations that may arise. What situations? Because I'm five foot even, and when my dog gets it into his mind to say hi to another, well... He's stronger than he looks. Thank goodness for clickers.)

I don't know. I'm not sold. Though I like my government in many ways (when we actually have one [shakes a fist in Harper's direction]), I can be a bit of a libertarian when it comes to some issues. I don't like the idea of the government making me take the time to enroll in classes and write some test in order to adopt a dog. How much would the test tell you, really, anyway? And for that matter, while I implore prospective guinea pig buyers to invest in a pair, I also resent the Swiss government telling me that my Angry Pig is suffering - that she's being abused! - because she's alone. The government doesn't know that the AP fits the criteria for clinical sociopathy, nor that I tried when she was young to socialize and house her with another pig until I determined that the Elder Pig was in imminent danger of being strangled with piano wire and dumped in Lake Ontario. The government doesn't know that I keep the AP in my bedroom, where my desk and computer are, because I know it's where I spend most of my time, or that she gets "out-of-cage time" at least once or twice every day. And at the other end of the spectrum, I met a pair of guinea pigs who lived in their owner's basement, were taken out of the cage once a month, and fed whenever their dish was empty. Of course this isn't usually the case, but I'm just saying, it's not as cut-and-dry as forcing people to adopt in pairs. This won't tell you anything about the buyer or how the rest of the animals' lives are going to go. The AP is a cranky little snot, but she is very content, thankyouverymuch. The reason most people adopt a single pig is because A) they don't know how social guinea pigs are, and B) they don't realize that two pigs' upkeep is virtually the same as one. What we need is education over legislation here.

But mostly, I gotta say, I find it astounding that people would introduce a theoretical and practical test to screen prospective dog owners, and let any two human psychos breed willy-nilly without requiring any kind of parenting courses. Make that mandatory, and then talk to me about the dogs.

Switzerland, I think I may want a divorce.

Happy 2009!

2009-01-01T15:35:00.001-05:00

What a year! Let's look back at 2008:

Thousands of breeding cats and dogs were rescued from neglect and misery in puppy mill raids this year.
PA, the "puppy mill capitol", passed a bill that requires larger cages, exercise, and annual vet check-ups in order to crack down on puppy mills, also making it so that only professionals may put down animals at a commercial kennel.
Louisiana limited breeders to 75 adult dogs (sigh) and Virginia similarly restricted keeping more than 50 dogs older than a year. It's a start!
Lawmakers push to strengthen laws against animal fighting, making dogfighting - and even spectating a fight - a felony.
Britney went crazy and it was so exciting it kind of eclipsed other things for awhile, for some reason.
Prop 2 passed in California, improving the welfare of farm animals all over the state by making it a requirement that they be able to stand up and move around freely in their cages.
O Canada! The Frozen North cracked down on animal abusers by toughening its laws, closing up the loopholes, banning animal fighting, and putting penalties in place such as fines up to $60,000, a lifetime ban from animal ownership, and increased jail time.
Pedigree Dogs Exposed aired in the UK, sparking massive international outcry - and possibly changing the dog world forever.

Oh ... and of course, the hippest new dog blog hit the scene at some point. But you know that.

Happy New Year. Let's keep this animal welfare ball rolling!

Meet my new Christmas camera

2008-12-28T16:09:00.000-05:00

As predicted, my holiday so far has been pretty boring. I've spent most of my time staring into space and wondering whatever happened to Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman. And then, upon learning that the cast would be up for another run if only CBS would sell the rights to the show, wondering if perhaps I chose the wrong issues to advocate in my blog. But I digress.

To shake up the monotony, my bestest poo pal Zack is here with me for the afternoon. Got anything to say to the viewers at home, Zack?

Zack: [sneeze]

Fantastic. Zack's a Shih-poo and he's adorable. I love him so much that when he jumped on the couch to see what I was up to (browsing MoT), I swiftly covered his eyes under their Muppetpoo mop and said, "Don't believe a word of it, Zacky."

But I think MoT is really getting inside my head, because I'm noticing things about Zack I didn't before. Like what he left on my rug upon arriving in my home.

Non-shedding indeed!

And then more things began to dawn on me with increasing horror. Like just how short his muzzle is, which I realized when I started hearing the wheeze in his breath.

And then, when he came wagging toward me with a big doggy grin on his face, I recoiled in shock upon realizing that Zack has an underbite. How did I overlook that snagglefang before??

AND WHY DO WE STILL BELIEVE POODLE GENES WILL MAKE MUZZLES LONGER?

Zack is a cute dog, really he is. See him here with the Angry Pig, who hates all life forms except, absurdly, dogs. (Well, it was cute until he got so excited by her that he started coughing and sneezing.) It is just a bit of a let-down when I was all set to show you guys how not racist I am, and here my favourite poo is a walking MoT stereotype.

Consider this my disclaimer part three (four? What am I at now?). MoT will ruin designer dogs for you forever. Zack is a sweetheart and I love him to bits, but I think he'd have been better off as a nice, low-shedding toy poodle. All of the cute and lovely, none of the snagglefang.

Anyone at home have personal designer dog horror stories? You know I love to hear them.

Post-Holiday Cheer

2008-12-26T22:10:00.000-05:00

Happy holidays, all! Phew, who'd have thought the Christmas season could get so hectic? :)

Apologies for my absence... I'm spending the holidays with family, and have lately been busy scrambling to do last-minute shopping and kissing the chubby little cheeks off my newborn nephew. Now everything is thankfully settling down and I'm looking forward to a week of mind-numbing boredom. Oh, and blogging. I hope.

I'm afraid I haven't got much to report right now, except that I saw Marley & Me today. I hate movie theatres as a rule. They smell like popcorn and the collective breath of 200 snuffling people. But I broke my rule of thumb because Owen Wilson is adorable and, after all, I love the book. (Yes, I've heard all the negative rap - I love it anyway.) I bet half the people here have read it, too. If not, you're missing out. It's a lot of fun, especially if you're a (slightly sadistic) dog-savvy owner, because it seems like the poor Grogan family did everything wrong.

Buy from a slightly-shady breeder? Check! (I think John Grogan, who probably isn't very familiar with the terms, was a little too loose with the 'B' word, since it calls to mind such negative connotations and, as I say, the woman was only slightly shady. The place in the movie, however, sure looked like a BYB. Made me heave a big shudder.)
Forget to research research research? Check!
Buy the discount puppy, check!
Go into it knowing nothing about training techniques... Check. Oh dear.

The heartwarming thing is that Marley could have ended up a disaster, but he didn't. He landed in the right hands, if not the most capable hands, and they stuck by him and (eventually) managed to tame the beast (somewhat). Anyway, it's not a story about a dog - it's a story about a family that owned a dog, who was kind of crazy, and I think every dog lover should read it and make it their anti-Bible, or see the movie... Though I warn that the ending was a sob-fest in my theatre. Even the huge guy next to me pulled his cap down low and started sniffling. (He also read my book during the trailers. I know this because I left it face down on my jacket when I went to the washroom, and it was face up when I got back. I hate movie theatres so much.)

And for something more in the Muttpuppies vein, here's an article WB dug up for us. You may have to trawl, but you'll find it. Oh, you silly governor. Buy a Christmas puppy? Check! Buy a muttpuppy, secure in your belief that it will not aggravate your allergies? Check! There are so many other reasons to dislike the guy; this one is just a perk that made me snicker.

So a belated Merry Christmas, happy Boxing Day, let's all get crackin' on those post-Christmas sales and New Year's Resolutions, and I hope everybody is enjoying the holiday season.

(And for all you Jen fans keeping score, I hear Marley & Me beat out Brad's movie opening day by about $3 million.)

And now for something completely different.

2008-12-19T19:57:00.000-05:00

Today I'm going to do something a little backward on MoT. In fact, let's talk about the merits of mixed breeding by design.

Wait wait, don't stone me!

I want to talk about outcrossing. This is something I touched on briefly in this post, but I've started looking into it a bit more since...

We know there's a problem in the dog world (and if you'd rather think there isn't, move on because this blog ain't for you). Purebreeds are becoming increasingly defective and thanks to closed registries we're whittling the gene pools down to puddles. What's to be done? How can we fix this mess we've created? Two solutions should be staring us in the face - the third remains a little hazy. I'm talking, of course, about:

A) Changing the AKC breed standards

B) Switching from closed to open registries

C) ...And outcrossing.

To start with, let's cover the history of the bobtail boxer. International Kennel Clubs recognize more than fifty breeds currently, the boxer included, with docked tails. Tails are docked for reasons of hygiene (hair matting under the rump), or for practical reasons, mainly in gundogs (whose tails can become tangled, torn and injured in the field) and working terriers (who have to maneuver in tight spaces). And, of course, we dock to meet breed standards. There are plenty of people on both sides of the docking fence, but recently breeders have been under more pressure to stop docking and cropping. There are people who'd rather be left alone to dock their dogs, people who recognize that only trained and competent professional should dock puppies, and people who think it should be banned altogether.

In the face of such a ban, one boxer breeder decided not to sit at home and complain, but to do something about it. There are a handful of breeds with a natural bobtail gene: these include Boston terriers, Pembroke Welsh corgies, Polish Lowlands, English bulldogs and Australian Shepherds. Dr Bruce Cattanach, breeder and geneticist by profession, took one of his boxer bitches and crossed her with a Pembroke corgi. This was the result:

Dr Cattanach then began backbreeding with typey purebred boxers. By the fifth generation, he had produced this:

This article can tell you about the whole process and give a play-by-play of each generation. Ultimately, Dr Cattanach introduced the natural bobtail gene and managed to breed back to "show quality" boxers. Ta-da! Somebody smart and qualified saw something going on with his breed, and had the perseverence to change the situation. More bobtails. Not only are these boxers being spread across Europe and Australia, they're recognized by the UKC.

There are other backcross projects going on. Breeders have been trying for several decades to eliminate uric acid defect in Dalmatians, a breed riddled with genetic defects. Dalmatians have suffered from uric-acid stones for over a century now; no other breeds are affected. High levels of uric acid can result in bladder stones - this is an emergency. These stones often need to be removed surgically, and high uric acid hits up just about every Dalmatian.

In the 70s, Dr Robert Schaible, a geneticist and breeder (not unlike Dr Cattamach), bred a Dalmatian bitch to a champion pointer dog in order to introduce normal levels of uric acid back into Dalmatians. The resulting pups, though they didn't look a whole lot like Dalmatians, all excreted normal uric acid levels. Dr Schaible started backcrossing, selecting one pup from each resulting litter for Dalmatian traits and low UA levels. Only the one pointer has been used, but the AKC refuses to register the backcrossed dogs in spite of the project receiving support from the Dalmation Club of Northern California (home to the Backcross Project). This project quietly persists, producing more and more Dalmatians with normal UA levels; the AKC continues to ignore it. In September 2008 the very question of discussing registry for these dogs was shot down by the parent club.

Seventh-generation backcross.

I can't help but wonder why it is the backcross developed for largely aesthetic purposes is embraced so much more widely than the backcross designed to cut back on health issues...

Should more backcrossing projects be encouraged and nurtured? Is this really an alternative, in the hands of gene-savvy, qualified breeders? Are these problems ones that could be eradicated by changing the breeding policies of purebred dogs?

Until somebody changes my opinion, I'd like to see more careful, controlled, supervised-by-scientists out- and back-crossing projects for our "emergency" breeds. The pug may be too far gone to save itself; maybe beagle genes really are the answer. Maybe the Shar-Pei needs a serious face-lift in the form of a non-wrinkled mate. Maybe this is the only hope of the Neapolitan mastiff. Who knows?

It can't hurt our breeds more than we already have.

Holiday safety tips

2008-12-18T10:38:00.000-05:00

There are more pressing things I could blog about at this time of year - like I could tell you how you can buy a goat for a third-world family in somebody else's name as a thoughtful gift, or give something a little different and browse through the HSUS's catalogue, or I could raise awareness for the issue of a single strand of off-white LED lights looking way more depressing than no lights at all, people. But this is a dog blog after all, and I saw some of these on the news the other night and actually heard some things I hadn't known before, so! Here is a list of tips designed to help get your pooch comfortably through the holidays.

Digestive troubles are the biggest complaint of dogs during the holidays, and DVM Tammy Smith says that most of this stems from eating rich holiday foods. I'm sure you guys know not to feed your pets too many tidbits - but on the other hand, guests are more likely than owners to sneak food to the dog. Make sure you warn yours not to feed your pet, and if the puppydog eyes become overwhelming, treat the pup to something nice and healthy (or at least, not unhealthy). Remember that chocolate and bones are two of the biggest food hazards. Other risky foods include alcohol and, I've heard, onions and grapes/raisins.

Another big danger is that your dog can be lost in all the bustle of the holidays. Try not to lose him in the confusion. Out of sight, out of mind. Your dog can have laid into the garbage and swallowed a bone before you even realize he's been absent for some time. Remain aware of his whereabouts and of potential problems.

Keeping your dog on his normal routine is the best way to avoid stress. You also want to make sure he's got a quiet place to retreat to where nobody will bother him, in case the atmosphere starts to stress him out. Frightened dogs can bite, sometimes not intentionally. Feed him his normal dinner at the normal time, and take him for his usual walks. Exercise will wind him down.

Christmas trees carry a lot of hazards! I'm lucky that I can just shut my dog out of the room where the tree is, but I'm sure he'd cause trouble if left to his own devices in there. Round ornaments can look just like a ball to a dog, and they might try to grab them off the tree. Glass ornaments can be knocked off the tree by an overactive tail, and if they shatter a dog can cut its paws on the shards. Food ornaments can be mildly toxic, and the type you find on strings - like popcorn, or berries - can cause a lot of problems if ingested. Same with tinsel: tinsel can be a nightmare, causing obstruction and intestinal strangulation. And artificial snow can also be toxic, and cause respiratory irritation. Electric cords should be taped down, out of reach, or covered, and unplugged when not in use. Tree sap can cause stomach irritation, so try not to let your dog drink out of the tree holder - you may want to put down a water dish nearby to discourage him. And needles can't be digested, so they pose another threat; they can puncture your dog's intestines. TIP: Try to "dog-proof" the room as best you can, and it's a good idea to hang ornaments out of the dog's reach, on ribbons rather than hooks, just in case. If your dog can't quite be trusted, you might want to put up a baby gate, or some small decorative fencing around the tree.

Toxic plants include: Christmas cactus, poinsettias, amaryllis, hemlock, holly, ivy, and mistletoe. Silk or fake plants would be a worthy investment. If not, keep everything out of doggy's reach, and clean up any dead leaves or berries fast. TIP: Bitter Apple spray is great for anything you don't want your dog ingesting, like the plants and ornaments. It's cheap and effective, and available at most pet stores.

(EDIT: It turns out poinsettias are not toxic! This is a widely-held belief, but it seems the worst that can happen is gastrointestinal distress from having ingested something alien. I wouldn't advise you let you dog scarf on poinsettias anyway because the plant will look pretty silly with half its leaves gnawed off.)

Anti-freeze: I'm not sure why you'd leave this lying around, but many dogs (and cats) like its sweet taste. Even a small spill, if lapped up, can be lethal. This must be treated immediately.

Salt and other chemicals designed to melt ice on sidewalks and roads can cause burning to your dog's pads. Try to avoid these, and wash his paws when you get home. Dog boots aren't just to make your pup look snappy, either; they'll protect his little feet. You can also get products like "Muttluks Pawstik", a moisturing balm you apply before leaving for a walk, to help protect against snow and salt.

It goes without saying that you should supervise a dog around any new toys for the kids! It's amazing what dogs will swallow...

Just one week to go, can you believe it? I hope all your shopping's done by now (mine isn't, oh dear). And I hope you and your families and pets have a lovely holiday - and that your dogs get everything they ask for. :)

Lhasapoo on trial

2008-12-17T11:04:00.000-05:00

Exhibit A. The Lhasapoo.

I won't lie. I don't actually like Lhasa Apsos all that much. They look very much like Shih-tzus to me, and it makes me suspicious. That's prejudice for you. I comfort myself with the thought that they probably don't like me either. (I know Shih-tzus don't.)

Like the Shih-poo, the Lhasapoo is a classic example of a Muppetpoo. Note the woolly, 70s shag rug texture and tan fur colour. (Also the tear staining. This crops up now and then in Muppetpoos.) And, like many other poos, there is no good reason for it to exist.

THE PROS: These dogs are capable of getting along quite well in an apartment. Not to say they won't need their daily walk; but they'll typically burn off steam by motoring around the home on those little legs of theirs, and apartments can satisfy this habit just fine.

They're capable of being decent family dogs. Of course this hinges on the socialization they receive, and the temperament of the dog in question, as it's not a consistent thing.

And lastly, unlike their Lhasa parents, their coat is relatively low-maintenence, though you're advised to take it to a professional groomer every now and then.

THE CONS: The big one? You have no reason to be crossing Lhasas. They are already low-shedding, and as far as breeds go, they're pretty healthy. Plus, they have a long lifespan (14-15+ years!) without being crossed.

Lhasas also come with some of the strongest wills in the dog world. They look like lapdogs, but they're more like cats - cranky, snobby cats. They're cunning, manipulative, obstinate and fearless, which can be a nightmare to train if you're not prepared for it. Corrections may not be welcomed, so you've got to be careful, because putting a hand on the dog can get you snapped at: they'll correct you right back! For this reason they're not considered very good around kids. They won't be teased or roughhoused with.

All this is why Lhasa devotees don't seem so enthused about the idea of mixing Lhasapoos. Like with many mixes, it's a bit of a roulette game. You can get a watered-down Lhasa, or a dog as headstrong and aggressive as its parent.

HEALTH CONCERNS? Underbite. Eurgh. This is due to the Lhasa's short muzzle. People keep saying that breeding a poodle to a brachycephalic dog will give you a longer muzzle and a proper bite, and I'll keep not listening.

Both Lhasas and miniature poodles share keratoconjunctivitis sicca (KCS) or "dry eye" in common. This is a painful disorder of the eye that can cause blindness over time. To be fair, nobody's quite sure how it's inherited, but both parent breeds are predisposed to it, and affected dogs should not be bred.

Also occurring in both parents: Patella luxation, which we see when you breed small. Retinal atrophy, for which there's no cure. And a skin disorder that acts like allergies, and can be treated but not cured.

So: Will this breed take off? Common sense says no. Lhasas are doing great on their own, provided we keep those muzzles long enough, and I just can't see a huge market for Lhasapoos ever happening. Come on, Lhasa breeders, you can do it! Beat those poodles off, and be proud that you've kept your breed out of crisis. They're cute, smart, and healthy enough to stand alone.

What happened here??

2008-12-15T14:22:00.000-05:00

I don't get it.

Today I stumbled across A & R Country Kennels and had a look around. They breed designer dogs only. Okay. Not enough to land you on MoT. They aim to sell healthy dogs; no mention of hybrid vigour. Alright. Two-year health warranty for each puppy and not a NuVet link in sight, not bad... Their puppies leave home after 8 weeks, vet-checked and ready to go; even better... Their facilities seem great; looking good...

And then I got punched in the face with the realization that they've got about eight litters on the go simultaneously.

WHAT.

ARE YOU FREAKING INSANE?

Is this a Christmas thing? This is a Christmas thing, right? Well then why on earth are most of their litters so far off the mark from D-Day? And WHY ARE THERE EIGHT LITTERS?

And then more holes are poked in the kennels all around me. Why is there no page where I can look at the sires and bitches? Why isn't your health warranty actually on the site? Why have you only raised "85%" of your "purebed stock"? Why do you call Goldendoodles "Golden-poos"? Are these F1 crosses or what? Why do you have a litter of Goldendoodles ready for adoption when you also claim that you only breed your Golden retriever bitches once a year each for summer litters? Why are you breeding "Eskie-poos" when American Eskimo dogs are already quite healthy, thank you very much, and require dog-savviness? Why do you keep saying your poos are "non-shedding" when this very likely isn't true for every single puppy, especially the Goldens? Why is your spay/neuter recommendation crammed at the bottom of the page like fine print? Why are three of your eight litters Shih-poos? WHY DO YOU HAVE EIGHT LITTERS??

Sigh. They sound like nice people, too. But I have to say it.

STOP BREEDING.

GIVE YOUR DOGS' UTERUSES A REST FOR PETE'S SAKE.

START SPAYING AND DON'T STOP UNTIL YOU ARE PRODUCING TWO LITTERS A YEAR TOPS.

Good grief. It seems appearances can indeed be deceiving.

TGIF

2008-12-12T15:58:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I read about a dog whose owner was in a car accident. He dragged the man out through the windshield and kept him awake by licking his face until paramedics arrived.

Today my dog peed in my bed.

I forget why I wanted a dog.

---

We can thank Sil for this one. It's been too long since I visited Married to the Sea!

---
You'll appreciate this one if you've ever owned a feline. In the spirit of the season: How To Wrap Presents If You've Got a Cat.

TGIF, I'm off to strip my bedsheets.

The logic behind the poo

2008-12-09T19:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm still contemplating poodle hybrids. (No, not bodily functions.)

In the comments of this post, it was ascertained that the logic behind breeding poodles to anything that moves goes like this:

- People want a "hypoallergenic" dog

- People want a curly-haired dog

- People want a dog with a cute breed name involving any combination with the words "oodle" and "poo".

To which I say pish and tosh.

There are also those who breed because they don't want the problems that come with purebreeds, therefore they breed for a) hybrid vigour, and b) to avoid inbreeding. But these topics come up a lot on MoT already and no doubt will again, so today let's just have a look at the superficials.

1) Hypoallergenic dogs do not exist. They won't help you with your asthma, nor your allergy to dander or dog saliva or whatever else may float off a dog's body that isn't fur. Or maybe it is the fur. In which case, that's okay. Designer breeding for low shedding dogs is the most admirable objective I can think of. (Breeding for hybrid vigour is not admirable. Breeding for health is admirable. Yes, there is a difference.)

Just bear in mind that low shedders need lots of brushing and grooming. Also that dogs like Labradoodles and Goldendoodles can end up shedding as much as their notoriously sheddy retriever parents, especially as most are F1 crosses.

Plus, you know, there are purebreeds out there for you too. Not just toys, either! I'll promote retired greyhounds again; lovely, calm dogs who shed very little. Also in the medium to large category are Airedale terriers, Kerry Blue terriers, Wheaten terriers, Irish Water Spaniels, and Portuguese Water dogs (the ones with the shaved butts. Terrific!). In the toy group you've got a bunch of small woolly dogs like Shih-tzus and Malteses - eg dogs you don't even need to breed to the poodle in the first place.

2) As for curly dogs, there is a secret behind poodle hybrids that I'll divulge to you now. Lean in close. Are you ready for this? It's big.

They all look the same.

I'm not even kidding. There are only three categories of poodle hybrids and they go like this:

Type A: The Woolly Muppetpoo. This variety of poo is small, fluffy, and all the rage. They seem to come in white or tan more than any other colour, regardless of parent breed. There is an inexplicable amount of Woolly Muppetpoos in my neighbourhood. Representing the Woollies today are the cockapoo, the schnoodle, the Shih-poo, the Maltipoo, the Pekeapoo, the Lhasapoo, and the Yorkiepoo. Goldendoodles also count as Muppetpoos.

Tell me what kind of poo this is. Go on, guess.

Type B: The Irish wolfpoo. So named because they all come out looking like weird Irish wolfhound hybrids. Weimardoodle. Shepadoodle. Dober/poo. Beardiepoo. Labradoodles, usually. Eerie, isn't it? Sometimes it begs the question, where the hell did they get those genes?

And dear old Type C: Miscellaneous, AKA "What the Hell Is That Thing?!" This one can crop up in the most unsuspecting of mixes. This is a Chihuahua/poo that looks like a vaguely sinister seal. And a pug/poodle with some of the most ridiculous ears I've ever seen. Here's a Maltipoo that falls way short of the Muppetpoo look. And I don't even know what happened here (a Lhasapoo, if you couldn't guess).

That's the big secret behind poodle hybrids. The most unique ones end up with What the Hell Syndrome while the rest are shaggy cookie cut-outs.

3) Adorable/silly names. The solution to this one is staring you in the face. I'll tell you another secret. I shouldn't be giving these away for free, but I guess I'm just big-hearted like that. Okay, here it comes:

Lie.

Seriously. Do what I do and make up your dog's breed. Why the hell not, if he's just a companion pet? Unfortunately, Tip is much too distinctive to be mistaken for anything other than a Border collie, but this is part of the reason I can't wait till I have my own Leonberger. That dog is gonna have a new name and profession every week. One day I'll tell people he's a Serengeti tiger-mastiff (African tribesmen bred these dogs in the absence of real tigers to do battle with lions in gladiator-style showdowns). The next day he'll be an Egyptian River dog (fisherman of Ancient Egypt relied on dogs to frighten away the hippos that upended their boats and ate people or whatever hippos do). Next week he'll be a Taiwanese Pirate dog (while the pirates board other vessels, the dogs stay back on the pirate ship to guard their booty). Why not!

Or if your conscience nags at you, just buy a dog that already has a silly name. Get a Sloughi. That's "Sloogy". Hours of fun! Or a Weimaraner: "Why-ma-rah-ner", but most people don't know that. Call it a Way-marooner if you want to.

Or maybe they just like the silliness of the suffix. I mean, really. "Poo" and "doodle"? Make your friends jealous by slapping on something even sillier. Call your dog a "[whatever]oogle". Say that it's a mix between whatever it actually is and the Scottish Broughel (which doesn't actually exist, but there are lots of dogs who could pass for Scottish. They've already got terriers and sheepdogs coming out of there, and once upon a time Scotland had wolves, from which you can derive all sorts of doggy jobs like guarding and hunting). Pretend to know a lot about the Broughel (pronounced like bugle but with an R) and mention how superior it is to poodles because it performs all dog jobs in Scotland on top of companionship. Drug sniffing, police work, shepherding, service to the disabled; the Broughel is the world's up-and-coming canine all-rounder and they're trying to maximize its usefulness by breeding to other dogs and creating a canine race of oogles. Finish your spiel with a smug, "Oogles are the new poo."

And if they ask how do you get one?

Say, "You mate a dog of one breed to a dog of the same breed and then lie for the rest of the offspring's life."

Sigh. Superficialities may be silly, but I would kind of like to start calling Tip a Scottish Bordoogle.

MoT: Going Nordic

2008-12-08T21:10:00.000-05:00

I love the Swedish Kennel Club.

Keep watching the papers because when we announce our engagement it will be big and splashy. I'll change my last name to Kennelklubben. We will have many genetically correct babies and grow old together.

I finally got off my ass and watched Pedigree Dogs Exposed, which I thought, personally, made a lot of good points. And it was fun because before now I've been piecing together my information in, well, not narrated and illustrated form, plus my version definitely lacked British accents. Being a generally lazy person, I enjoy being fed information, and foreign accents are always a bonus. They make me pay attention.

And then - woe - they mentioned the Swedish Kennel Club and a little lightbulb clicked and afterward I had to trawl the Internet until I found what I was looking for, and then dug even deeper.

This is what I've found out about the Swedish Kennel Club's policies:

Inbreeding is frowned upon. In fact, they go so far as to AVOID breeding close relatives. How great is that. Kennel Clubs are usually all talk and no action, but the studies say that, so far, Sweden is actually cutting back on inbred dogs (from a 3.7% inbreeding coefficient in 2002 to 2.7% as of April 2008).
Open registries! Yes! And it gets better! Since introducing open registries, they have halved the occurrence of hip dysplasia in dogs. This is a Scandinavian revolution, people! The information on any one individual dog, plus his siblings, parents and offspring, are all available for anybody to peruse on the SKC website. It includes stats for each breed on health traits, mental status, breeding animals (age at breeding, litter size, etc), number of registered dogs, and average levels of inbreeding. The GDC, America's open registry, was modeled after Sweden's.
They've placed limits on the number of offspring any one dog can sire.
They've started outcrossing programs in order to increase the population of certain breeds and improve health.
Mental health is valued alongside physical health. In order to breed, working dogs must pass a behavioural assessment. Border collies have to be assessed at herding before their offspring can be SKC-registered. I think I might cry.

Now what is so hard about doing the same thing in North America??

Pass the smorgas. I'm moving to Sweden.

Sorry guys...

2008-12-06T14:11:00.001-05:00

I got some really bad news yesterday and have some things to sort out, so I'm not sure when my next post will be. Maybe Monday, maybe later. Bear with me; I'll be back as soon as I can.

The Law of Suppy & Demand

2008-12-04T14:33:00.000-05:00

EDIT: I'm closing comments, because I think we're basically going in circles at this point. Everything that needs to be said has been said. Despite posts of late, this isn't actually a "the AKC is stupid" blog. (Even if I rather think it is.) This is more of a "there is a problem in the dog world, and breeding mutts isn't the solution" blog. If you happen to agree, fantastic; stick around. If you don't think there's a problem at all, I'm afraid you need to move along, read some literature or make your own blog, because my opinion isn't about to change and nobody's forcing you to read this stuff. Have a nice day.

'Tis officially the season, my friends, and we know what that means. Apart from the scents of smoke and gingerbread mysteriously lurking everywhere, annoyingly cheery carols warbling out from every store and a rapidly haemorrhaging wallet, that is. It means pet stores are stacking the shelves with cutesy Christmas canines, much like the one pictured. He can't even stretch out. Adorable.

We are only human and sometimes a sad puppy's gaze can have the effect of a high-power tractor beam off the Starship Enterprise. It sucks you in like a black hole with the force of its sweetly bewildered face. And isn't it so much better to think of a woebegone petshop puppy shacking up with you, rather than in the arms of somebody who thinks it would be a good idea to give the pooch to someone else for Christmas?

This law applies at all times but seems especially applicable now: The Law of Supply and Demand. Anti-puppy mill propaganda often uses the argument that buying a pet store dog just makes room for another puppy to take its place back at whatever mill it came from. That's never made a lot of sense to me; it's not like they have room for 300 dogs absolutely, no more than that. What you ARE doing when you buy a pet store dog is saying, "I want this dog, and I want more like it." And the supply (the pet store and puppy mill) will respond with glee. No matter what your intent was. If you're a bleeding heart who has to rescue the one sickly little pup, you're saying you don't care what condition they sell their dogs in. You want it anyway.

If you do your pet-shopping where puppies are sold, firstly you might want to reconsider your choice of pet store. Secondly you must stay strong! And these are the three biggest scams I see running around at large:

1. He's AKC-registered! Woohoo! Now let me tell you where you can put those papers. As we should all know by now, AKC guarantees nothing. They will tell you this themselves on their website. All it means is one parent was a purebred and so was the other parent. The resulting puppy could be a mixed-breed, deformed, unhealthy, nasty in temperament, or all of the above. You could probably sneak your dead rabbit into the AKC for all they care.

2. He's rare! Look at the pretty colours! Let me remind you that the genes for some 'rare' appearances in certain dog breeds also carry ticking time-bombs of disease. Remember the double dapple gene in Dachshunds (which is A-OK by the AKC!). Double dapple comes with blindness and deafness, among other things, like no eyes. Fantastic.

3. But he's so cute and little. Take him home. People seem to be giving puppies away younger and younger. "As soon as they're weaned" is not, in fact, the right age to give a dog away. They've only just started toddling around and socializing when they're weaning age. He needs this learning stage with his mom and siblings in order to be well-adjusted. This article will tell you about it more concisely than I can - it says 7-12 weeks is the best time to bring puppy home. So why are we seeing five-week-old babies up for adoption?

(Alas, I fell for this trap. Three and a half years ago I was woefully much less educated about pet stores than I am now, and in the market for a new guinea pig to be a companion to my suddenly-single increasingly-Elder Pig. When I met her at the pet store, Baby Angry Pig was four weeks old. That's way too young! my common sense screamed. She should have been six weeks at least. That her socialization was going to be all messed up if she ended up with a clueless child was weighing heavily on my mind, but even heavier was the way she fit perfectly in my palm like a fluffy tennis ball, and snuggled there. When I took her home I left her alone for two days; I did everything by the book - but, of course, she grew up into a bullying sociopath who routinely beats me and my dog, so I believe she was a lost cause from the start. Looks like selling too young can even adversely affect a rodent, so imagine what it could do to a dog. But the pet store has no idea that they sold me a tiny Hitler incarnate. They only know that I snatched up a too-young baby pig almost as soon as she was put up for adoption and thereby "demand" more. Damn it.)

Be strong, put your blinders on when you shop for your pets' stocking stuffers, and if you're in the mood to make life difficult for someone else and you do see a puppy for sale, give the store a heaping helping of hell. Ask them all the questions they are so not predisposed to answer. It's a unique way to blow off holiday stress. And think about where you'd rather put this Law into action - good breeders and petshops without pets, anybody?

Salvation in sight?

2008-12-01T17:41:00.000-05:00

First off, thanks so much to Terrierman for linking MoT in his blog! MoT is still just a baby blog, and any publicity it can get is appreciated. But hang tight, I'm not done singing your praises yet.

Today I want to talk about open registries, which are - apparently - little-known in the dog world. Stand still so I can condemn you (despite not fully understanding the concept myself until recently). If you already knew about open registries, you move to the front of the class. If you're a breeder and you work with open registries, you get a gold star! Two more and I'll let you pick something out from a box of garage-sale trinkets at the end of the week.

The concept of open vs. closed registries can be difficult to grasp if, like me, a lot of the medical genetical jargon goes over your head and genetic pedigrees reeling off numerous abbreviations and symbols lose you somewhere around the third generation. Just to double-check I had my facts straight, I did some extra research a couple days ago and - hallelujah! - at last, found an article I could understand, that cleared up a couple things for me. And then I reached the bottom of the article and guess who it was by! T-man, have I mentioned lately that you're my hero?

Anyway, I wanted to talk about registries because they tie in nicely with what I've been yammering on about lately; the health problems in purebreds. It goes like this:

Closed registries will tell you what health checks an individual dog passed. Think OFA and CERF: these are closed registries. If the dog was screened for health problems and is sound, it'll show up in the registries. So, obviously, you want to breed a dog that shows up sound.

Open registries don't just tell you what the dog passed. They tell you what the dog failed. They also tell you that, although this dog is free from eye problems, one of his parents has glaucoma, and so does his sister. (GDC is an open registry.)

So you see why open registries are becoming more favoured.

Inbreeding is indeed a raging problem in purebreds. And by using closed registries to select the dogs we breed, we are increasingly tightening the noose already wrapped around the doggy gene pool, slowly making that pool smaller and smaller - and more unhealthy. Switching to open registry flings open the door to a whole new pool, a big, diverse one. Open registry doesn't mean cross-breed and it doesn't mean lower your standards either. It means toss out this useless traditional method and breed healthy - I mean really breed healthy.

I searched long and hard for a pro-closed argument that would explain to me why we're still using this system if open is that much better. Terrierman can explain it much better than I can, but essentially: it comes from an old, outdated idea about genetics that we're still seeing now - that the best genes will out. The idea behind the closed registry goes along with the idea of "survival of the fittest". Problem is, of course, dogs aren't wild animals, and we choose their mates. The lesson here, basically, is that just because something's been done one way for a long time doesn't mean it's all good (hello, America! Letting gays marry won't cause Russia to invade).

So why hasn't it changed?

That's thanks to the AKC - that tall guy in the cape, twirling his moustache, over there. The AKC's closed registry policies are strangling our gene pools to puddles. They make the rules and we follow them so our dogs can go on proving their quality by trotting around the show ring and stacking nicely. Our dogs are WAY TOO UNHEALTHY and the AKC isn't facing up to that. We need an open registry system now.

On a similar note, could cross-breeding be the solution? NO. I'm tired of people pretending that they mix dogs up for the good of dogkind. Yes, F1 hybrids can be healthier than their parents, but they can also inherit the genes for defects from both sides. Mutts can be a disaster in the hands of people who don't know what they're doing.

Crossing and back-crossing, on the other hand... I'm inclined to say this could help the situation, when I think of especially unhealthy dogs that need change NOW. My thoughts always go to the pug and the Shar-pei first, but that may be just because I hate their Ori-pei offspring almost as much as I hate those stupid square blocks in Tetris that only show up exactly when you don't need them. Are we really on to something with mixes like the puggle? Could breeding in proper airways and breeding back to pugs be the breed's salvation? Or can they hang on till the Kennel Club gets its collective ass in gear and starts thinking about the dogs?

(Find out next week, on ...!)

I guess this forum is now open for discussion - I'd love to hear some opinions on this one, especially if you're more involved in registries than I am.

Now it all makes sense

2008-11-29T20:11:00.000-05:00

This Saturday I'm at my mother's house for an ol'-fashioned family Thanksgiving dinner, since my sister is visiting from NYC, and I think if I hear one more tune from Kenny & Dolly's "Once Upon a Christmas" I may start throwing the stuffing.

So it's just a quick entry today, but it sure made me smile:

Cheers, thus-sung!

Poodle genes: NOT magical

2008-11-28T11:34:00.000-05:00

I try to write this blog with an open mind; honest I do. I know mix-breeding isn't the problem, the people doing the breeding are. I know there are muttpuppies out there whom I'd be sad to see go if they were suddenly wiped off the earth a la the dinosaurs*, like Goldendoodles and Labradoodles and cockapoos. I don't blame you if you want a schnoodle; I think they're cute, too. (But then, I'm a weirdo who loves a dog in a beard.) What I CANNOT figure out, though, is why some people breed poodles to certain other breeds of dog. Is it because people want the other breed of dog, but are allergic? Is it because they can't handle Breed B's temperament and would prefer a watered-down version?

The Weimardoodle, for example. You heard me. The Weimardoodle. People are breeding Weimaraners to poodles. For real. Why??

Some mixes stump me because they seem so utterly superfluous, like Maltipoos (small, "hypoallergenic" lap dogs) or Newfie/Labs (they both like water and kids and are big enough to wrestle with, which is important if you're a little kid - or maybe a big dog - at heart, like me). On the other end of the scale are these mixes so unnaturally suited it fairly boggles the mind. I just can't put an independent, aloof, territorial "dog-savvy owner only" dog together with a poodle, in my head. It doesn't make sense to me. Even when I think, okay, maybe a watered-down version of a Weim wouldn't be so bad, why can I still picture half these dogs ending up in shelters?

Like most of the working breeds that wouldn't automatically make you think "family dog", Weimaraners have their devotees and fanbase, and that's where the majority of them go. The devotees and fanbase know how to handle a Weimaraner. Unfortunately, most would have no interest in a Weimardoodle. And Weimaraner genes can make for a difficult dog, trust me. Looking on Petfinder in my province, there are an awful lot of Weims out there, the majority of them young, and I can see eight on the first page alone are mixes. (Mostly Weim/Labs, to be fair.) So I'm a little baffled.

Then there's Shepapoodles; German shepherd/poodles. When we know (don't stone me for this) in the wrong hands German shepherds can develop an aggressive streak. And BOTH breeds are among the world's top three most intelligent dogs (both second to my dog who walks into doors. Go team!). Remember my rule of thumb: The smarter a dog is, the more of a moron it thinks you are. "Smart" does not always mean "trainable". I sense the Shepapoodle would sit firmly in the "smart" camp, and not come out right away if you called it.

Same thing with the Min Pin/poodle mix - and the Pekingese mix we looked at last week. God, I hope none of these mixes ever take off. Let's face it, dogs should only ever be crossed for two reasons:
1) To have a function (go low-shedding service dogs!)
2) To be, as Linny said, happy, healthy family pets.

The Weimardoodle is not the average dog, and the odds are good that it won't make such a happy family pet. The Shepapoodle, "Pinschoodle" and Pekeapoo are looking pretty iffy too. If you want an independent-minded dog and can handle one, you're looking at a GSD or Weimaraner. If you want a family pet who will romp with the kids, you're looking for something tried and true (and predictable).

Decidedly NOT a GSD or Weimaraner (or poodle mix thereof).

Poodle genes are not a magic cure for a strong temperament, people. WHEN WILL THESE BREEDERS LEARN? (Worse still: what will they think of next??)

*I'm willing to bet the dinosaurs' problem was that they decided to form nation-states and establish boundaries and trade their natural resources, and considering dogs' thought processes mostly revolve around how to steal that tempting little snack off the kitchen table**, these muttpuppies are reasonably safe for now.

**If you're an aging (but sprightly, when it suits you), crafty beagle who's getting tired of raiding the garbage, you've figured out how to leap onto a pushed-out chair and then onto the table in order to snarf an entire loaf of bread which was going to be lunch the next day, and it wasn't even your owner's bread because she's on vacation; no, it was your dogsitter's, and now you're lying in the corner groaning because you have a bellyache and may require a visit to the vet, I hate you, Duchess.

The Obligatory Thanksgiving Post

2008-11-27T20:37:00.000-05:00

So yesterday the Angry Pig was sick.

Just wheezing a little when she breathed, I'd noticed it the day before. But in my mind, a single sneeze from her perfect pink nose means oh my God she has a horrible infection and needs IMMEDIATE CARE. Last night I cuddled her desperately while she snoozed nonchalantly in a comma on my stomach, totally oblivious to (or more likely uncaring of) my angst. All these horrible thoughts flooded my head like congestion, respiratory infection, pneumonia, bordatella, oh-God-it's-way-too-cold-to-take-her-to-a-vet, my-baby-is-going-to-die. Please don't die, AP. I went to bed at midnight, so wrapped up in worry that I was deaf to the sound of her wolfing down her veggies with gusto.

Of course today she is just fine. She's being her usual punk self; scraping her teeth in my ear, "accidentally" chomping on my hand when she turns to get an itch on her back, crapping in my bed, shredding the sleeve of my sweater to get my attention, blowing all our rent money on booze (and, don't tell her I told you so, purring when I cuddle her under my chin). No wheeze. No runny nose or eyes. I never need a reason to feel grateful that this little psycho is in my life, but I guess it just hit home again today.

I'm in Canada, where it is not Thanksgiving, but today I'm feeling especially thankful for my pets. AP, my cranky guinea pig who is my baby, and Tip my dog who licks walls. The Senile Gerbil, who only wakes up to yell at me to get off his lawn. And, though he isn't mine, Colby the Percheron/Arab I ride every week, who throws all my theories about hybrids in my face by being the most amazing and beautiful horse I've ever known. Okay, that was my kinda sappy moment. Forgive me; I had an emotional night. (You won't catch me shed a tear watching Eight Below, but a snuffly guinea pig has me quivering like a teacup Chihuahua. Go figure.)

Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy the long weekend (ya jerks), if you're in America. If not, well, smell the roses anyway and take a moment to be grateful. :) And I'm grateful for YOU, my readers. Muah. So have a Thanksgiving pic I dug up.

(A cat? Who let that freak in?? Aw, I kid - I love you, too, you sociopathic furballs.)

Sappy moment over! Time to pull my mean face back on and dig up the dirt on some muttpuppies. ;)

A break in the monotony...

2008-11-26T20:29:00.000-05:00

I couldn't not share this: Announcing the Miracle of Birth Videotape! Be warned if you're of a sensitive nature - don't worry, it's not an actual tape; just a good breeder with a less-than-sunshiney (but hilarious) sense of humour. :) I recommend you print it out and staple-gun it to your idiot neighbourhood wannabreeder's front door. I know we've all got one.

The importance of responsible breeding

2008-11-25T11:10:00.000-05:00

I hope all your weekends were great. My pets left mine on an ambivalent note. On the one hand, I've started training my dog up a bit more, and he goes into transports of joy whenever he sees the clicker because it means treats! for doing! practically nothing! On the other hand, my Angry Pig was treated to a bath, and her utter outrage was made worse by the fact that I turned her into a piggy burrito with an old handtowel afterward. Partly for my own protection. So my dog is pretty sure that I'm the coolest person in the world, but my guinea pig keeps leaving threatening letters in my pillowcase.

(Senile Gerbil snoozed through the weekend, waking now and then only to mutter cantankerously about young people and their crazy hairdos these days. Old people are adorable. Even when they're not actually people.)

I got a comment on this post and planned on replying before realizing it had spawned an entire entry's worth of thoughts. So here it is (and I'm not trying to single you out, Linny! Sorry!).

Linny said...
""Designer dog" sales are now outstripping those of purebreds. I think this is largely because all the scientific research show mutts live longer and healthier lives than purebreds.

Most people just want a happy, healthy family pet. Say "Boxer" a vet thinks heart disease; say "Golden Retriever" and they think hip dysplasia. The incidence and severity of inherited diseases increases every year, and yet breeders continue as they've always done, with outdated practices that continuously limit genetic diversity, using breed standards that often encourage disability and deformity.

If there's anybody out there that still really believes all is well in the purebred world, they should watch the BBC documentary "Pedigree Dogs Exposed" at http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=44215931"

Too right, Linny! Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying purebred dogs are perfect. Far from it! So I hope nobody here gets that impression. How often do we see cases like the Pekingese, the pug, the Dachshund, the Shar-Pei, where breeders continue to breed in myriads of health problems for the sake of decades-old breed standards? You will hear time and time again that pugs snore, but nobody stands up to actively eradicate the inferred problems, because of course, a pug that doesn't snore evidently just isn't a pug. Nobody wants to give those flat faces more definition, because a pug with a longer muzzle won't be winning Best in Show.

Breeding pedrigree dogs just ain't as easy as it looks. I'm one of those people who stands by the belief that you should only breed to improve the breed, but that's easier said than done. You need to find dogs who not only reflect the ideal temperament of the breed, but are also healthy in general. Meanwhile, the lifespan of the average Golden retriever gets shorter and shorter, because in the scramble to produce these well-balanced popular dogs, breeders lose sight of the rest of the family history.

And of course some breeders lose sight of the right objective altogether. I can yammer on about predictability in purebreeds all I like, but it won't always hold true. Just look at my dog. Pedigree Border collie, the smartest breed of dog in the world, and my dog ... shall we say, colours outside the lines. He's not quite the "intense" personality I'd have liked; in fact, he's downright soft - a goofy, good-natured, embarrassingly neurotic Lab in a Border collie body. I'd shudder to think of unleashing his genes on the unsuspecting Border collie community, and yet there are people who would breed him without a second thought, because dog people like and want Border collies. (Plus, whatever else I say about Tip, he's hot stuff.) There will always be breeders who grab the first purebreed to cross their paths and breed it no matter what qualities it has, because some breeds are just too popular for their own good. Then there are the lazy breeders, who simply accept that their dogs will have health problems because that's just the way they are. Breathing problems in pugs is inevitable, cherry eye in Saint Bernards is inevitable, and hip dysplasia builds character. Whatever they tell you, these are just weak excuses. It might be a trial; it might be time consuming and require effort; it might take a long time, but you CAN help make your breed healthier.

Oh, and don't forget the teacup breeders. It's purebreeds they're after, and they won't rest until they can fit a family of Chihuahuas in a thermos and carry them to work.

So the world of purebreeds is not without its share of problems.

What alarms me is that the sale of designer dogs is starting to outstrip purebreeds. It's a band-aid on the real issue. And it's a magnet for bad breeders. Why? Because they are popular, and because the belief that these dogs are healthier exists. Not all the studies are saying hybrid dogs are healthier, you see. You can lead a mutt breeder to literature, but you can't make it think. Trend breeders are dangerous whether they're selling a designer dog or a purebreed: all they want is to cash in on the dog's popularity. But designer dog breeders may be even more dangerous, because while those who breed numerous Labs are aware that their dogs will have problems and don't typically care, the muttpuppy breeder is just plain ignorant. The idea that the best genes will out is wrong, wrong, WRONG. I won't ever tell you that muttpuppies are for a fact UNhealthy, but I haven't seen any evidence to prove either way that they are any more or less healthy than a purebred. And let's not get started on temperament! Even breeders themselves will admit that Maltipoos can be a little neurotic, and puggles a little high-maintenence...

Basically, designer breeding is not the solution to all of dogkind's problems, and it frightens me that some breeders truly think it IS. The Ori-pei is a perfect example. The initial breeder wanted a Shar-pei that didn't have the health problems of a Shar-pei. He bred to a pug, and today we have a hybrid at large with more problems than it should have ever had in the first place. But they still sell, because people believe in hybrid vigour, and that's all a breeder has to say to sell a mutt.

Cross-breeding WILL NOT get rid of problems in a dog. A Peke or pug muzzle can still show up in a hybrid, just like a Dachshund or corgi back can, just like hip dysplasia and cherry eye and skin conditions can. The only way to help get rid of health problems in dogs is to change the breed standard. That's on you, pedigree breeders.

And this is how I do my part: not by ranting about teacup toys and designer dogs and bad breeders (even if I do all those things). What I want to impress here is that the purpose of this blog is to advocate responsible breeding - whatever type of dog we're talking about. It's fine if you want to get a Shih-poo; just take care to find a dedicated hobby breeder who knows that health checks are, in fact, important in designer breeding.

The trouble is that these types of breeders are few and far in between. You'll always find somebody dedicated to the welfare of their own particular breed, perhaps involved with the parent organization, breeding to represent their breed in the best way possible. But that isn't often the objective among hybrid breeders. They see the demand and they supply to it. These are the lazy, who, suddenly, have found a market for dogs they don't need to health screen. In fact, their new customers don't even want a health certificate! All some people need to hear is "family dog" and "hybrid vigour", and they're out the door with their new baby. This unshakeable belief that the best genes always shine through in a hybrid fosters irresponsibility like you wouldn't believe. Can't you imagine?

Breed devotees know what to breed for, but others have nothing to breed for but money, and they're cashing in on the fact that designer dogs have pulled the wool over the world's eyes. Hybrids are not better than purebreds; no worse, either, but until we start concentrating on breeding better purebreeds, we'll surely see the deterioration in both camps. It's already happening.

Extra, extra!

2008-11-23T12:45:00.000-05:00

HSUS points the finger! After an eight-month investigation, the Humane Society brands Petland the nation's leading retail supporter of puppy mills. Nobody is especially surprised. Home reporter MoT urges readers to boycott Petland, or at the very least, don't buy their puppies no matter how cute they are. The puppies, not the Petlands. Petland retaliates with "We do not support substandard breeding facilities and we provide each Petland store with 'Humane Care Guidelines,' that were developed in conjunction with the U.S.D.A. to assist with breeder facility inspections as it pertains to pet selection" to general public, then says "I know you are, but what am I!" to the HSUS, and refuses to invite them to its birthday party. It makes no promise to stop selling puppies or at least spay every dog before it leaves their possession, so MoT is not all that impressed.

Ohio reporter slanders "teacup" breeders. MoT expresses desire to buy him a drink.

Florida finally steps up after suspicious buyer does not receive a health certificate with puppy! MoT gives a cheer! Also finds on breeder's website a) spelling/grammar errors ("love of my life has went to Rainbow Ridge"), b) Christian references, and c) term "fur babies" running rampant, but is not surprised. MoT also expresses hope that they "throw the book at 'er".

Australian man attempts to pay bill with drawing of a spider. MoT laughs and laughs.

Happy Sunday, all.

Drawing the line

2008-11-19T18:00:00.000-05:00

Puppy mills are usually characterized by their cramped quarters and squallid conditions. Typically dogs are mated every time their heat cycle rolls around, and their existence revolves solely around churning out puppies. They're mistreated and unhealthy.

That's what comes to mind when I hear "puppy mill" - how about you?

If you could write the definition of puppy mill, what would it be?

By calling a place a puppy mill, you're saying it should be shut down, that the laws apply to that place: so consider that when you answer. Also consider the state the dogs must be in for a commercial kennel to qualify.

Is a puppy mill a large facility where the dogs are locked in their cages all day long, fed little, and experience little human contact?
Is it a place where any number of dogs, even a few, are bred indiscriminately for profit alone?
Does it cover a backyard breeder who cares for her dogs and socializes them, but always has a litter available?

This is something I've been thinking about lately, so I'd like to hear your thoughts. :)

This one may or may not be a Pokemon.

2008-11-17T14:15:00.000-05:00

Boy, this month is flying by. Can you believe we're halfway through November and I haven't tried a single designer dog? Time to remedy this situation.

Ah, the Pekeapoo; lovechild of a Pekingese and a poodle. Honestly, to my indifferent eye, they look just like every other poodle hybrid running around. If you lined up a cockapoo, a Shih-poo, a schnoodle, and a Pekeapoo and told me to tell them apart, I'd probably fumble and stammer a lot. (Take a look, smartie-pants. How sure are you that I haven't mixed those links up?) Nevertheless, they're taking off as another trend breed.

My first experience with a Pekingese came from my grandparents' dog when I was growing up, Meg. My twin sister and I used to call her "googly-eyed Meg" and chase her around the dining room. (She wasn't that nice to us either, so it evens it.) She snorted and snuffled and snored when she slept. So I'm already heading into this mix with low expectations.

THE PROS: They're low-shedding, much like other poodle hybrids out there. And, erm... I guess that's it. I mean, they seem to have inherited the Peke's lion-heart and sense of dignity, but depending on your preference in temperament, that can be a good or bad thing.

THE CONS: [cracks knuckles] Let's see... Well, like I just said, they tend to come with the classic Peke attitude. This means they take themselves very seriously, and training them can be a trial, say the honest breeders. By the sounds of it, commands are likely to be met with a typical Dog Look ("Are you kidding me?") unless they can see the benefit of it for themselves. They're not so hot at recall either. To be fair, though, they're certainly not the only dogs who often view training as a bit of a joke, and it's not like it's impossible. Just aggravating, especially if you buy into the "poodle genes = perfect family dog" idea. Yes, people, even hybrids can be a handful!

Pekes are also, by and large, one-person dogs, and since owners are mostly describing their Pekeapoos as having gotten their temperament from the Pekingese parent, I'm going to take a gamble and say that the Pekeapoo will probably stick close to one owner, too. This is a complaint of some (read the first testimonial). Pekes aren't stars with other pets or children, either (darn that googly-eyed Meg). BUT, some Pekeapoo owners are claiming theirs get along fine with pets and kids, so the right socialization may balance things out.

Also, they require frequent grooming, just like Mom and Dad.

HEALTH ISSUES: The usual risks in breeding small dogs - slipped knees, hip dysplasia. Some eye issues, like entropion. Pekes also come with breathing problems due to those squashed muzzles. Some breeders will insist that the poodle genes eradicate this problem, but, well - you be the judge. Same thing going on with the sometimes-seen underbite in Pekingeses - breeders can tell me that poodle genes are essentially magical until they're blue in the face, but the results speak for themselves.

One last note: I'd give all these same warnings to anyone interested in buying a Pekingese, since mostly it's the Peke parent all these issues stem from. The trouble is that people who want a Peke typically know why they want one and what they're getting into - whereas designer dogs have the bad habit of slipping into the wrong hands.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a backyard-bred muttpuppy who had seizures. Maybe.

2008-11-14T10:34:00.001-05:00

Can I just say I find it a little bit creepy when breeders call their puppies "fur babies"? Just a small pet peeve of mine.

These friendly backyard breeders sell "fuzzy wuzzies", a mix between Bichon frises and Shih-tzus. (Though they do tell us, "The name don't make the dog the breeder does....") They make sure to point out on the front page that they breed for quality and not quantity, and then list the six litters born in October. Sigh.

(The site actually is used by six different breeders - but all of them have litters at the same time? Yeesh. Smells fishy to me.)

Every red flag is laid out in plain view.

1. Cutesy irrelevent graphics and Christian references all over the place. (No offense to my fellow Christians, I'm just wondering why it is the crazies always seem to drape their religion all over their sites.)

2. They ship your puppy, and not just to the continental US. One pup on this site went all the way to Italy. Whew. And I thought exposing a young dog to Christmas Day bustle could cause problems.

3. "Why cross breed?" For hybrid vigour, of course!

I think every designer dog site has one of these pages. Why do we cross breed? they ask themselves, and then go into a long-winded explanation about how mixed breeds are healthier than purebreeds - or else a very sparse explanation that comes down to the same point in fewer words, like on this site.

Here's another flag - health warranty full of loopholes. They don't cover hypoglycemia, which is common in small dogs; no money (or "monies") is refunded if your dog dies, and the warranty is void if you don't have your pup checked by a vet within 48 hours of receiving it or don't keep your puppy on their brand of vitamins. I find it bizarre that they don't cover disorders "caused by the environment or stress", such as hypoglycemia or thyroid disorder (which you CAN screen for before breeding), yet they cover "Démodé tic mange" (which is demodectic mange, if that took you a moment, and isn't common in either parent breed anyway). Fantastic!

And I personally consider it a pretty big indicator of unprofessionalism when your site is riddled with spelling and grammar mistakes. "All theses things are this puppy," what? "Whishing you and your family happy holiday moments"? It's so hard to take someone seriously when their online "voice" is that of an ESL thirteen-year-old. There are six of you, surely at least ONE of you knows how to type.

It give me headaches.

Groan. I'm done here.

Why I love Over the Hedge

2008-11-10T11:07:00.000-05:00

1. Rockin' soundtrack. This movie introduced me to Ben Folds, who is great.

2. The animation. Stunning! Even when the bear villain is in the throes of a murderous rage, I want to pet him and give him a big hug, he looks so wonderfully soft.

3. I don't care if it's a kids' movie, it makes me laugh. You try watching and not fall in love with the William Shatner possum!

4. "My father's face was so flat. It was beautiful. He could hardly breathe!" That line was from a cat, but it goes both ways. This cat also says he has no sense of smell, since his face was bred for beauty. (It's a good thing for the sake of the movie, since he falls for the skunk, but whatever.) Are you listening, breeders?

5. The obligatory crazed Rottweiler is not, for perhaps the first time in movie history, a vicious brute bent on ripping the peaceable woodland creatures to shreds for invading his territory, but a goofy overgrown puppy who wants nothing more than to play with them. Rock on.

There is so much we can learn from childrens' movies.

Back soon with some muttpuppy-bashing.

Raining on the Christmas parade

2008-11-09T17:19:00.000-05:00

December is fast approaching (where has that first week of November gone?) and if you're anything like me and love to get into the spirit of the season early, you're already busting out the Christmas CDs (because it just isn't Christmas without Karen Carpenter), laying into the holiday shortbread cookies, and cursing heartily at the radio every time it plays that godawful 'Christmas Shoes' song. You know, the one about the juvenile con artist hitting up innocent stores on Christmas Eve with a list of merch his probably drunk and unemployed mother sent him out with. ("An' after you git mommy's shoes, fetch a little sumthin' fer yourself, too. Tell the toy store ya brother's in the ICU on Christmas.") No offense if you're one of the people who actually cry at this song. We are simply on different wavelengths, you and I.

If you're planning on getting your little one a puppy for Christmas, you're cooler than my parents were and probably love your kids more. Hats off.

But have you done all that THINKING AHEAD?

Many many sources - most notably, pet rescues and shelters and other organizations in that vein - will tell you that Christmas puppies are a bad idea. It sure seems great. You know that classic scene where the kids rush downstairs in the morning and find puppy in a basket with a little red ribbon around his neck. Aww. But in the weeks to follow, reality is one harsh mother.

First off, it shouldn't surprise most of you that the majority of Christmas puppies come from puppy mills. Reputable breeders may have a waitlist, or might not even sell Christmas pups at all. To get the timing just right, people tend to turn to those who market to the masses ... petstores and puppy mills. It helps that those pups often come cheaper, too - but trust me, a couple hundred bucks more now is way better than thousands of dollars in vet bills when your dog's poor health starts showing. There are countless people who will tell you all about their petstore puppy woes, and the month after Christmas is the last time you want to be paying vet bills on top of everything else.

Secondly, this is a big decision! Refer to the post below if you want the whole spiel. A puppy is another family member, not a toy to be played with and then cast aside. And the sad truth is, plenty of Christmas puppies end up in shelters after the holidays. I like this article best because it includes other details, like why the bustling atmosphere of Christmas Day makes it the worst possible time to introduce a puppy to the family. (However, this one has some good advice if you want to ignore the friendly faceless blogger and go ahead with it anyway.)*

Are you sure your child even wants a dog? - or are you getting it because you want the dog, or because you think your kid should have the experience? Or if they do want the dog, do they have realistic expectations when it comes to caring for it? Do you realize that you'll most likely be the one who has to walk the dog every frosty morning and feed it? Are you okay with that? Do you know that winter may not be ideal for adopting a puppy, seeing as some of them may prefer to do their business on a nice warm carpet rather than out in the chilly yard? Oh, the questions you must ask yourself.

Personally, I'd wrap up a few doggy knick-knacks like a leash and and dishes - much easier to return, just in case, than a puppy - and let the kid draw her own conclusions. Then she can pick out her own best friend once the holidays are over and things have gone from 'manic rush' back to relaxed. And it would be great if you can nudge her in the direction of a shelter: there are plenty of kids out there who'd be happy to open their hearts to a homeless dog, if you explain the idea to them. Hey, you might even end up with someone else's discarded puppy, and give the little guy a second chance at finding his forever home.

I'm such a Linus. I gotta stop preaching and come up with some happier posts!

*If I were a sex-ed teacher, I wouldn't be the sort to advocate abstinence only and then pass around the chastity belts. You know some of those kids are gonna be doing it anyway, so you may as well make sure they're armed with condoms and the right kind of knowledge, says I.

Using your head, BEFORE you adopt

2008-11-07T16:57:00.000-05:00

Why do silly people never THINK before they get a dog?

(The correct answer is "because they're silly", but let me rave.)

There are so many questions you have to ask yourself before you get a dog.

Who am I?
Am I financially independent and secure?
What's my living situation like?
Where will I be in five years?
Who do I live with?
Do I want a family in the near future?
Is a dog going to have the best possible life with me?

Students are among the silliest out there. I can think of some people who thought it would be a bright idea to finally get that puppy they've always wanted as soon as they moved away from home (thank God most DIDN'T). That's brilliant. You're going off to college, it's exciting and tumultuous, what better than a dog to comfort you in this changing period of your life?

Now good luck finding a place to stay, kiddo. Most college residences have a fish-only policy, and people who rent rooms to students are usually pretty specific about no pets. Some people actually sneak dogs or cats into residence anyway. Awesome. Keep that dog locked up in a crate while you're at class all day and partying all night. And if it barks? What are you going to do with it short notice? I believe you get one warning and then the boot. Oh boy.

Say you do find a place with your dog; do you know how many hours you're gonna be putting into school? And then into your career? Are you gonna have a job all lined up as soon as you leave school? Suddenly you've got to find a dog-friendly apartment, and be able to provide for yourself and your furry friend, while trying to find a job - and a dog isn't a hamster. Your 20s are a turbulent time, and some people cope better having man's best friend at their side, but others have to give their dogs up when a significant other hits the scene, or a baby, or life doesn't go the way they planned...

Think hard, students.

Then there are the folks who are recently married, always wanted a puppy, start off their family with a furry little bundle of joy; maybe as "practise" for the real deal. Which is cool - but do you know how puppy is going to react if and when the infantile interloper invades his territory? Why didn't you think of that in the first place?

Always always think AHEAD when you decide to get a dog. This could be a fifteen-year commitment, if the worst shouldn't happen. There will always be change in your life over this period. Oftentimes, you KNOW what that change is gonna be - or have a rough idea. Plan for it so that your dog can adapt with you. Want to start a family? Socialize, socialize, socialize! It's so crucial to a little dog. When puppies are small and rather harmless, they can be taught to get along with all kinds of other critters and people. Introduce your dog to some small kids when he's little. Let them run around and play. Teach the kids that when puppy bites, they need to say "OW!" and stop playing - even at light nips. Trust me, your puppy can understand when he's gone a little too far in his play: his brothers and sisters probably yelped and quit the game when he bit too hard, too. Make him think, "Geez, these little humans are so sensitive!" and get gentler if he wants to keep playing with them. Now you're better prepared if you acquire toddlers of your own. (Even if you don't, I believe puppies should meet small children while they're still puppies and learn their manners - just in case.)

And most important of all, mind YOUR attitude around the little ones, especially if they're your own and you've got a dog. It doesn't take the smarter ones long to pick up on the idea that the kids are yours and therefore need guarding, like all your other possessions. Ideas of household hierarchy will come later. Puppies are taught to respect what's yours and not to chew on what's yours, like your shoes, or your kids, and if you've got to give up a dog because he's chewing on your four-year-old, that's YOUR fault.

Do I have dog experience?
Is this breed right for my lifestyle?
Does this breed make for a good first-time owner's dog?
Do I know what I'm getting into in picking this breed?

If you're dog-savvy enough, and you love and care for your pet enough, you can adapt a dog to almost any situation life throws at you. My dad's Border collie was a year old when I showed up, and we grew up alongside each other no problem. (Well - he was a grumpy old bastard, and we weren't exactly BFF, but we didn't have any of the problems that get some Borders dumped.)

If you've never owned a dog before, on the other hand, and have your heart set on a Siberian husky... Think again! Know your dog's characteristics and how you're going to deal with him before you get him. Of course it's not that simple, but getting a purebreed and researching can give you a rough approximation.

Sometimes an older dog lands in your lap unexpectedly. Those can make for the best relationships. Just take the time and care to help your dog adapt to new things.

I'm all ranted out for now. Just remember, whatever comes your way in life, your dog can help you through it only so long as you help him. So think ahead.

Watch me make the election relevent

2008-11-05T21:08:00.000-05:00

If you were paying attention to the new president elect's speech last night, he mentioned bringing a puppy to the White House. Apparently he's looking for a "hypoallergenic" dog. Mr President, I hope you know your dog breeds, 'cause cockapoos ain't the be-all and end-all...

Anyway, I just wanted to share this here article because, well, I found it kinda cute. It tells the story of Baby, something of a puppy mill spokesdog, and shows off a picture of her in the arms of Obama. You guys might also like to know that he's the first presidential candidate to have been endorsed by the Humane Society. Good stuff. This page is definitely worth a look, too; it quotes some relevent news articles and lists the animal protection laws he voted for in Illinois. Whoever you voted for, we all like protecting animals. Just don't forget about the little people now that you're in office, Mr Obama - four-legged or otherwise!

Are the Chinese taking over?

2008-11-04T15:51:00.000-05:00

Last month we celebrated a few designer dogs that weren't poodle hybrids. This month I'd kind of like to get back to the roots of designer dog-dom and rag on a couple 'poos, but first off I'd like to direct your attention to another epidemic (PRACTICALLY): the breeding of Oriental dogs.

My biggest beef is with Ori-peis, the mix between pugs and Shar-peis. Ori-peis were originally developed to eliminate the health problems of both parent breeds, like skin and eye problems in the Shar-pei. The original breeder liked Shar-peis but wasn't so fond of vet bills ... so, rather than breed healthier, she made up a new breed. The result is a muttpuppy with a whole lot of issues.

Dog Breed Info.com can give you the Ori-Pei's brief history, followed by an owner's testimonial that's worth a look. Their dog's suffered from not only cherry eye and entropion (eye "tacking"), but a respiratory infection too (hello, pug genes). Here's some other testimonials from owners on this forum:

"my nieghbors ori-pie has horrible eye problems. She had to have surgery at 4 months because fur was growing on the underside of her eyelid or something similar to that." (This is likely entropion: the eyelashes turn inward.)

"... Yes, just like a Shar pei, we had to get his eyes tacked twice before they would keep the eyelids from hurting his eyes. And just like humanes, my dog does have allergies. When my husbands acted up, Willies act up. ... They are kind of expensive at first but he was well worth it." (Allergies is another common problem in Shar-peis.)

"No complaints until Saturday when he began having grand mal seizures. Scary stuff. Now he's on meds and we're praying they continue to work for him (so far so good...no seizures since Sunday). He's got no underlying medical causes according to bloodwork & ultrasounds, so it looks like he has epilepsy. This seems to be something more common in the pug line but uncommon in shar peis. He's neutered, of course, so he won't be passing this along, wherever it came from. He's also had to have Cherry Eye surgery."

And people love these dogs!

It's not ethical to breed a pug to another breed, because they have so many breathing problems, or to cross-breed a Shar-pei, because of their eye and skin problems. Putting these two together only gives you a train wreck of health issues, yet people clamour for more!

And that's not my only complaint when it comes to Oriental dogs. What the heck is up with all the Chinese crested mixes? Why are people cross-breeding dogs with such obvious health problems? This one is STARING YOU IN THE FACE. Okay, so cresteds generally are pretty healthy, but you've got to be prepared to take good care of your dog's skin to keep it that way. Chinese cresteds are prone to breakouts of acne, and some can develop dry skin, which means treating them with special weekly baths. Then there's the temperature to be aware of... And those are only the skin problems. Some mixes favour their hairier parents, but plenty don't. Even breeding a "powderpuff" crested is no guarantee.

Also ... they're really ugly.

What is with all the tongues hanging out the side of the mouth, by the way? -- and don't even get me started on the Japanese chin mixes or we'll be here all day.

Wake up people. Your muttpuppies never come out looking and acting and ... being as healthy as you imagine they will. STOP RELYING ON HYBRIDS TO MAKE YOUR DOGS HEALTHY.

Normally I don't mind people buying [certain] designer dogs so long as they come from very, very responsible breeders, but people who mix breeds like the Ori-pei have no excuse. It's inethical, there are way too many health problems to consider, and that means there are no responsible breeders out there. We need to STOP creating these and focus on breeding healthier in the parent breeds. So steer clear of the Ori-pei!!

Morkie World

2008-11-03T15:27:00.001-05:00

Phew. Sorry for the slow weekend. I seem to have come down with something that, on top of other things, made it very difficult for me to keep to one train of thought for more than two minutes at a time. I'm a little less tripped out today, but I'll keep this short. -Ish.

Remember that Morkenstein from my last entry? She came from this place.

The woman in charge used to breed purebred poodles. She started dabbling in Yorkipoos and Maltipoos when she realized she could get as much for those as for purebred dogs, and now she's selling all kinds of muttpuppies to North America. What do we call this lady? A hoarder? Whatever she is, she is breeding way too many dogs. Let's take a look at the website and pick it apart.

1. Flashy graphics. What are you, a thirteen-year-old girl on MySpace? This drives me crazy.

2. Randomly capitalized Words. You're Not speaking German; knock it Off.

3. "We are full supporters of Hybrid Vigor and it is the number one reason why we breed Morkies." That's great. That's so fantastic I could just shit.

4. They've made up terms like teddy bear Morkie and "Fuzzy Wuzzy Teddy Bear Shichon". 'Nuff said.

5. Their genetic testing page is there solely to assure you that they do NOT screen their dogs for health problems, because it's perfectly impossible for a puppy to inherit a genetic disorder when only one parent is a carrier. Yep. That's how genetics work. "The RENAL DYSPLASIA Test isn't available any more, because there just wasn't enough information concerning the gene to prove it as hereditary disease." Whoops! I think someone needs to do a little more research. Now, I understand hip and elbow dysplasia are more common in large breeds, but what about the problems common to small breeds, like patella luxation? And don't give me any hybrid vigour crap, because we see that in poodles, Yorkies, AND Shih-tzus.

6. They SHIP your puppy. Never ever ever buy from somebody who has to SHIP your puppy to you! Read over that fishy contract, too; they won't take your dog back unless it's "sufficiently medically unsound", and that's if you have it checked by a vet within three days of purchase, AND it's on you to send the dog back and have a new one shipped over. This says that, as soon as the puppy leaves their hands, they don't care what happens to it. Not the right match for you? That dog can end up in a kill shelter for all they care.

7. Teacup toys. AGH.

Ms Mileen Coulter might not be the worst breeder in the world, but she sure is clueless.

She'll have Morkie puppies ready for Christmas. Any takers?

Happy Halloween, MoT-style

2008-10-31T11:44:00.000-04:00

Well, it's that time of year again. Those up north know what I'm talking about. That time of year when the trees go from 'fiery glory' to 'deader and more depressing than those frozen halibuts with the staring eyes in the grocery store'. Every light, ominous snowfall is met with a dead-eyed, thousand-yard stare until the sky goes back to raining like it's supposed to. The first hint of a sneeze from the cage in the corner of my bedroom means I'll be turning on my space heater and boiling to death in my own juices every night until spring so my beloved guinea pig doesn't catch a cold and die, and before then I'll be shivering all night long.

But if there's one holiday to brighten this dark and dismal stretch until Christmas, it's Halloween! (Unless you prefer football and stuffing and crazy relatives in cramped quarters - in which case, hang tight till Thanksgiving.) Here at MoT I've decided to get into the spirit of the thing, and I've personally scoured the 'net for the most beastly, monstrous little muttpuppies I can find. Here they are, for your viewing pleasure, hopefully making your Halloween that little bit more special. If not, 54 days until Christmas...

#10. Sheesh, would ya look at the dog on those ears? This little shih-poo is masquering as a piece of roadkill - or as something that's been chewed up and digested by a larger dog already - I'm not quite sure. I can't help it, though; my eyes are always drawn straight back to those ears. What happened there?? They look like wrinkled potato chips. With fuzz. ...Ugh, way to ruin potato chips for me, dog.

#9. Okay. So this little Staffy/Shar pei cross isn't so bad. Well, I guess we won't know till he's grown up, but he's cute now. Still, he gets a mention because the honest-to-God first thought in my head when I saw him was "THRIL-LER!" That's the spirit, little dog!

#8. This Shi-poo or Shorkie or I don't even know anymore just plain freaks me out. His eyes follow me all around the room. And that underbite will give me nightmares for years to come.

#7. MORKZILLA ANGRY! MORKZILLA SMASH! (Yes I did just cross two horror genres.) It looks almost like somebody's photoshopped in two angry eyebrows. I love it.

#6. Little Willie is also a Morkie and he's here to remind us that not all Halloween costumes need be scary. Some just give us a laugh! Poor muttpuppy, he looks more like a mix between a Schnauzer and a Furby to me. Or maybe a satellite dish. I bet he gets great reception.

#5. Frankenmorkie? All she needs is bolts in her neck to complete the look. Aw, man, I'm almost starting to feel bad. Being a Morkie is unfortunate, it seems.

#4. Oh God, this one gives me the willies. He looks like he IS wearing a mask. That's a puppy! Am I the only one seriously freaked out by this dog? Anyone?

#3. Chinese crested/Japanese chin mixes produce some of the fugliest little bastards known to dogkind. But I picked this jaunty little fellow because, as weird-looking as he is, I think he's kinda cute and I like him. Also he looks more like a mix between a koi and a crested duck.

#2. Ah, that old crowd-pleaser, the Chihuahua/chin. Warning: has been known to knock over small children just by turning her brick head. I wonder which celebrity adopted this dog?

#1. Just to prove I'm not completely designer dogs-ist (you know I am), I went out and found a purebred. ...I found a hell of a purebred. Give yourselves a moment to make sure you're on an empty stomach and that nobody unsuspecting is behind you to get sideswiped by the image you're about to see. In all seriousness, it looks like the goddamn Cryptkeeper and its image will burn itself into your retinas and blaze in all its hideous glory in your mind's eye when you're trying to sleep. Not for the faint of heart. You may want to restore down your window so you don't get the full blast all at once. Ready for this? Meet Sam, the Chinese crested.

I hear he was actually quite a cuddly dog. (And yep, he's for real.)

Phew! Go back and look at that duck for awhile if you need to bleach your corneas. Have we all recovered? Great. By the way, this little mixed-breed pooch gets an honourable mention for making me smile.

Have a great Halloween, guys! Enjoy all the leftover candy, because I know I will!

EDIT: Shoot, Blogger sucks at uploading pictures.

Dorgis on the docket

2008-10-30T11:24:00.000-04:00

Thanks a lot, Queen of England.

You did this.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Exhibit A: The dorgi. It is what it sounds like. Her Royal Highness' royal corgi got a little frisky and got it on with one of Princess Margaret's less-royal-but-still-recognized-by-the-populace Dachshunds. Apparently what came out of this scandalous dalliance was so delightful that the Queen called for more. Breeders around the globe are now gleefully getting in on this bizarre mix to try and see if they can develop the world's first dog as long as a train. All this observer can say is, they'd better be using Pembroke corgis and not Cardigans. We don't want none of them freaks around here!

I kid. Cardigans are great. They're like the squashed-down, stretched-out version of a Border collie or an Australian shepherd, and that is endlessly amusing to me. Plus, they were here first: the Pembrokes are their snot-faced kid brothers whom their parents and teachers for some reason love more. As for the designer breeders, who knows? The only recipe I can find anywhere for a dorgi is Dachshund + Welsh Corgi. Two distinct breeds, you say? Forget that! They're both called "corgis", aren't they? Well - if I HAD to award any mitigating factors - I'd say that breeding the Doxie with the Cardigan would be sliightly more forgivable, as they may come from the same strain originally ... you know, like a thousand years ago.

Whereas a Dachshund + Pembroke comes out more like a spaniel/terrier + herder/spitz.

Whatever.

You still get a long-ass dog (literally) with more pep than its little legs can handle.

THE PROS: Call me shallow, but long dogs with stubby legs are funny. (I challenge you to watch this corgi climbing up a plastic ladder and not laugh. Go corgi go!) Maybe little dorgi won't find it so funny when the other dogs at obedience school are calling him bratwurst butt and stealing his lunch money, but you'll laugh. Oh, you'll laugh. Trust me.

(Okay, somebody needs to stop me from watching these. I'm hypnotised. They're just so stubby and adorable!)

Both parent breeds are very loyal to their own people, and good with their 'own' kids. Just take another look at that first corgi video if you need proof!

And thankfully, both have a pretty long life expectancy - about 12-15 years. Nobody can say at this point what the dorgi's average life span is, but it should be roughly the same.

THE CONS: Oh, boy, where to start!

Like I said, these are peppy dogs. They're both workers, or were - the corgi herding livestock, the Dachshund digging for game and slipping into burrows. These aren't fields that mesh easily and, as is seen in the parent breeds, I imagine with dorgis you get a stumpy sausage dog determined to chase down other animals. As entertaining as that would be to watch (if you're sick like me)...

They're also barkers. LOUD BARKERS.

They're big dogs in little packages and they've got minds of their own. Dachshunds can be tricky to train, I hear. Workers generally are the stubborn ones. Your little dorgi may turn out to be a bit of a brat.

Lastly, both these breeds are mainly geared towards a specific group of people. Dog-savvy people. Dorgis are probably best suited to these people - but then, there's that nasty little myth that designer dogs are the new family dog...

Oh, and zero predictability in temperament or appearance. (Also, that dog up there looks just like Ashlee Simpson and that terrifies me. They have the same soulless look in their eyes, the same hairstyle, and the dog, too, cannot decide which hair colour it prefers. Chilling.)

HEALTH CONCERNS?
Yes, it gets its own section now. How exciting!

First off, by poking around I've found some dapple dorgis here and there ... okay if you're using a merle corgi to get that effect, but a big no-no for Doxies, as the double dapple (merle with white) genes carry deafness and blindness. The more you know...

Then there's that glaring detail... What was that? Oh yeah - that LONG DAMN BACK! BOTH breeds have got long spinal cords and the problems that accompany that. And they can both be prone to obesity - oh, jeez, imagine that spine supporting a tubby dog gut. That strain can lead to paralysis of the rear legs, or worse. This site puts intervertebral disk disease, one of the biggest health concerns for Dachshunds, in layman's terms. And don't think it doesn't hit corgis just as hard.

Then there's the usual suspects - eye disorders. Von Willebrand's (an hereditary bleeding disorder). Displasia. And, of course, breed small and you always run the risk of luxating patellas (slipped kneecaps).

COULD A PUREBREED SERVE THE SAME FUNCTION?
Well. No. I mean, there aren't that many purebreeds whose back you could have a picnic off of.

Or saddle up and train a whole family of guinea pigs to ride around on.

Or--

I'll stop.

(Sorry, hot-dogs of the world.)

An afterthought...

2008-10-30T07:48:00.000-04:00

Two things I forgot to mention in the post below:

EXERCISE! This is another thing Cesar advocates, and he's very right. Take the time to burn off your pet's excess energy and you'll both be happier. A bored and restless dog will be a constant frustration to you. Take little Sparky for walks and you'll find it easier to train and handle him in general.

And secondly, you can practise being the "pack leader" without rolling your dog over. Just try telling him to sit before you give him food, or put on his leash - if he's getting too wound up when playing, tell him to lie down. You get the idea. These small things can affirm that you're the one calling the shots. Not Sparky!

Positive reinforcement vs. positive punishment

2008-10-29T11:23:00.000-04:00

EDIT: I posted this, then ended up taking it down and going over it again because something didn't sit right with me. It's back up now, and I want to reiterate that these are just my opinions. Some people really can train dogs using their voice alone, and that's great! Feel free to share some tips. I just wanted to offer my thoughts - that's all.

So I've been looking into Cesar Millan (famed Dog Whisperer)'s methods lately, and I wanted to share some more thoughts on dog training. Positive reinforcement, like clicker training, is the method I favour, which I covered in my earlier dog training post. Positive punishment is what Cesar Millan uses: responding to undesirable behaviour with something aversive, like a "nip" on the neck.

(Yep, punishment can be positive. I know it can get confusing! When you're talking about operant conditioning, instead of the normal connotations of 'good' and 'bad', positive means causing something to happen (after the behaviour), whereas negative is causing something to stop happening. It's like in math, where positive adds something and negative takes away. In dog training, an example of positive reinforcement would be clicker training - rewarding the dog immediately after desirable behaviour with a click and, summarily, a treat. Positive punishment would be a Cesar-type response or a shock collar, causing a mild electrical shock following barking or leaving the property.
Negative reinforcement, taking away a stimulus after the desired behaviour is performed, would be like shaking a can of pennies until your dog stops barking. Negative punishment would be like taking away your dog's toy as soon as he gets overexcited and bites you, and walking away from him. I'm looking at the "positives", so if you get confused, look at it this way: are you going to wait for your dog to do something good (and reward him), or wait for him to do something bad (and punish)? Much more simple!)

Now, to start off I have to say: I might be very pro-clicker training/positive reinforcement, but I think BOTH methods of training very much have their place in the dog world. Often times they'll coincide. With reinforcement you want your dog to keep doing whatever it is he's doing; with punishment you want him to stop. If your dog is an excessive barker, you can either teach him that not barking is a good thing and deserves rewards, or that barking is a bad thing to be punished. He can learn either. If your dog strains at the leash, you can teach her that walking beside you is preferred, or that pulling is undesirable. Before you decide to take either route of training, try and see how many of your objectives could be achieved either way like this. YOU know your dog's temperament, and you should know which method of training will work better for them.

With a puppy, you want to start with reinforcement right away. Your new baby doesn't know what you want at all, and you want to teach him in a way that won't foster uncertainty. He can't be punished for not sitting when he doesn't know what 'sit' means! And like I said in my other post, remember not to punish just because your dog does it the 'wrong' way - like taking too long to come when called. Keep on rewarding, and he'll keep on trying to please you. He'll get better as he learns, and puppies need patient teachers, especially if they're sensitive (researching your dog's breed will nearly always tell you whether that breed tends to respond poorly to harsh methods).

Other puppies need a firmer hand, and it's okay if you need to correct. If baby is showing undesirable actions, you want him to stop NOW, before he grows up and what was cute (like jumping up on people) becomes annoying or even frightening for some people. Worse, maybe he's biting or out of control. In these cases, pay attention to what Cesar teaches: Tone of voice and attitude, even your stance can tell the dog a lot. Plenty of dogs learn fast what "NO" means, because of the way you say it. If puppy bites you, even lightly, yelp or say "OW!" or something, and stop playing. Puppy wants to play with you, and she'll learn that she has to bite much more gently, and eventually not at all, if she wants to keep her playmate.

I won't tell you never to lay a hand on your dog. Why? Because I've raised a Border collie puppy ... I've been there! Even if he is a lovable teddy bear now, Tip was exactly the same as any other Border collie pup in the beginning - that is, he acted like he was perpetually riddled with cocain and running on a six-pack of Red Bulls, and that everyone he met was a "sheep" (not that he tried to herd me, but he played the dominant role). Convincing a Border collie that you're not a sheep is a lot of hard work, and these dogs stay puppies for a long time!

I KNOW we're not all saints, and I KNOW learning all the "be the pack leader" stuff just doesn't come naturally to some people, and that not everyone has time to learn the most positive training methods possible. I will NEVER, EVER tell you to hurt your dog: you're not just the "pack leader" to him, you're his best friend in the whole world. Keep it that way. But, in my opinion, getting "hands-on" can be okay if you do it carefully, and not in anger. Try to look at it like this: you're not aiming to hurt him physically (or emotionally; Tip's probably not the only crybaby out there), but just to get his attention or convey that you're unhappy. A light smack on the rump with an open palm was as far as I ever went personally; some trainers will tell you it's okay to grab your dog by the scruff and give it a shake, but that doesn't sit right with me. It's a matter of personal preference. Either way, I'm sure you realize that dogs get hands-on with each other! It's not the end of the world if you want to use physical contact to redirect your dog. Still; this should be a last resort. You should have already tried using tone of voice, or walking away, or whatever was needed, before touching your dog. And your puppy is probably a little saner than a Border collie - I hope you don't need to touch him. :) (I once dog-sat my neighbours' cockapoo puppy - they went to Florida for two weeks just after acquiring him; yeah, real bright idea - and didn't need to lay a hand on him. Just so you don't think I'm some kind of dog-molesting psycho with the uncontrollable urges to stomp on puppies and live in trailer parks and wear wife-beaters.)

Note: I never felt the need to use physical contact with Tip after he'd grown up a bit. I find the older a dog gets, the more receptive he is to you and the less I would recommend touching him. Tip was hell in puppy form, but now all it takes is a stern word or glare for him to look abashed.

But now your dog is grown up, and still showing some problems. You decide which method will work on him - he's your dog, you know him best, and you know how he should respond. Some dogs don't really need a "pack leader", I feel. When Tip pulls at the leash, it's because he's just excited to be outside and wants to sniff that tree, not because he thinks he's the top dog. Somebody recently told me I should give him a light KICK when he does that - we made a bet that I could stop him from pulling in two weeks using the clicker. Three days in and Tip now simply glances at those trees as if they're hardly there! Clickers can solve a lot of your doggy problems, and I'd recommend using one for just about any issue.

But personally, I think Cesar Millan knows what he's doing. Before you judge his methods, you should try getting into it with an aggressive pittie, and see how far tone of voice gets you! I love that he trains the owners simultaneously, because attitude, and the energy you put out, have a lot to do with how your dog's behaving. And no matter how aggressive the dog, he never harms them: "punishment" can indeed be as simple as a "tsst" (or a more calming "shhh"), or touching the neck.

What I don't like is that people think these are sound methods for training any dog. I can almost guarantee that your Lab doesn't need a "tsst"! Cesar works specifically with aggressive dogs and I think a lot of people lose sight of that. (The person who told me to kick my dog - my dog who is just like that kid you knew in kindergarten that ate paste and crayons, God bless - had just seen one episode of the Dog Whisperer.)

Try positive reinforcement first. If that really doesn't work, well, time to pull your head out of your ass and take some tips from Cesar: be calm, be assertive, lay the foundation using positive punishment until reinforcement can take its place. (But if the dog is super-aggressive, leave it to the professionals.)

(Another note I almost forgot to cover: Positive punishment will work for dominance aggression, but not so much for fear aggression. This I learned from C, my dog guru. I also got this handy chart from her. Fear aggression is something quite different from dominance and possibly one of the most difficult behaviours to break a dog of. I won't go into it now because I have no personal experience; but if you think your dog is fear-aggressive, forget using corrections. Be quiet and unthreatening, don't validify his fearful behaviour by coddling him, and give him treats and love when he is not acting fearful. Obedience training will be your best ally, as it will help strengthen the bond between you and your dog.)

I lost my train of thought two or six times writing this, so I'll sum up my thoughts real quick:

POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT
- For teaching your dog new things
- ...OR to train him out of certain behaviours
- Makes training fun for uncertain or sensitive dogs
- Is the clearest way to convey to your dog what you want him to do
- Tends to have good results!

POSITIVE PUNISHMENT
- For correcting bad behaviour ASAP (like biting)
- ...Or laying the foundation to a more mentally sound dog, in order to move on to positive reinforcement
- Best used sparingly and as a last resort
- Will not make you a monster if you do it right, and safely. :)

Lastly, remember that a good trainer keeps an open mind. (Me, I'd never use a can of coins - it hurts my ears, for one thing! But I wouldn't condemn the people that do, either.) Every dog is different and some need different training strategies than others. Breed can be a good indication of how your dog should be trained, so be careful with your muttpuppies. And keep in mind that this is all just my opinion, and you have no particular reason to listen to me. ;) Feel free to disagree. Happy training!

Those awful vicious breeds!

2008-10-26T23:05:00.000-04:00

I love this!!

They forgot a breed, though: Small humans. Raising a little human responsibly requires more homework than any dog breed you can come up with ... funny how so few people seem to do their research! For instance, people under the age of 10 make up the majority of dog bite victims... That's a good nugget of information to have! Maybe you should keep your little one on a leash - or at least teach it to ask before petting, hmm?

On the other hand, if I hear of one more person throwing a hissy fit at an owner because their kid just got a free face-wash from a happy Doberman, I suggest you demand how that parent dare endanger their own child's life by allowing it in a car! Because really ... your odds of being bit by a dog are approximately 1 in 50. Your kid is more likely to be involved in a serious car accident (hello, leading cause of death in children). Exercise caution around any dog, but I promise you ... sometimes, that tail-waggin' Dobey or Rottweiler really does just want to make friends!

Milwaukee Raid

2008-10-26T16:18:00.000-04:00

We're still a young blog, but on the off chance I have any readers from Wisconsin out there, anybody interested in adopting a puppy? Another puppy mill raid means plenty of dogs to be rehomed!

It takes a lot of commitment and love to bring a puppy mill survivor home for the first time in its life - in fact, it can be a very difficult process for both the dog and you. Remember that these dogs have never had the chance to be dogs in their lives, and they're a long way from fetching you your slippers. But this site and this one can give you some idea of what to expect. If you're at all interested in giving a survivor a forever home - or fostering, or helping in any way - keep an eye on the news (or this blog, as I'll be keeping an eye out, too) for any puppy mill raids near you.

Disclaimer, part two

2008-10-25T14:41:00.000-04:00

What do you have against designer dogs??

To be honest? I have NOTHING against the dogs themselves. I think mutts make for some of the sweetest dogs around, and I believe adopting a shelter mutt is one of the best things you can do.

No; if you're keeping up with this blog, you should know it's the people behind the dogs that grate on my nerves. Let's face it: there are way too many dogs out there. Purebreeds will always be relatively okay, because there will always be breed enthusiasts who know their way around their respective dogs. There will always be breed rescues ready to take on an unwanted Lab or shepherd. It's the mutts who are often left high and dry, and that's heart-breaking.

Muttpuppies are the fault of (and should be the responsibility of) people who are too lazy to give their dogs the snip or at least build a proper fence. Those are the people I have a problem with.

Then there are the designer dogs. Remember, 'designer' doesn't mean Dolce & Gabbana- it means these mutts were bred by design. Designer dogs are cockapoos, Goldendoodles, puggles, Maltipoos... All the poos and doodles and then some.

I've had a couple people say I've made them feel guilty for wanting one of these dogs... Ooops! Honest, that was never my intention. (Unless you want a Border Jack, because ... holy crap. Really??) Actually, I really kinda like Goldendoodles and Labradoodles! They make awesome family dogs. :) I applaud the efforts of those breeders trying to develop the "Australian Labradoodle", because breeding with a standard in mind is the best thing you can do for designer dogs: if you want to breed Labradoodles, breed for THIS objective. Most designer dog breeders can't agree on anything except that the dog simply has to be a mix between this breed and that breed.

What I can't stand is the people who put a poodle and a Lab together and automatically assume the best traits of both will show up in the puppies. These are the people who notice a growing trend and decide to get in on it. OFA and CERF? Never heard of it! Health problems? No problem, hybrid vigour's on our side! So the poodle's a little snappy? The Lab genes will take care of that! These people also tend to refuse to breed multigenerational dogs, because they want all the benefits that come with a true blue mutt.

I know you're sick of me harping on about unpredictability in mutts, but it's one of my biggest pet peeves. In the hands of fad breeders, you don't know what your dog's temperament will be like, you don't know what it'll look like when it's grown, you don't know what health problems it may present, if you're getting a Golden- or Labradoodle you won't even know if it's low-shedding and "hypoallergenic" or not! And hybrid vigour, well - it may work out to some degree for some mixes, but the thing to keep in mind is that muttpuppies aren't real "hybrids" at all. Domestic dogs are all the same species - Canis lupus familiaris - and a hybrid, if you want to get technical, is a mix of two different species. Some geneticists like the late George Padgett, DVM even say that mixed breeds can inherit the genes for more than DOUBLE the health problems in some purebreeds.

And these people expect you to pay money for these "one of a kind" genetic anomalies.

Just for kicks, I went hunting on a pet-finder site for a schnauzer mix, because I've always wanted a dog with a beard. And ta-da. He's young, he's a schnoodle, he's in need of a yard to run around in, and he's an hour or two away from me. It's that easy! Now I could have my very own doggy beard to brush all day ... assuming he's got one. And poking around, it's sad to see just how many of these dogs are mixed breeds.

So you see, it's not all about the muttpuppies here at Muttpuppies on Trial. I aim to rag on the people who come up with those bizarre mixes, bad breeders (in general), puppy mills, and anything doggy that catches my interest. And if you want to adopt yourself a designer dog, that's okay by me. Just do your research, and find yourself a responsible breeder first!

I've got a bone to pick with you, Florida...

2008-10-24T11:44:00.000-04:00

Seriously.

Remember that site where the "celebrities" buy their puppies?

Put your heads between your knees, because it gets worse. (Almost.)

Why? Whyyy?? How could you do this to me Florida?? I thought we were buddies! I visited you way back when I was in diapers and I fed your ducks. Okay, so I didn't call when I said I would, but you know how busy life gets...

Well-- let's break these two sites down, shall we?

1) They're both based in FL.
2) They both profess to be "boutiques" with "showrooms", bringing to mind small glittery stores where wedding dresses are sold and tea is served.
3) They both offer teacup dogs (whyyy??).
4) They both take pictures of their puppies with pretty bows and tiaras and pink things draped all over them.

Puppy Lanes goes one BETTER by adding glittering graphics that read messages like "I ♥ U". Oh, gag me with your smallest Chihuahua. But the best part is, look how scared and angry these babies look. Part of me wants to laugh. The other part wants to grab an armful of Yorkies and RUN.

I won't even go into the stupidity of breeding "teacup" dogs. If you read this blog, you probably already know.

Sigh.

Florida's good guys, please reassure me that still you're out there and not drowning in tiny sparkly dogs.

Finding the right apartment dog

2008-10-23T14:43:00.000-04:00

I was asked to write a post about how the size of a dog isn't relative to the size of its living space. I decided to write all about apartment dogs. My opinion? There's nothing wrong with keeping a dog in an apartment - so long as (like with any living situation) you do your homework!

First off, I'm sure you know to check with your landlord and all that. You might want to run the breed you'd like past him/her, too. While you may not agree with them if they're uncomfortable with "bully" breeds, your landlord can still give you boot or make you give up your dog, and nobody wants that to happen. Respect his/her feedback. Secondly, figure out an action plan. Do you have a nearby park or place to exercise your dog every day? Do you know how he's going to relieve himself? Are you ready for the possibility of your dog making noise or picking up other habits that might annoy the neighbours?

But most importantly of all, have a breed in mind, and research research research!

Going to a shelter could also be a good idea. The people who work there have a good idea of what their dogs behave like, and might be able to pair you up with a suitable pooch. That way, you'll get an already polite and housebroken companion with a new lease on life. Win-win! If you do want a puppy to raise, though, think HARD on breed selection. I looked up some outside sources for help, and ... nearly every article was actually way off the mark when it came to some things. This one recommends Weimaraners, that one recommends Malamutes, here's one that recommends BEAGLES, as in named-for-baying BEAGLES - it's just a big headache. Let's start with the dogs we should AVOID.

The possibilities seem infinite. Gundogs and hounds are a noisy bunch, so you'll want to stay away from them. Even the barkless Basenji will yodel. Oh, and I think spitzes may own the title for Most Strident Voice in the dog world. Working/herding dogs have busy paws and busier minds, and they will wreak havoc on a small space if bored. Terriers might seem good for apartment living, but remember that these dogs were largely bred to a) investigate nooks and crannies, and b) run and find out. If something's happening on the other side of the wall, the curiosity may drive your terrier crazy. Sporting dogs are bouncy, exciteable and active. Faced with all these dead ends, I thought of Golden retrievers, the canine all-rounder, but then remembered that they can suffer from separation anxiety which can lead to destructive or noisy habits, oh my God, WHERE ARE ALL THE APARTMENT DOGS AT?

This site was my favourite of all the ones I looked at, because it's good for basically ball-parking things for you. It's a list of 50 most popular apartment dogs, but that doesn't mean that they all make GOOD apartment dogs, which the writer points out. It makes for a good estimation: if you check all your facts, one of these breeds could work well for you.

In picking your dog, generally check for three things: noise level, exercise requirement, and aggression factor. Remember that you and your dog will be sharing living space with other people. You're not the only one who has to get along with your dog.

Now here's a handful of breeds I can think to recommend.

THE GIANTS: You might be surprised to hear that the giants actually do quite well in apartments! Which brings us back to the original topic: big dogs do not necessarily need big plots of land to be happy. In fact, big dogs are some of the biggest couch potatoes in the dog world. I've mentioned Great Danes before now - those guys are quite happy to contort themselves into a happy pretzel and doze on the couch. And Newfoundlands, the sweet-tempered lovechild of a grizzly and a gorilla, used to spend most of their time hanging out on boats, and will do fine in an apartment provided they get their daily walk.

Things to consider: Naysayers will give you grief about cooping up such a big dog, and that may get wearying. Some people find it difficult to swallow that the dog doesn't require a huge house and yard. In actuality, your dog would probably just laze around some other six cubic foot space if you moved. The giant breeds are not the ones who will run laps around your home like they're chasing hubcaps at the Indiana 500: no, those are the small dogs!

Also, giants may not typically be big barkers, but when they do bark, they can bring the ceiling down. And you'll have to be quick to the draw on training your dog out of spurts of hyperactivity while it's small, especially when people come to the apartment, because if your giant starts a happy dance it might cave the floor in. (This is always something to consider with a giant, though. My cousin and her husband have a massive, soft-hearted Great Dane who greets people not by dancing but by putting his face in theirs to examine them from an inch away. His tail is going a mile a minute, but it can still be alarming. And they think this is okay, because he's not jumping!)

My real warning is that large dogs are prone to arthritis and displasia, so be mindful of the type of building you live in. Are you on one of the lower levels? Do you have to climb flights of stairs up to your apartment, or take an elevator? It may not seem important while your dog is young, but it could cause them grief later on in life.

Oh, yeah - and don't forget about the walking disaster that is a Dane's wagging tail!

THE TOYS: The ankle-biter brigade isn't for everyone, but trust me, if they were good enough for royalty, they're good enough for you. :) Just check if your breed of choice was originally bred to be a pet (like the Pekingese), or an active working dog (like the Yorkie), because this may make a difference.

Personally I'd recommend dogs from the Bichon family, because .... I like small white fluffy dogs. I feel ashamed every time I say it. But look into Malteses, Havaneses sound especially delightful, and Bichon frisés and the adorable Bologneses are promoted as low-shedding. And I won't lie: I like Chihuahuas, too. Honest! But if you get a Chihuahua, make sure you know exactly what you're getting into. I don't know what most owners expect, but Chihuahuas CAN be high-strung and they are by and large one-person dogs, and I think it's the owners who aren't prepared for that and don't socialize their dogs right that give Chis a bad rap! Papillons are another small breed I'm fond of, and they make very pleasant companions; just know that they are quite physically active. And the King Charles Spaniel makes for a very sweet-tempered lap dog.

Lastly, for those who prefer not to sit on either extreme end of the scale, some medium-sized dogs suited to apartment life:

ENGLISH BULLDOG: Friendly, squishy, stubby-limbed, bricked-in-the-face face, what's not to love! These guys are sweethearts AND they're easily trained.

SHAR PEI: Cutest puppies ever, plus these dogs are affectionate and, a bonus, very quiet.

CHOW CHOW: For those who know their way around a dog. Mostly bred as companions these days, they can be a bit willful, but they love their people.

GREYHOUND: You might be surprised, but it's true! In fact, one of the best apartment roomies you'll find is a retired greyhound. Most dogs retire at 3-4, but some will be 2 or younger. They get along with everyone, kids, grandparents and other pets included, and they are little couch potatoes. They're laidback, clean, relaxed, and low-maintenance. You can't ask for a better apartment dog.

STANDARD SCHNAUZER: Recommended by An American in Copenhagen - these guys are also for the dog-savvy, but they're very healthy, trainable, shed very little, don't bark much, and make great family dogs. They're also highly adaptable - and they're calm enough that some are used as therapy dogs. If you've got the time to exercise this robust little dog, he'll make another perfect roomie.

And, before I stop, yes, designer dogs can fare well in apartments too, I'm sure. As long as you're looking for a responsible breeder, I won't tell you not to buy one! Just REMEMBER that you don't always know what you're getting with a muttpuppy. Remember the puggle: Pugs aren't big barkers, but beagles ARE, so it's a bit of a risk to take one home (though training in puppyhood will help). With a designer dog, you've always got to do double the research!

I guess that's all for today. If you've got a breed to add, or if you think my information is wrong, please tell me! I'd like to have a relatively reliable list here. Thanks!

Typical Tip.

2008-10-21T14:03:00.000-04:00

Last night as Tip and I were enjoying our evening stroll, he suddenly abandoned his cheery, tongue-flopping-out-the-side-of-his-mouth grin and I could literally see all two of his brain cells banding together to fixate his attention on something up ahead. I looked. An older woman was on the path going in the same direction as us, ambling along at a leisurely pace to accommodate the stride of the small woolly dustbunny at the end of the leash in her hand.

One thing that must be understood about Tip is that he likes to make friends. He loves to make friends. People, dogs, the birds in the yard, whatever. Never mind that the sight of a hard-eyed Border collie lunging at you can kind of cause people to mistake the intention and run away like little girls, or that Tip is actually incapable of reading warning signs from other dogs and still thinks the snarling Dachshund that is intent on digging its way out of its yard every time we pass it is just being neighbourly. In his head, Tip lives on Sesame Street where everyone is great and nice and there purely to entertain him.

Still, I thought the almighty leap as he took off in pursuit of the tiny Shih Tzu was a bit too enthusiastic. Even for Tip.

I've never been a large person, and when he puts his mind to it, my dog can haul me off in the blink of an eye and cover ten yards before I think to put the brakes on. Then it's a game of tug-of-war. Last night's was an epic battle of claws scrabbling at the sidewalk and Tip's breath wheezing in his throat as he crawled his way determinedly up the path. And you know, for once, his intended victim actually looked sort of delighted to see him, when she heard his rasping, choking, slobbering approach (gasping out, I imagine, "Hey baby, what's your sign?"). And no mortified cries of "Tip!" or "Molly!" from us tagalongs could separate the two once they met. Tails were wagging, leashes were entwining, saliva was being flung, it was chaos.

Now, in his younger, wilder days, of what I suppose can only be described as the doggy equivalent of the college experience, Tip was only ever interested in other boy dogs. That was A-OK by me. I dreamed of the day I could take him to the store and buy him sweaters for winter and then we'd giggle and do each other's hair. I'm pretty sure he was even having a gay love affair with a Golden retriever named Murphy - until she moved in.

'She' is a poodle/Bichon named Chloe, and she belongs to my neighbours. It was love at first sight. Years later, whenever we see her on our walks, Tip flies through the ritual of puffing at the end of his leash like a freight train and just about strangling himself with delight, while Chloe gets so jazzed, she stands on her hind legs and jumps up and down and peddles her front paws and rolls on the ground and breakdances all over the sidewalk, while my neighbour and I try to avoid eye contact and mumble our hellos. So, up until now, I thought Chloe was the only girl dog in Tip's heart. Yet here he was making an ass out of himself and me over some unfamiliar puppy.

Understanding gradually dawned. I squinted at the tiny shag bathroom rug Tip was eagerly trying to inhale, and said, "What breed of dog is that?"

"A Shih Tzu and Maltese mix," the proud mother replied.

And I got it.

Oh my God, my dog is such a Benedict Arnold.

Well, shit, is what I was thinking, but what came out was "How cute."

Then I grabbed the leash in both hands and hauled Tip away from his newfound lover with a too-chirpy, "Say goodbye to Molly, Tip!"

My dog lusts for designer dogs. It makes sense now. My stupid Border collie has some carnal instinct to father terrible, terrible muttpuppies. I shrieked things like "How could you do this to me?" and "How long have you known?" at him, while he stared over his shoulder with a misty-eyed, vacant expression. Visions of maltipoos and chorkies danced in his head.

I fully expect his anti-MoT blog to go online in a few days.

(Coming up: A rant on apartment dogs.)

Meet the real mini molosser!

2008-10-20T11:37:00.000-04:00

Did you know a baby platypus or echidna is called a puggle?

I think this is arguably the best word we as humans have ever come up with. I was actually kind of delighted the first time I heard there was a dog with the same name.

I almost giggled the first time I saw one, too. Like baby platypuses, puggles are small and wrinkly and begging to be picked up and held. Unlike platypuses, they look for all the world like miniature mastiffs, putting the efforts of Dakota Winds to shame. A puggle is the offspring of a beagle and a pug, if you didn't know, and with those chests and little barrel bodies pugs actually are part of the molosser family, which accounts for that mystery. But the puggle doesn't strongly favour either parent, and if you didn't know any better, you could almost swear it was some obscure, adorable purebreed.

And I think we should all know by now that I like cute dogs.

THE PROS: Note that the puggle actually has a muzzle to speak of. I knew somebody who had a pug that would follow me all over her place, snuffling nonstop. I would have to shove it out of the bathroom with my foot and I could hear it snorting away outside the door the whole time. When I showed up at her house, the dog would practically go into respiratory arrest. I don't know what his fixation with me was, but it's nice to think that if I ever picked up a puggle stalker, I wouldn't hear that sinister, snuffly wheezing sound lurking just behind corners.

In short, the beagle genes make it easier for the offspring to breathe. Which is good.

I'm hearing that puggles are quite healthy, but I'm not sure I believe it. It is true, however, that, like beagles, they don't seem to suffer from the dreaded hip dysplasia. And in my personal opinion, a puggle sounds healthier than a pug.

Lastly, you get some degree of predictability (which I am always always advocating), at least in appearance. The puggle has a pretty uniform look: namely, that cute li'l squashed-molosser look. (Although Wikipedia does say otherwise.)

THE CONS: Unfortunately, both beagles and pugs tend to suffer from "cherry eye", epilepsy, skin infections, luxating patellas, and back ailments, among other things. Puggles can also have problems with harsh weather, like extreme heat or cold, and since you can never quite know what you're getting with a mutt, your pup may have just a little difficulty with his breathing, or he may inherit the pug's compacted airways and struggle to breathe efficiently. Combined with the beagle drive to run run run, this can spell disaster for puggles. Some people are saying they've known these dogs to run themselves to death. Yikes.

Nobody knows where the puggle came from, but the theory is that it was an "oops" puppy. I can certainly believe that, because if you're breeding pugs, you want to be very very careful. A slapdash approach to breeding will give you extremely unhealthy dogs. I imagine much the same goes for Pekingeses and other "bricked-in-the-face dogs" (my affectionate term). If you have to have a puggle, you will definitely need to get a close look at the pug parent, but that won't tell you everything about the health of your baby. I'd say I hope we have some really responsible breeders out there, but to be perfectly honest, if they were truly responsible they wouldn't be breeding puggles. Landing other dogs with pug breathing issues is a bad idea. How about we take the UK's lead, and start developing healthier pugs before we start experimenting?

Moving on: They have no purpose. Whatsoever. I won't even bother with the last section, regarding the dog's function. People breed them to be family dogs, and we've got way too many of those running around already. They're not hypoallergenic, even though some confused people will tell you they are, because ... apparently all hybrids are hypoallergenic. This must be some magical muttpuppy gene, because pugs and beagles sure aren't!

Some owners will say they're high maintenance, others will say they're not. Some say they shed a lot and some say they're very low-shedding. Who knows! Most owners are in agreement, though, in that these puppies are not the easiest to train or housebreak. They say the extra time spent training them is worth it, though I'm not so sure.

I wanted to go easy, puggles. I really did. You've got cute cute faces and big eyes. But you are a fad breed. Left alone, you will disappear quietly, I'm afraid. I hope.

Readers, just stay very still and quiet ... if it doesn't see us, it will go away on its own. Shh...

A rhapsody on dog training

2008-10-16T11:50:00.000-04:00

This is my dog Tip.
Tip is hilarious. Note the gleeful expression on his face as his busy little brain works out that, maybe, if he brings me his tennis ball AND a stick, I'll throw BOTH for him. There is a dog who knows what he wants out of life.

Tip's a purebred Border collie. He's got "classic" markings and conformation to die for. ..Actually I'm no dog show connoisseur, but still. If I were a judge, I would give him Best in Show. You say no to that face. He should be a dog biscuits model or something. (Can you tell I'm gonna be one of those moms who shows everyone the pictures of her kids in her wallet?)

But I won't lie. Tip is a good example of a purebreed you DON'T want to breed. I love him to bits, he's kooky and adorable, but he's dumb as a plank. He's a sweetheart, but he's not a good representation of his breed. I don't know if he's just got a dumbass gene in his lines or if this was the result of what I refer to as "the incident" - sometime during puppyhood, Tip was dicking around and caused a hay bale to fall on him. Chicken or the egg? Well, not worth the risk. And after he was caught several times making sweet love to his pillow, it wasn't hard to say goodbye to his balls.

Anyway, Tip's big problem is that he's neurotic as hell. Everything overwhelms him. I lied - he's not THAT dumb (he walks into so many walls he'd fool you, though) - but training him was a major trial because he'd get all nervous and wiggly and start the pee dance. I'm not a dog psychologist and I don't know how to make him stop being so afraid of being judged or screwing up or whatever it is that scares him. Actually, I have exactly the same problem myself (without wetting my pants, though. Most days). So I let it slide.

I digress.

Do you remember our friends at Dakota Winds, with the freaky mini Saint Bernards? I finally checked out their son's website because I was intrigued by the mention of a training program, and to see if maybe he learnt from his parents' mistakes. Well, he didn't. (Who's surprised?) In fact, he and his girlfriend-type are breeding MORE freaky little mixes, like ... um ... "Cuddles". (Show of hands, who would tell people that's what their dog was? If I had one and somebody asked me what was on the end of my leash, I'd say, "Oh, him? He's a Butch McHarley. Mix between a Rottweiler and a lumberjack." But I know I wouldn't fool anybody.)

Anyway, their training program. You leave your dog with them. You pay them $600, and they in turn teach your puppy how to pee outside and sit. For the reasonable sum (reasonable like a water balloon to the face) of $1800, they teach him how to pee, sit, lie down and heel. For an added $150, they teach him how to ring a bell when he wants to go outside!

I don't care how dumb your dog is, he can convey to you that he needs to pee. Even my dog who rides the short bus knows how to do this. He barks at the door. Or he comes into whatever room I'm in and gives me the Patent Border Collie Staredown. You don't have to be a sheep to get freaked out by The Stare, take my word. Sometimes I don't even know what he wants, I just get moving. It's kind of embarrassing to realize you're being herded as you part from your desk and hustle downstairs with your dog's gimlet eyes burning holes into your back. Maybe bell-ringing has its uses for some people, but I think in Tip's case he would ring them once and then take cover under the coffee table. The most expensive piece of crap my dumb dog ever scared himself with.

I wouldn't trust my dog to these people. Let's face it, for $1950 I would expect him to come home and start reciting Henry IV, both parts. For what you get, that is not worth it. And I know I'm not the only one with a) not enough money and/or b) a semi-retarded dog for whom normal training methods don't work. I don't care if you don't think you have a lot of time to spend teaching your dog how to sit pretty. YOU can train your dog yourself, and you don't have to be a dog whisperer to do it. Listen up, because I'm about to save you about $1948 with these two words:

Clicker training.

NOTE at this point that, on top of not being a dog show connoisseur (unless watching on ESPN counts) or a dog psychologist, I am also not a professional dog trainer myself. Nearly everything I learned about dog training, I learned from my friend who DOES train dogs for a living. Better yet, she trains service dogs. She gets to cruise around in wheelchairs and take puppies into malls, and THEY GIVE HER MONEY FOR THIS. I am so jealous. She's also a vet tech and I don't think there's ANYTHING she doesn't know about animals. She's the one I go wailing to when my beloved guinea pig scratches her ear an unusual amount of times, is she dying?? (Nope, C tells me kindly, just has a bit of an allergy to her bedding.) C is a dog whisperer and a goddess.

C uses a clicker to train her dogs, and had lots of tips (no pun intended) when I decided to give it a go with Tip because I was at least mostly sure it couldn't make him any more defective upstairs. Within three sessions, my dog who should wear a helmet everywhere he goes had all but mastered the "downstay". I'm pretty convinced now that clicker training is the solution to all of life's problems. Recently acquired a puppy? Clicker training! Dog pulls at the leash? Clicker training! Excessive barker? Clicker training! Cheating husband? Clicker training! Global economic recession? Buy a clicker!

Forget everything you've heard right now about tone of voice and showing who's boss and even forget everything you learned in psych 101 about operant conditioning, because what it comes down to is this: Your dog thinks you're a dumbass - after all, you're the one who expects him to drop everything and come indoors right away when he's busy having the time of his life haring around the yard chasing that squirrel who keeps screaming racial slurs and making gang signs at him from the fence. So? make him think that the objective is FUN, too.
Step One: Desired behaviour.
Step Two: Click.
Step Three: Reward.

Ta-da. Suddenly you're not such a dumbass. You've got tasty treats, and your puppy wants them.

You could probably learn more from other sources, like C, who should write a book so I can pimp it all over the place, because I'm just an awed believer who's seen the light. Hallelujah, I will stray no more! But I've got some handy tips for you anyway. These methods may or may not work for you. But they worked for my dog who is special-ed and captivated by the sound of his own farts, so I have a lot of faith.

1. Don't tell me your dog is too old to learn. I've probably pulled that line too, but it's not true. Old dogs can learn new tricks. Get a clicker and let your dog wow you. Tip was five (still is) when we started clicker training; well into maturity, even for a dog his breed. I was anxious because the school next to our favourite park was having a lot of construction done this summer before the school year began, and with all those big machines rolling around begging to be herded, and him not such a star at down or recall... Well, training felt important. (Imagine how proud I was when he dropped flat at my command as a truck came rolling out of the woods in front of him, and stayed there. Forget pride - imagine my RELIEF!)

2. Use hand signals. C taught me this one. Human speech can sometimes be difficult for dogs, especially if you're not the only one in the house who's going to be giving the commands. The same word won't always sound the same to them. I imagine this is more important with service dogs - or bilingual dogs - but I attached a signal to the "downstay" command anyway (hand raised, palm facing the dog, in a kind of "STOP in the name of lo-ove!" pose. It's very overt and the most attention-grabbing signal I could think of, as this is the most important command to me), so when Tip is half a football field away and I yell "down", even if he doesn't hear the precise command, he sees the hand and drops.

3. "Downstay" is IMPORTANT if, like me, you let your dog run around off-leash. Sometimes recall isn't the best option, like, heaven forbid, if your dog is running at you from the other side of a road. When you say "down" (or lie down, or whatever command you choose), your dog should know that this means HIT THE DECK and don't move until Mom or Dad says so.

4. Know your enemy. Are you teaching a breed that learns best by repetition, or one (like herders) that gets bored fast and needs variation? The clicker's great for both. Making it gradually more difficult to earn a click, or only giving a click when the dog does the desired behaviour perfectly, can motivate him. With Tip, I first praised the simple action of lying down, then increased the distance between us when I gave the command, then only praised his lying down and staying put until I gave the release. Some sites will tell you to start with the action and THEN add the verbal command, but Tip already knew what "lie down" meant, so I all I had to do was make the gradual switch between "lie down" (which I use in the home to mean stop licking my socks and bugger off under the coffee table please) and "down" (HIT THE DECK!). I don't see the point of adding a verbal command later, anyway.

5. ALWAYS follow up a click with a treat! Some people might say click and then heap the praise on, but let's face it - your dog would rather work for food. I sure would work for Butterfingers.

6. Be consistent. I learned this from C, too. If your dog is mowing down that crazy racist squirrel, and you yell for five minutes for your dog to COME HERE SIR, and finally your dog does, happy and satisfied, don't take the wind out of his sails by bitching at him for taking so long. He came, didn't he? Tell him what a good widdle muffin he is, yes he is! Click and give him a treat while you're at it. Now he knows that, hey, coming inside when he's called can be rewarding, too. Funny how this never occurs to us. C is pretty convinced dog owners are morons. I think in most cases she is spot on.

Clicker training is dog training made easy. Before you give up on your puppy and send him to somebody else for a crazy fee, just buy a clicker and some Scooby Snacks or whatever your dog likes, and give it a whirl.

If C gives her permission, and if my readers aren't too offended by excessive profanity, I might just link to the guide she's working on right now, "Clicker Training Motherf***ers", because it's more informative than I am. In the meantime, though, here is a link which seems pretty good (PDF alert). And by the way, clicker training can be used on all kinds of animals - cat, horses (and even fish, C claims) included. Teach your pets wacky stuff, why not!

And TESTIFY!

Muttpuppies: NOT, in fact, God's gift to humanity.

2008-10-14T15:21:00.001-04:00

Check out this article: 7 reasons why you should pick a mixed-breed over a purebred dog. I suspect this lady's more confused than an Alaskan governor on the definition of 'maverick'. Here we go...

1.You can find them in shelters.

There are so many mixed breed dogs in shelters that need your love and companionship. Imagine how good you'll feel when you save the life of a shelter dog. It's recycling at its very best.

So somebody's Heinz 57 snuck across the street for a little tête-à-tête with the neighbour's Boston Terrier. The neighbours didn't want the funny-looking offspring and neither did the stupids who failed to neuter their mutt, so the puppies ended up in a box outside the local shelter's door, and that's the story of how your pity-adoption came to be. Of course I'm not saying that you shouldn't adopt the unwanted little buggers, but why on earth would being a mixed breed make one shelter dog preferable over another? Imagine how good you'd feel saving the life of a beagle whose owner passed away. The moral of this story, kids, is "adopt a shelter dog", which certainly doesn't translate to "adopt an oogly mutt from a shelter just because it's oogly and of undetermined origin".

2. Mixed breeds are healthier.

It's well known that mixed breed dogs live longer lives and have fewer health problems overall. This is because they're not inbred like pedigree dogs. If you want your companion around for many years, consider a mixed breed dog.

Oh boy! Time to meet this thing head-on. [rubs hands together]

Yes, hybrid vigor is a good, happy thing. Hybrid vigor is what happens when you mix two dogs together and the offspring is genetically superior to the parents.The fairy tale is that every mutt has hybrid vigor. The TRUTH is that not all hybrids have hybrid vigor. I've ranted before now about muttpuppies whose parents have numerous health problems in common; I'll lift an example from another source* now to drive the point home: the Cocker spaniel and the poodle. These two share, among other things, hip dysplasia, progressive retinal atrophy, epilepsy, poor temperaments, allergies, skin and ear problem, Legg-Calve-Perthe's, luxating patellas, hypothyroidism, cryptorchidism, and gastric torsion. A cockapoo may well stand a higher chance of inheriting any of these problems than a purebred pup from a good breeder will. Breeding purebred dogs (responsibly) should mean that you are passionate about the breed and want to improve it - NOT "this dog is pretty and his sister is pretty and together their babies will be perfect!" Whereas unfortunately, hybrid breeders (like I hope the writer of this article is NOT) often tend to think "this dog is pretty and this dog is smart and together THEIR babies will be perfect!" No. Sorry. Your babies will have hip dysplasia because you noticed the current Labradoodle trend and decided to make a buck.

(*This article is good for further reading on the hybrid vigor myth.)

3. Mixed breeds are smarter.

As a generalization, mixed breed dogs tend to be more intelligent, worldly, and savvy with more common sense and street smarts. Having had both types of dogs, this is just an observation on my part, but I've had many other people say the same.

You're trying to sell me on muttpuppies based on personal experience? No deal! What the heck gives your dog street smarts? Oh, yeah - he lived in the alley behind a pizza place before you picked him up from a shelter. If that's street smarts, I don't want 'em!

Crack open a book, why don't you? There is a whole world of smart pooches out there waiting to prove that they can perform a job with 450% more efficiency than your designer dog. Lady, in the dog world, we don't really look for 'street smarts'. We like usefulness and trainability. I can absolutely guarantee that a GSD is more intelligent than your Peke-a-chon. (I don't even know what that is but apparently it's great with kids.)

4. Mixed breeds are truly one-of-kind.

There are too many cookie cutter, purebred dogs in this world. Would you rather have a Picasso original or a reprint? We need to stop choosing dogs based on status and learn to appreciate the unique characteristics of a mixed breed dog.

My old Border collie was a gruff, super-smart alpha dog who didn't stand for nonsense and was fiercely protective of his family; my Border collie now is a super-sweet goofball who loves meeting new people and horsing around. So? My dogs are both predictable in their Border collie vigor, instincts, and looks, and perfectly distinct from one another. Ask anybody in the world who's had two dogs of the same breed - from the same litter, even! - and they will tell you that this argument just don't fly. Dogs are unique, just like people. And you wouldn't call the son of two Chinese people a cookie cutout, would you?

5. Mixed breed dogs are appreciative.

If you've ever adopted a mixed breed dog from a shelter, you know how appreciative they are of your attention. Many of them have been neglected or abused in the past and are grateful for any affection you give them. They show their appreciation by guarding your home and your family, and are even willing to lay down their life to protect you.

Again, this is Just Another Dog Thing. You go to Wal-Mart and come home, and your pup is positively ecstatic that you've returned! You were gone for twenty minutes and he's so happy that you've suddenly come back, he doesn't even know what to do with himself! Well, guess what? This isn't just your mongrel, it's every dog in the world. Dogs love people. Not "mutts love people". Dogs. There is nothing to set your special snowflake apart from the rest of man's best friends around the globe. Okay?

6. Mixed breed dogs live longer.

As a generalization, when comparing mixed breed and purebred dogs of similar size, the mixed breed dog will outlive the purebred. Again, this comes down to the fact that most purebred dogs are inbred which creates health problems that shorten their lives.

Get off your hybrid horse and drum it through your head! Responsibly-bred purebreeds are healthy!! Yeesh! Who among you mutt-breeders actually takes health into consideration without assuming that hybrid vigor will make all your genetic problems magically disappear?

Besides - would you prefer the unpredictability of a mutt, or KNOWING that your terrier will most likely have a lengthy lifespan? Hmm.

7. Adopting a mixed breed helps to reduce animal overpopulation.

Breeders of purebred dogs often contribute to pet overpopulation by irresponsible breeding. When you adopt a mixed breed dog from a shelter not only are you reducing the number of homeless pets, you'll get a dog that's already spayed or neutered in most cases. You'll have a positive impact on the continuing problem of pet overpopulation and production. A great reason to feel good about yourself.

You know what else helps to reduce animal overpopulation? Spaying your muttpuppy and not encouraging designer dog breeders! Encouraging responsible breeders by buying from people who know a little something about purebreeds! Sure, adopt a mutt from a shelter; but for God's sake don't breed it!! I'm telling you, it won't be any smarter, longer-lived or friendlier than a good old properly-bred Golden retriever!

I don't know about you guys, but I'm feeling better about myself already.

Happy Thanksgiving, Canucks!

2008-10-11T22:40:00.000-04:00

Well, it's Thanksgiving weekend in Canada and this blogger is hanging out with family in Connecticut, so I'll keep this one short.

Last night, PA - the "puppy mill capital of the east" - finally signed a bill calling for larger cages, exercise requirements and annual vet check-ups in order to crack down on their puppy mills. They're also giving more power to people in a position to help these dogs and making it so that only vets can euthanize dogs at commercial kennels, meaning (hopefully) no more needless shootings when the dogs suddenly become inconvenient.

This is great! Here's hoping the new laws really make a difference and help wipe out the state's reputation. I'm off to celebrate with another piece of pie, and I'll return soon!

Introducing the world's most efficient ankle-biter

2008-10-10T10:41:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the delay! You might have noticed that Blogger temporarily locked MoT. Apparently they were just checking that we're not a spam blog, and I don't think I helped our image by failing the 'prove you're not a bot' test when I requested to be unlocked the first time... Anyway, I got it in the end, so we're back up now and raring to bash this latest 'breed'!

I decided not to rag on poodle hybrids this week. This mix caught my eye and, frankly, I find it much more deserving of my ire, disgust etc than an -oodle/-poo. It's finally happened... The desecration of the breed closest to my heart.

Yes, the Border Jack. Offspring of a Border collie and a Jack Russell. People are actually breeding these terrors. Together. Intentionally.

[deep breath]

Now, I know these dogs aren't exactly in vogue (yet), but there are quite a few floating around. I can't figure out why anybody would be breeding Jack Russell mutts when they can't even seem to get their breed straight. (Jack Russell? Parson Russell? Parson Jack Russell? Whatever. I'd be working on a breed distinction if I were a breeder and the dispute mattered to me - ie purebred Jacks and Parsons.)

So you take a pot and toss in some fun traits like 'working dog', 'easily bored' and 'not good with children'. Add a busy mind and a destructive streak. Stir well. Throw in a sprig of joint problems for flavour. Mix in some hyperactivity, and ... mmm. Smells like a super-fun family dog!

THE PROS: Not much to speak of. Really. I thought about it, and I looked around, but they really are scarce.

If I may go off on a tangent, I was once watching a mock agility competition at an annual pet convention in Toronto, with Border collies dominating the scene. After matching off the final pair (collies both), they pitted the victor against their reigning champ... A Jack Russell. And boy, did she blow away the competition! She didn't put a foot wrong - and those little legs could seriously motor. She flew through the course and finished with time to spare. I almost couldn't believe my eyes.

Now if somebody watching that competition had thought, "If I put that Border collie and that Jack Russell together, I'd have a SUPER agility dog!" ....they'd be a dumbass. Really. Don't do that. But at least they'd have a purpose. Sadly, I suspect the prowess both breeds show in agility and flyball is just a coincidence when it comes to their offspring. Still ... I guess it's a quasi-pro ... the pups might be useful agility dogs as well? ...I'm sorry, I can't do it. You don't know what you'll get with muttpuppies! They could be great but they could end up all wrong.

I'm certain that a Border Jack owner would tell me how smart their dog is. Okay. Borders and Jacks are both smart dogs, I'm sure their babies are smart too. This is a pro, of course; except how many dogs like Border collies end up in rescues because their owners can't handle them? So many people make the mistake of thinking smart = trainable. NOT TRUE! The smarter the dog, the more of a moron he thinks YOU are, and the more trouble you'll have convincing him to stay near you off-leash when there's something awesome he could be rolling in over there. Good job breeders, you just cut your target buyers in half. Now you're aiming to sell to people who know what they want in a dog and how to get it ... and unfortunately, most of them already have a more predictable breed in mind. Wish your puppies luck with the clueless people and young families they'll wind up with.

And the last - real - pro. Now listen up, because this may be the only time I ever say this. Are you listening? I don't want to have to raise my voice. Okay. Here it comes.

Hybrid vigour may work for this dog.

I'm no scientist so don't take my word for it! But for once, we get to see two breeds who don't share a lot of health problems in common. Jacks have a number of eye disorders going on, whereas the big one for Borders is Collie eye anomaly, which doesn't occur in Jacks. Borders tend to suffer from hip dysplasia more than anything, but this isn't common in Jacks either. They still share epilepsy and some joint problems, and some other less common things like deafness, but I had to do some digging. Huh. Looks like ... these may be ... pretty healthy dogs.

THE CONS: Oh, boy, where to start?

Well, I mentioned how adorable the Maltipoos and Goldendoodles were. I like aesthetics, so it's worth mentioning that I think Border Jacks are pretty funny-looking. Let's just say when it comes to looks, there is a SERIOUS lack of predictability.

Incidentally, the two most neurotic dogs I can think of off the top of my head are my own Border collie and my friend's Jack Russell. I'm still having trouble imagining anybody putting these two breeds together on purpose. You're not getting a more manageable Border, and you're not getting a less caffeinated Jack. You might even end up with something WORSE.

Sigh...

I don't even know if I can go on. Your muttpuppy may be fairly physically sound, but good luck surviving puppyhood (and onward. Border collies mature slow). That's the best I can come up with, apart from look for something more manageable and less neurotic. Otherwise, I think I've covered most of the cons of this breed. They're smart (bad for owners who aren't hardcore working-dog savvy), they're probably a little crazy, odds on they won't like your kids, and they look weird.

COULD A PUREBREED SERVE THE SAME FUNCTION?
They don't have a function. If it were agility or flyball, well, you're better off with a breed that's already solid in the field. If you want a smart dog, pick one or the other. Just stop breeding these monsters!

Because really. What did Border collies and Jacks ever do to you?

At last a ray of sunshine!

2008-10-02T11:42:00.000-04:00

Massive puppy mill raid went down in PA yesterday. Hundreds of dogs out of approximately 508 were rescued. My question is, why the hell was a guy TWICE convicted of animal cruelty allowed to own a kennel at all? At least the state's keeping on him. Maybe this time they can actually figure out how to stop him for good! Third time's the charm, I hear... For more good news from my neck of the woods, Quebec raids second puppy mill in less than a week. Awesome! They're saying the raids should make the public more aware of puppy mills - I sure hope so. If you're too lazy to click links, 157 dogs and a cat were rescued from a mill in Quebec and sheltered. Good for Quebec and PA!

As it seems we're having a puppy mill day today, I'll share two handy links to anti-puppy mill sites:

No Puppy Mills Canada! I like this site because it's packed with good information and links, whether you're Canadian or not. LOVE how they think to warn you about AKC/CKC registered dogs being no guarantee of quality, because this is another ruse you see a lot! Great educational site, unfortunately it doesn't personally get involved with shutting mills down or tell you a lot about what you can do to help the cause (apart from boycotting petstores and BYBs), which leads us to...

Stop Puppy Mills.org. Another strong educational site, run by the Humane Society US. It's got lots of great info, and it tells you what to do if you suspect there's a puppy mill operating near you. You can also send in a Breeder Complaint form (same link) to help them out by tracking and reporting these people. Like No Puppy Mills, it's also got some powerful testimonials from people who bought/rescued puppy mill dogs.

So have a poke around, and I'll return soon with something no doubt slanderous about muttpuppies!

Sometimes neutering the dogs alone just wouldn't be enough...

2008-09-30T11:46:00.000-04:00

Reader water_bearer pointed out this site to me, and I think I may have flatlined for a minute or two upon viewing their Available Puppies page.

Naturally, upon coming to in a pool of my own drool, I picked myself up and poked around to learn more.

This little shop of horrors is home to more muttpuppies than you could shake a stick at. In a muttpuppy cage match, I don't know who would win - Chinzilla, or Cujo (pictured), the "mastiff" they created using a pug, a Shar Pei, a cocker spaniel, and an English shepherd. A gun dog, a sheepdog, a lap dog, and one mastiff (barely).

Let's start from the top (ie where my trauma-seeking dousing rods led me first). These guys have got big plans for the dog world, namely by screwing around with as many breeds as they can get their hands on all in the name of progress. Cujo was bred to father ... brace yourselves ... miniature Saint Bernards. But our friends here at Dakota Winds aren't patient enough to breed smaller and smaller, so instead they're churning out litter after litter of experiments to try and achieve the right look, using (hold on to something, it gets worse) English shepherds, cocker spaniels, Cujo the "mastiff", and a Pekingese. They're also considering the use of hounds - whoops, that's "hounds", as these little monsters are Basset hound/pug/Shar Pei mixes, or as they call them, "mini Bloodhounds". Uh-huh. Whether these genes get tossed into the cocktail that is their mini Saints is still up in the air, as "Right now, we do not think it is nessessary?" I don't think so either?

The theory is that those four breeds combined with a real Saint Bernard will produce something that vaguely resembles a Saint in mini form. I bet they think Shelties were the product of rough collies, cocker spaniels and a Chihuahua! I can't wait till their litters turn out to have Peke markings and faces and cocker ears and eyes - because since when is breeding mutts ever predictable? Now, I concede that Saint Bernards are members of the mastiff family (Molossers is the technical term), and if you HAD to create one using a real Molosser would make sense - but I do mean a REAL Molosser, like a Spanish mastiff for build, or a Leonberger for the sable colour. But, of course, none of these are small enough to experiment with!

Sigh. Okay. Now that I've given myself a headache trying to wrap my head around the idea of mini Saint Bernards, we have to question why any rational person would attempt this in the first place. Simple: "Many people love the look and temperment of the Saint Bernard, but they simply do not have the room for such a large dog." Well, say goodbye to that Saint Bernard temperament, because by the time they're through it'll be so diluted you won't even recognize the breed. All those old Saint Bernard instincts will be long gone. And I HOPE nobody wants a Saint for a reason as superficial as looks!

"Of coarse, along the way, there are puppies that are nessessary to breed, that may not be exactly perfect? But really, there is no such thing as a "perfect" dog. They are nessessary to breed, in order to get the future breeding stock that we need, to reach our goal." So they might end up with a puppy with genetic problems, but no worries - that can be bred out. Of coarse!

"Are we breeding mutts? No, we are not. We are creating a new breed, that is a Miniature version of another, existing breed." If a Heinz 57 with some shepherd and spaniel genes in him is a mini Saint Bernard, I could go to the local shelter now and get one myself for $800 cheaper than you're asking! Don't we have enough designer dogs running around without people like this throwing their messes into the mix? You're NOT CREATING A NEW BREED. You're just making an ass out of yourself and a complete Frankenstein's creation out of your puppies, instead of developing purebred Saints. Since you must have been drunk to come up with a scheme like this, let me put it in terms even you can understand: you can't get a buzz from an ounce of booze in a gallon of water!

"A mutt is defined by a dog with unknown parents." A mutt is that beast you call a mastiff!

Mini Saint Bernards are just the tip of the iceburg. They're also working on "Comfort Retrievers" (Golden retriever/cocker spaniel mixes - because neither of these was comforting enough to begin with, apparently), Labbes (Labrador/beagle), Colonial cocker spaniels (English/American cockers), also in mini; Aussiedoodles and mini English shepapoodles (take a guess), and Dakota sheepdogs (English shepherds, Australian shepherds, cocker spaniels and poodles). I can't figure out the point of ANY of these, since there are many purebreds that already obviously suit the same purposes just fine. Why the Colonial cockers? The two breeds are very separate and doing great on their own in their respective fields. But I have to say, it's the Dakota sheepdogs that horrify me nearly as much as the mini Saint Bernard atrocities. When it comes to dogs I am especially partial to herding dogs, and I must say, while I sit pretty firmly in the Border collie camp, it hurts my head to think that they've got some perfectly good English shepherds around and, if they simply MUST breed their dogs, aren't breeding more purebreds. I don't feel English shepherds get the attention they deserve as a breed. These are smart dogs with a good sense of humour and a looser eye than Border collies, gentler and less intense than some sheepdogs, and they're being used to create monstrosities these people thought might be fun to experiment with. The people at Dakota Winds ought to be ashamed of themselves.

I feel I should also point out that small dogs do not necessarily apartment dogs make. You can breed a sheepdog as small as you like, but it's still going to be busy little dog. If you live in an apartment and are looking into getting a dog, I hope you're looking at more than just size! Heck, many people consider Great Danes to be good apartment dogs! Those giants can fold themselves up in a corner like a Chinese contortionist when they want to. And of course there are factors to consider like your schedule and how much time you can devote to exercising your pup. So the "apartment dogs" excuse for breeding small just doesn't work for me!

In the end I don't think the dogs are the only ones at Dakota Winds that should have been neutured long ago, but I can't bear to check out their son's website right now. I think I need a stiff drink.

Goldendoodles on Trial

2008-09-28T19:31:00.000-04:00

These lovable-looking hairballs are rapidly picking up popularity as family dogs, which, I'll admit, is a much better fate than spending your life in a designer handbag with only a tube of lipstick and an iPhone for company. And I suppose there are worse breeds to mix than two of the most intelligent in the world... To give a brief history of the Goldendoodle-- Well, there's not a lot to tell, seeing as how the breed is a little over ten years old. What I can tell you is that they've been designer dogs from the get-go, and they were designed to be a bigger version of the cockapoo. This makes the original breeders' intentions less than pure, but, well - let's put the dogs on the stand, shall we?

THE PROS: For a mixed breed, these guys actually have a fairly predictable temperament, which is a major plus. It seems all owners are in agreement: their dogs are affectionate, friendly with all folks, and generally goofy, fun-loving clowns. It's not hard to see why they're a good choice for families.

Here at MoT, we love a dog with a use (even Yorkies once had jobs). And Goldendoodles have got 'em! Poodles were originally gun dogs that retrieved waterfowl. Just like Golden retrievers! This means that little Doodle has retained retrieving instincts from both Mom and Dad, so even this family dog can earn its keep moonlighting in the field. Another big plus is that they can be used as guide dogs, and if bred right to minimize shedding, they'd be perfect for those with an allergy in need of an assistant dog.

Happily, these hybrids are much longer-lived than their Golden retriever parents, and the average lifespan of a Goldendoodle seems to be 15 years. (How they've calculated this when Goldendoodles only hit the scene mid-1990s, I don't know.)

THE CONS: Yet again, we see people breeding two dogs with numerous health concerns in common. Goldies and poodles share hip dysplasia and a number of eye disorders. A good breeder will screen for these things. Unfortunately, most Goldendoodle breeders refuse to breed a 'purebred' (7th generation or more) Doodle, due to the fact that, of course, a first-generation hybrid puppy will have hybrid vigor, and therefore be much healthier than its parents.

Oh, you silly people! Why must you do this? Hybrid vigor can never ever be depended on to eradicate health problems! You'd be much better off finding two healthy Goldendoodles and breeding THEM together than two different dogs with the same health issues. Hybrid vigor is not a magic cure!

It must also be pointed out that Goldendoodles aren't all that 'hypoallergenic', thanks to their Golden retriever parentage. Whoops! Ladies and gentlemen, once again, the trouble of unpredictability in hybrids. Luckily, it looks like backcrossing a Goldendoodle with a poodle can produce a light- to non-shedding dog, but those with anything more than moderate allergies may have to sit this breed out.

COULD A PUREBREED SERVE THE SAME FUNCTION?

Depends. Do you believe in hypoallergenic dogs? Remember, it's not all about the fur - allergens lurk in things like saliva and dander as well, and Goldendoodles can't help you there. If it is the fur, though, may I recommend an Aghan Hound, an Irish Water Spaniel or a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier? All these dogs are also promoted as being hypoallergenic, and they too are fluffy companions big enough to romp around with.

The fact that Goldendoodles can be used as guide dogs is an interesting point to consider, though. If I could get evidence that people who couldn't have guide dogs due to allergies/asthma before are now getting along fine with a Goldendoodle - great! Heck, let's breed more! But can we please quit it with the first-generation breeding? As I'm sure I'll rant about in a later post, hybrid vigor is next to communism on the plausibility scale. In an ideal world it would work out, sure, but this is the real world and neither will fly. Two breeds with genetic health problems in common may well be more likely to produce unhealthy offspring, whereas the pups of two healthy dogs of the same breed should turn out A-OK. Start breeding Goldendoodles for real, breed for specific qualities, and for goodness' sake give them a sensible name. Goldendoodle sounds like it came straight outta the reject pile when they were naming the Twinkie. 'Goldendoodle the Kid' just didn't have quite the same ring to it.

All in all, when it comes to Goldendoodles ... this jury is out, confused, and a little hungry for Twinkies.

EDIT: As Emele pointed out, it turns out poodles themselves are taking off as hypoallergenic assistance dogs! Apparently they're uncommon, and some people prefer poodle hybrids due to their temperaments, but Standard poodles are taking to it quite well. Bad news for Doodles, I'm afraid...!

Puppy Mill Rant #1

2008-09-27T20:05:00.000-04:00

Okay, so this one won't so much be about designer dogs (mutts bred 'by design'). But then again, there isn't much on this planet that causes me to feel the rare urge to headdesk myself into concussion and then burn my own eyes out with a lighter. Among all that does, this place most certainly takes the cake.

http://www.puppiesforsalebynet.com/ (Warning: Sound. Sometimes.)

As the cheery female voice will tell you, these devoted breeders "collect" puppies and proudly present them to you in "boutique" form, where, I can only assume, you stroll around with a shopping cart and pile it up with squeaking teacup toys at your leisure and pay for your purchases with a platinum AmEx card at the check-out where a smiling boutique employee waves you and your new babies out. Seriously, it's that glam. Don't believe me? This is Where Celebrities Buy Their Puppies!

Okay, um, actually, this is where some maniacs with feather boas and glitter hoard babies from a bunch of other breeders and 'facilities' before dressing them up and snapping shots for the public. My question is, exactly which celebs are buying from here? A-list celebrities, or Dancing With the Stars celebrities? They've got a list and the verdict is in: It's models and athletes, people! I'll make a concession for the Osbournes, but seriously ... the Osbournes. They've got so many toys I can't imagine anything but a puppy boutique-style adoption. Also among the football players and Oil of Olé models are Jerry Springer...'s assistant director. I'd laugh, but I'm too busy giggling at the pictures of buff linebackers headed with 'CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR BABY MALTESE'. (Hilariously, I also noticed on the front page that it delicately corrects, 'Where the "Celebrities" buy their puppies.')

So it looks like Jennifer Aniston shops elsewhere for her lovable corgi/terrier mutts. (How can I tell? His name is Norman amd not Tinky, he weighs more than 16oz, and she seems pretty clear on the fact that he's a dog. Jennifer Aniston, I solemnly applaud you.)

Now we get to the dogs. They offer a wide varray of dogs that are already too fucking small to begin with - and make them smaller! Can't find the pup you're looking for? No problem! They have new puppies that will be ready for you next week. Be patient and just imagine, somewhere in Florida a poor bitch in too-cramped living conditions is pushing out yet another litter of badly-bred babies for you to choose from!

On a sidenote, I think what makes this site of hoarders so sinister is how pink and fluffy everything is. The dogs' soulless eyes peer out at you from under swathes of pink feather boas and glittery tiaras that weigh down their whole tiny tiny heads. [shudder]

Now to pick apart what is so very, very wrong with their 'collection'.

EXHIBIT A: HUGE ALIENESQUE HEADS.

This is a dog with hydrocephalus (water in the head):

This is one of their 'Special Extraordinary Puppies' (you heard me):
You want to know the scariest thing about this dog?

That is not a Chihuahua.

It's a Papillon.

So it looks like poor Hydrocephalus Dog can look forward to a future of seizures and a giant head, and with their lifetime guarantee only offered to dogs $2000 and over and her priced at a crafty $1500, looks like she's up the excessive head-fluid creek without a paddle.

EXHIBIT B: DESIGNER DOG WOES

This is a mix between a Chihuahua and a Japanese chin. The owners of the site call her "a rare mix". Do you wanna know why it's so rare?HINT: Because it's fugly.

This isn't the only bizarre cross-breed on the site, but it sure is the most hilariously sad. Note how the puppy finds a fine blend between Chihuahua blockiness and Japanese upturned muzzle, not to the mention the dome skull. If not for the tiara we might be able to lump her in with Hydrocephalus Dog up there. I don't know what this beast was going for but you can bet it was more than she's worth. (Maybe someday she will get a post all her own.)

EXHIBIT B: EXOTIC COLOURS, YOU SAY?

This is a merle Great Dane:

Okay, now, she's not so bad. This dog isn't quite as much a heinous crime against nature as Chin-Chi is up there. But does anything about her just strike you as ... well, wrong?

You're right! She looks diseased. And why does she look diseased? Because she's a blue merle. Like I said, not so much a crime against nature ... except that you're really not supposed to breed merle Danes. They're not exactly 'setting the standard of excellence' here when this dog would be disqualified from any show right off the bat. She'd make a nice housepet, sure, but Danes aren't meant to be merle. That's all. Anyway, the reason I put up The Dane With the Dreaded Lurgy is to warn all you folks at home: DON'T be fooled by 'exotic' colours. Bad breeders (like these guys) will try to pass off wrecks (like Lurgy) as special. Always always remember that if something in a dog is 'rare', it's rare for a reason (see Chinzilla). These things are worth less than a more average dog of the same breed, not more. Moving on.

Now these merle puppies...

...are a crime against nature. 'Beautifully marked', $1550, my ass!

This is so wonderfully stupid! These people are so wrapped up in churning out the prettiest puppies possible that they've completely lost sight of what the breed is supposed to be. And why are dachshunds and Chihuahuas not supposed to be merle? Because the merle gene carries deafness and blindness! Considering neither of these puppies is priced high enough for a lifetime health guarantee, I'm starting to think these hoarders aren't all that stupid after all. How irresponsible and just cruel, handing out these dogs without a word to discourage the source or the prospective buyers.

Here are some tidbits that also make me want to neuter and cage these stupids.

- Miniature Pinscher "CANDY female $950.00 Great little male! Good bite. Very well socialized."

Moving past the mystery of which gender it actually is, why on earth would you ever ADVERTISE a good bite? You whackjob, nobody uses a miniature pinscher as a protective guard dog and if they do they deserve to be shot. They hunted rats, and if they're retaining any of those traits it should be discouraged. Not considered 'good'! [Whoops! Mel is right; they're advertising that the dog has no under- or over-bite. I'm no miniature pinscher expert, but as far as I know this isn't one of the breed's most common concerns - it was the breed's tendency to nip that made my thoughts go straight to biting!]

- "Throughout the years we have gathered and been working with several breeders and facilities that specialize the teacups and toy breeds. Every year breeders from all over the states that see our web site contact us to see if we can help them place their beautiful babies in good homes."

Do they not understand why this is so WRONG? You have NO chance of meeting the dogs' parents and we all know that if Mom ain't on site - walk away! There goes your one chance of predetermining hereditary problems; now all you've got to go on are merle genes and dome skulls (which, I should add, are all over this site).

- One thing I generally believe about breeding is this: "If you're making a profit, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG." It seemed at first that these guys were getting a raw deal, with breeders continually pushing puppies on them - after all, where else are the poor babies gonna go? and so on. Sadly, this taking advantage of people's compassion happens. But the fact that their dogs are rarely less than $1000? This is silly. You're paying way too much money for what is more than likely a genetic mess. (Yours for just five-thousand bucks!)

- And, to cap things off nicely:

"Braaaaains!!"

I couldn't resist; this one made me smile at how tragically unphotogenic it is.

I'll end this with another warning:

Yes, the puppies are cute (without sparkly shit heaped all over them, shockingly) and sad and they need homes too. But when it comes to people like this, breeding is nothing but a market. They are the SUPPLY, and you are the DEMAND. Buying a puppy from places like this is only placing more demand on them and in turn causing them to get more supply. Let our battlecry ring forth o'er the land: Boycott the puppy mills! There are much more reliable pets you can find for much more reasonable prices. Pets without distended heads and squinting outward eyes! Just some things to keep in mind.

First on the docket: Maltipoos!

2008-09-24T19:05:00.000-04:00

Okay, okay. I'll admit it!

I have a secret soft spot for fluffy white dogs.

Maltipoos are no exception. I mean, come on. Look at that face. As a designer-dog basher I should be way more cold-hearted, but that puppy there is cuter than a pile of kittens sleeping in a slipper together.

Well, maybe. Show me a picture of a bunch of kittens passed out in a slipper and I may have to change my mind. But he's cute, right?

In the designer dog world, Maltipoos are my weakness. I survey images of various muttpuppies for exorbitant sums and think "How dare these people!!", but the second I see a Maltipoo face I unravel quicker than a ball of string after those kittens wake up and venture out of their slipper to play. "Awww, who's a wuvable widdle muttpuppy? Yes he is!"

So I decided to screw up my nerve, put on some blinders, and attack these furry little balls of adorable first.

THE PROS: Too cute to be legal. You'll be the most popular person in the office if you show up toting one of these puppies around. People will be clamouring just to get one of your dog's tiny-tongued kisses on the cheek like it's a blessing from the Pope himself.

Also, they can be used as therapy dogs. This is a plus! How wouldn't that face cheer you up if you were old and senile and/or dying? Therapy dogs are great, especially cute ones.

THE CONS: Poodles tend to be okay with children, but Malteses often require supervision (and due to the Maltipoo's size you'd want to supervise any interaction anyway). Contrary to popular belief, breeding hybrids does NOT magically bring out the best in both breeds! Your Maltipoo may love kids, or it may snap at them. Who knows? The price of a lack of predictability.

Both poodles and Malteses suffer from skin problems, and as I'll no doubt rant all about later, you can never count on "hybrid vigor" to somehow get rid of these problems. Maltipoos can also inherit hip and eye problems from their parents (even that sweet puppy up there shows tear staining).

They require lots of grooming attention, as do both parents.

Malteses come with neurotic habits such as separation anxiety and wariness of new people, and the poodle parent can't be counted on to put a band-aid of mentally stable friendliness on this.

And now, for my favourite part:
COULD A PUREBREED SERVE THE SAME FUNCTION?

Yes. DUH. There's a ton of suitable therapy dogs out there already (I'd list examples, but breed is actually pretty unimportant. It all comes down to temperament, so depending on Maltipoos to be therapy dogs is pretty useless). And guess what, sunshine? Malteses and poodles are already small, fluffy, and "hypoallergenic" by themselves! What was the point of breeding them? And I promise you, there are plenty of other cute white dogs out there. Check out this Bichon! He looks like a Muppet! I don't know about you, but I'm sold!

The verdict is in. Maltipoos are nothing special. These designer dogs were obsolete before they even left the starting gate. Next!

What we're all about

2008-09-22T18:07:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Muttpuppies on Trial! My little corner of the Internet, which I use to bash trend breeds and the silly people who breed them. And here is my disclaimer:

I believe you when you tell me your mixed-breed dog is smart, friendly, healthy, or all of the above. I am sure your mutt is a very nice pet who loves you and is good with kids and fetches the newspaper and sleeps on your feet and stuff. I think you're great for adopting your lil' mutt in favour of something classier.

Now, it's MY personal opinion that mixed breeds are no better and no worse than purebreeds. Given the choice, I would pick the predictability of a purebreed over the anomaly of a mutt any day. But I'm not out to get your beloved Heinz 57 or nothin'.

What I really cannot stand is the rising wave of designer dogs. You know the type. They're all small, white and fluffy, and they're taking over, from between the handles of plush Gucci handbags.

Okay, they're not ALL small white and fluffy. And they can't all fit in handbags. Only most of them can.

I don't like designer dogs, and, in the form of cross-examinations interspersed with the occasional commentary about other mutts and irresponsible breeding, I'm here to tell you why.

This court is now in session!